Today, at my new job, some juvenile cockbite spiked my food with a laxative, as part of some kind of bizarre hazing ritual. The bastard got ratted out and suspended, but my arsehole now feels like it's been blown apart by a nuclear warhead. I thought this shit only happened in movies. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I have been victimised by a lunch thief at work for months, despite numerous complaints to management, so I exposed the thief by lacing my curry with that old classic, laxatives. Even though my coworker was caught brown-handed shitting himself, I was the one suspended for making him sick. FML
Today, after weeks of stealing lunch from one of my employees, he made a sandwich with canned cat food, soap, and something unimaginably spicy that caused me to spew all over my office and laptop. I fired him. Now everyone is treating me like a monster. FML
Today, I wasn't feeling well at work. While I was in the bathroom losing my lunch, a very large piece of food came up. The resulting splash of toilet water went straight up into my mouth. FML
Today, at the microbiology lab, I discovered that the guy who took the shift before me didn't sterilize the work space very well. I am now blowing chunks from both ends from a very nasty strain of E. Coli. My company blames me. FML
Today, as if having diarrhea at work wasn’t bad enough, my office’s aggressively flushing toilet sprayed me with my own liquid shit. FML
Today, at work, my boss went to the single-stall bathroom on our floor. The next thing I know, I'm on suspension pending review because some asshole left an upper-decker in the toilet. Since I'm the office prankster, all suspicion is now on me. I've been framed by my own colleagues. FML
Today, at work, I had a coughing fit so bad I actually shat myself. What felt like a gallon of liquid crap poured down my trouser leg onto the floor. I work in a competitive office and this happened in front of 30 spiteful coworkers who love posting pics online. FML
Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML
Today, I have food poisoning. My boss told me that if I didn't come into work, I'd be fired. Not 30 minutes after sitting down, I sneezed and shat my pants. My boss still won't let me leave. FML
Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML
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Top comments
keverdeen 14
I don't think I've ever read an fml with such detailed imagery...
verkaderk 9
Your descriptive wording astounds me
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Comments (124)
Derpina_ 4
Someone please explain to my how this is a YDI? Good job warning management about that, though, OP. Probably won't happen again.
yuggi1 11
You should had fought the laxative off with foods that constipate. I heard that bacon is one of them. Lol
patrickalamo 48
Assault charges anyone???
kalbrek009 20
On what planet do those of you who gave a "you deserve it" live?....FML for knowing such people as you exist.
Supahnova 14
He only got suspended? What the hell.
Dixbfloppin 11
I admire the excessive use of vulgar language in this FML.
lilycanscool 6
lol "this shit only happens in movies" Pun intended?
Kyle225 3
Your words.... They amaze me...
Zephianaxo 7
Sounds like you have a crappy job. (Huehuehue). But seriously, who voted this YDI .... and why?!?
billyz77 24
I voted it YDI because I feel people should stick up for themselves and fight their own battles, not just complain about it on some website. If the little bastard would've done that to me nobody would have heard about it and he wouldn't have been suspended - but he probably wouldn't want to work there anymore, either.