FML : Today, at my new job, some juvenile cockbite spiked my food with a laxative, as part of some kind of bizarre hazing ritual. The bastard got ratted out...

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Today, at my new job, some juvenile cockbite spiked my food with a laxative, as part of some kind of bizarre hazing ritual. The bastard got ratted out and suspended, but my arsehole now feels like it's been blown apart by a nuclear warhead. I thought this shit only happened in movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Thursday 20 December 2012 21:49 / United Kingdom - London

Work

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Top comments

By keverdeen | 14

#5265915 - Friday 21 December 2012 2:03

I don't think I've ever read an fml with such detailed imagery...

By verkaderk | 9

#5265922 - Friday 21 December 2012 2:04

Your descriptive wording astounds me

Comments

By kerrwoof | 13

#5265912 - Friday 21 December 2012 2:03

How did this post make it through the moderate process? How you worded it was terrible.
Let the thumb downs begin.

By RAUHWeltBegriff | 9

#5265913 - Friday 21 December 2012 2:03

shitty

the_smart_way | 10

#5266072 - Friday 21 December 2012 2:27

Attempt at a joke

MichellinMan | 20

#5266392 - Friday 21 December 2012 4:23

I cracked up at this comment just because of its pure stupidity.

TheGodDamnJoker | 9

#5266740 - Friday 21 December 2012 8:59

In order to preserve the sacred tradition I will say it xD "what a shitty situation OP" xD

By keverdeen | 14

#5265915 - Friday 21 December 2012 2:03

I don't think I've ever read an fml with such detailed imagery...

MarilynI | 9

#5266089 - Friday 21 December 2012 2:30

Haha it's maybe a little overboard...

spikekutter | 9

#5266151 - Friday 21 December 2012 2:49

how am i high or stupid? i think that op is the high or stupid one..

keverdeen | 14

#5266162 - Friday 21 December 2012 2:52

Well now I stand corrected #38. good God.

Hiimhaileypotter | 49

#5266255 - Friday 21 December 2012 3:29

#38- I remember reading that on the day it was published. Freaking hilarious!
This one comes as a close second though!

oj101 | 33

#5266355 - Friday 21 December 2012 4:13

Aw OP, what a shitty sit.....

Gets head bashed on keyboard dnksjshabahhalaodbrbaklalsdd

soccerchick800 | 10

#5266413 - Friday 21 December 2012 4:35

I don't think I've ever read an FML with such a strong British accent in my head before!

TourettesGuyFTW | 25

#5266657 - Friday 21 December 2012 7:02

There is no such thing as a British accent. What you're hearing in your head is the posh Hollywood stereotype. We aren't all Colin Firth!

skyttlz | 32

#5268919 - Friday 21 December 2012 22:21

That story made me realize national dog day is my birthday lol.

By omegafml | 3

#5265917 - Friday 21 December 2012 2:03

Ouch, I would get him back even worse

TopBanana20 | 11

#5266054 - Friday 21 December 2012 2:23

The guy got suspended, if OP "got him back worse", I'm sure OP would get ratted out and suspended too. So kind of pointless, don't you think?

By spikekutter | 9

#5265920 - Friday 21 December 2012 2:04

yeah, this fml doesnt make much sense the first time you read it..

Shrike | 22

#5265973 - Friday 21 December 2012 2:08

Holy shit, you must be pretty high and/or stupid, then.

Pleonasm | 31

#5266007 - Friday 21 December 2012 2:13

It's the end of the world, what do you expect, Shrike?

RvidxrKlvn | 8

#5266084 - Friday 21 December 2012 2:29

Too many people just skim right through everything

mtlfenix | 7

#5266663 - Friday 21 December 2012 7:08

No, just f'n stupid ... I'm high and I got it right away :)

By verkaderk | 9

#5265922 - Friday 21 December 2012 2:04

Your descriptive wording astounds me

GothickNihilist | 15

#5266070 - Friday 21 December 2012 2:27

Cockbite is definitely a new one. It's right up there with asscricket and fuckball.

sens3sfailing | 24

#5266131 - Friday 21 December 2012 2:43

Don't forget asscandle

olpally | 32

#5266198 - Friday 21 December 2012 3:08

And douche nozzle! Lol :D

jonmansheppard | 9

#5266344 - Friday 21 December 2012 4:09

And, a bit older, but pimply cockmunch

Prodigy7 | 4

#5266614 - Friday 21 December 2012 6:29

Cockbreath.

LadyTorako | 7

#5266648 - Friday 21 December 2012 6:58

Or my personal favorite-- asshat :)

freshprizzle1 | 13

#5266694 - Friday 21 December 2012 7:52

How about "peniswrinkle"?

andyyroxx | 20

#5266934 - Friday 21 December 2012 10:23

Cuntnugget! Piece of ass, fuckass, cheesy scrotum, dickpicker.

lemonlift | 6

#5270196 - Saturday 22 December 2012 7:34

I like the pun in there, "this shit" good stuff op

By MisterMichael | 9

#5265934 - Friday 21 December 2012 2:05

What movies have you been watching?

FlamingTacos | 7

#5266352 - Friday 21 December 2012 4:12

Dumb and dumber

MisterMichael | 9

#5267405 - Friday 21 December 2012 15:52

Touché

By Pleonasm | 31

#5265946 - Friday 21 December 2012 2:06

That sounds like a Hole lot of pain.

oj101 | 33

#5266350 - Friday 21 December 2012 4:11

Agreed. I have to Ass a point, that your co-worker is despicable. What a turd. It's time to go nuclear with him. What a crappy shituation.

BellaBelle_fml | 23

#5269164 - Saturday 22 December 2012 1:16

oj101; You tried way to hard to make your so-called puns work. Some of them didn't even make any sense, and the rest just didn't go together to make a coherent sentence.