Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML
Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML
Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by saying, "Good morning! We're going to be vegans from now on." FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said, "Was that good?" She was serious. FML
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Top comments
Tehalon 0
If she ever expects you to go down on her then just reply with sorry you know that won't happen, I'm not a cannibal.
drybamboo 0
I didn't know consuming bodily fluids was a carnivore activity. Does that mean she doesn't condone french kissing? Unless she equates a ******* to actually biting off a piece off your whatwhat. In that case, you should probably be grateful that she is a vegetarian.
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Comments (246)
impossiblefate 0
I'm a vegan and I have no problem with giving head. Everyone that dissed vegetarians and vegans, you suck. You arealso ignorant and pathetic. #42, cecona, thanks for the comment. I'm glad for you because you have a working brain!! :)
30days 0
I'm a vegetarian and I'm always willing to let a girl give me head.
sillypun 0
Amkii -- get off your soap box, sister. There is nothing slutty about a lovin, long term monogamous relationship in which both partners do things that would probably make immature folks like yourself squirm. And since you believe in judging people and calling them by your own hateful, judgmental terms here's an update: You are immature, closed minded, inexperienced, and judgmental. Giving a ******* does not make anyone a **** no matter what your archaic belief system dictates to you. Giving ******** to the Oakland Raiders would make you a ****. One day, you will get properly ****** and it will be allllll over for you. You'll hate yourself for loving it so much. You probably won't be able to get enough.
moocowmoo 0
i agree with #4... damn vegetarians
fml27 0
hey got to admit she clever.
KerlyFries 0
@ 12: I CAN'T give my boyfriend ******** because I have really bad jaw problems. So there are valid reasons for it XD I hope I don't get dropped for it o.o
ihateeverything9 0
number 18, youre kind of an idiot i like it
Fa7_fml 0
Dude that's "FAIL" right there. Dump her.
McLaughlane 0
someone not wanting to give you a ******* is not cause to dump them. There's more to life than sex, I hate to break it to you. :|
Blizzy_B 0
you sure she didn't say VAGitarian?