By Anonymous - 20/12/2012 21:49 - United Kingdom - London

Today, at my new job, some juvenile cockbite spiked my food with a laxative, as part of some kind of bizarre hazing ritual. The bastard got ratted out and suspended, but my arsehole now feels like it's been blown apart by a nuclear warhead. I thought this shit only happened in movies. FML
I agree, your life sucks 34 394
You deserved it 6 529

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Top comments

I don't think I've ever read an fml with such detailed imagery...

Your descriptive wording astounds me


How did this post make it through the moderate process? How you worded it was terrible. Let the thumb downs begin.

the_smart_way 10

Attempt at a joke

MichellinMan 20

I cracked up at this comment just because of its pure stupidity.

In order to preserve the sacred tradition I will say it xD "what a shitty situation OP" xD

I don't think I've ever read an fml with such detailed imagery...

Haha it's maybe a little overboard...

how am i high or stupid? i think that op is the high or stupid one..

Well now I stand corrected #38. good God.

Hiimhaileypotter 52

#38- I remember reading that on the day it was published. Freaking hilarious! This one comes as a close second though!

oj101 33

Aw OP, what a shitty sit..... Gets head bashed on keyboard dnksjshabahhalaodbrbaklalsdd

I don't think I've ever read an FML with such a strong British accent in my head before!

There is no such thing as a British accent. What you're hearing in your head is the posh Hollywood stereotype. We aren't all Colin Firth!

skyttlz 32

That story made me realize national dog day is my birthday lol.

Ouch, I would get him back even worse

TopBanana20 11

The guy got suspended, if OP "got him back worse", I'm sure OP would get ratted out and suspended too. So kind of pointless, don't you think?

yeah, this fml doesnt make much sense the first time you read it..

Holy shit, you must be pretty high and/or stupid, then.

It's the end of the world, what do you expect, Shrike?

RvidxrKlvn 8

Too many people just skim right through everything

No, just f'n stupid ... I'm high and I got it right away :)

Your descriptive wording astounds me

Cockbite is definitely a new one. It's right up there with asscricket and fuckball.

Don't forget asscandle

olpally 32

And douche nozzle! Lol :D

And, a bit older, but pimply cockmunch

Prodigy7 4


Or my personal favorite-- asshat :)

How about "peniswrinkle"?

Cuntnugget! Piece of ass, fuckass, cheesy scrotum, dickpicker.

I like the pun in there, "this shit" good stuff op

What movies have you been watching?

FlamingTacos 7

Dumb and dumber

That sounds like a Hole lot of pain.

oj101 33

Agreed. I have to Ass a point, that your co-worker is despicable. What a turd. It's time to go nuclear with him. What a crappy shituation.

BellaBelle_fml 23

oj101; You tried way to hard to make your so-called puns work. Some of them didn't even make any sense, and the rest just didn't go together to make a coherent sentence.

Wait, I thought that biological and nuclear warfare were against the Geneva convention?

onorexveritas 23

you know it doesn't just happen in movies

I'm preeeeetty sure he knows by now.

onorexveritas 23

that was my point