Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML
Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML
Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by saying, "Good morning! We're going to be vegans from now on." FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said, "Was that good?" She was serious. FML
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Top comments
Tehalon 0
If she ever expects you to go down on her then just reply with sorry you know that won't happen, I'm not a cannibal.
drybamboo 0
I didn't know consuming bodily fluids was a carnivore activity. Does that mean she doesn't condone french kissing? Unless she equates a ******* to actually biting off a piece off your whatwhat. In that case, you should probably be grateful that she is a vegetarian.
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Comments (246)
Cloudy_fml 0
Some vegetarians don't feel right consuming the bodily fluids of someone who eats meat... Or she could have just been making up an excuse because she's not ready. Either way, don't force it. You can always ASK HER what it is that makes her feel uncomfortable with it. Fixing #2: If she ever expects you to go down on her then just reply with "Sorry, I don't eat fish." For the record, I'm a vegetarian and I see nothing wrong with making that exception... ^_~
Amkii 0
lol! I like her sense of humor! And I agree with #s 5, 8, 10, etc. #12 - The non-slutty kind.
mandabbyx3 0
lmfao
Vonnick 0
You've been owned.
xiheartjonas 0
OHHH ! ultimate pwn lmfaoooo !
csigabajnok 0
Dress Mr. Bingbong up as a cucumber and she'll be on it in no time!
Meeks 0
Haha! That just makes me laugh. :D
PTERONOPHOBIA 0
Today, my girlfriend told a joke. FML
mariposa93 0
I think a lot of you are taking this way too literal. It was clearly a joke. FTR you don't have to consume body fluids to give head. It's just the nice thing to do.
Cecona 0
I disagree with all the people saying you need to dump your girlfriend JUST because she wont give you a ********. They probably think a true relationship is just sex. Your girlfriend is probably too nervous or shy to give a ********. Or maybe she thinks it's gross. I kind of think eating someone out is gross. As some of the more sensible people said, don't pressure her to give you a ********...if she wants to she will. So unless you are dating her just for the sex (if you are then you are a dick) you should just accept what she wants to do and what she doesn't and continue to love her.