Animals: Today, after spending four hours cooking food for a special family...

By Auroraen - 28/06/2013 01:23 - United States - Oswego

Today, after spending four hours cooking food for a special family dinner, I went to take a shower before they arrived. I came back out less than twenty minutes later to find most of the food gone, and a very guilty-looking puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 975

You deserved it 10 448

Auroraen tells us more.

Auroraen 8

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Friday 28 June 2013 18:00

OP here. Wow. Thanks for all the nice words, guys. My "puppy" is a 120lb, 9 month old Great Dane. Her name is Lily, and she is worse than Marmaduke and Marly put together. She is a total troublemaker. I had made zucchini bread, beef stew, a bunch of sides, as well as a cake. All of it was from scratch. I had actually put one of those baby gates across the entry-way to the kitchen, and she ended up knocking it over. Next time, I think she's going in the cage while I take a shower. And btw, I did just order a pizza. Everyone had a good laugh at me. And yes, she's practically impossible to stay mad at.

Animals

Dementia or hate? You decide

Vulture

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

By Steph - 19/08/2019 02:00 - United States

Today, I was at a soccer game when some guys walking behind me yelled that I had a nice ass. I then heard someone shout, "Hey, assholes. That's my daughter." He yelled at them for quite a while. He wasn't my dad, just some weird dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 508

You deserved it 397

By Daryll - 22/01/2009 00:44 - United States

Today, I met a girl who had a deeper voice than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 176

You deserved it 4 379

By sleepyt127 - 07/05/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, after leaving a bar I fell asleep on the Q train heading home. I awoke at 5am in Coney Island, end of the line, to a cop poking me with his baton. He gave me a ticket for "Subway Vagrancy" even though I have a job and an apartment. He didn't ticket the homeless man next to me covered in piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 032

You deserved it 7 735

By wow - 25/11/2010 07:32 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that I wasn't really allergic to chocolate. My parents made it up when I was a child because they didn't want me to get fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 871

You deserved it 4 433

Purr Evil

By Anonymous - 05/03/2021 15:30 - United States - Alachua

Today, I was awakened at 5:30 a.m. Did my dog need to go out? No. Did my alarm go off? No. My neighbor's asshole cat was on my window AC, scratching at my window, before pissing on the AC and jumping off. If I turn it on, my bedroom will reek of cat piss. The high today will be near 90. FML

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 67

By PerpetuallyHappy - 25/09/2012 23:20 - United States - Rochester

Today, I got sent to the principal's office because my Dad decided that instead of signing his name, he would sign, "Ms. Bigtits", because he wanted to make sure the teachers were paying attention to what their students handed in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 795

You deserved it 1 908

By Locked Out - 14/05/2013 19:11 - United States

Today, after coming home from school, I found that two birds have made a nest above the porch light. This wouldn't be a problem if they stopped attacking me every time I get within 5 feet of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 680

You deserved it 3 528

By epicsquishii - 01/05/2012 11:02 - United States - Riverbank

Today, my boyfriend yet again unsuccessfully tried to hold in uncontrollable giggling every time I moaned or sighed during sex. He's 24. I'm terrified of his reaction should I ever reach an orgasm with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 843

You deserved it 3 440

By Kimmikoto - 31/01/2017 07:00 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, the vet told me that my cat is too fat to be able to wipe her own ass. I had to go Walmart to purchase pet wipes to clean her butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 854

You deserved it 3 503

By brokeandhungry - 04/07/2013 05:18 - United States

Today, I saw a little girl digging in the gravel inside the fireworks tent I work in. After she and her family left, I went and used my foot to smooth out the mound she'd made. In doing so, I discovered that she wasn't digging, she was burying. She'd pooped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 077

You deserved it 4 766

Charming...

By Anonymous - 01/06/2018 15:00

Today, my toddler is starting to realize when she has a dirty diaper. How do I know? She walked up to me with a shit covered hand, saying "Poop Mommy! Poop!!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 287

You deserved it 379

By Mike - 01/03/2009 02:42 - United States

Today, I spent 300 dollars making colored flyers for my iPhone that I lost. On the flyer I wrote for whoever found it to call me and I would give a reward. I wrote the phone number of my iPhone that I lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 640

You deserved it 133 759

By Anonymous - 09/03/2010 08:57 - United States

Today, my roommate confronted me about my eating disorder. She described in length how emaciated my chest has become and how she wants to help. Except I don't have an eating disorder. My sternum is deformed and I have only recently become confident enough to wear low-cut tops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 529

You deserved it 2 622

By Annomymous - 23/01/2015 18:12 - United States - Clarkston

Today, my asshat roommate tricked me into eating a weed brownie. I thought it was his terrible attempt at baking regular brownies until it kicked in at college. I was so high, I started giggling like a schoolgirl when my instructor said "Dickens". Now everyone thinks I'm a retard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 805

You deserved it 4 856

By Anonymous - 02/07/2014 23:20 - United Kingdom - Harrow

Today, my shoes were rubbing against my heel so much that one heel started to bleed. Not having any plasters, I stuffed some tissue down my shoe. When I walked off the train, a wad of blood-stained tissue fell out the back of my shoe. The guy behind me didn't think it came from my shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 787

You deserved it 5 394

By notestojenn - 05/07/2012 02:55 - United States - Manchester

Today, I walked into my roommate's room to ask him a question, only to see a pitcher with over a pint of urine in it sitting on his bookcase. This is at least the fifth conversation in a year I've had with him about not peeing in containers in his room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 950

You deserved it 2 088

By Anonymous - 24/06/2012 05:01 - United States - Sacramento

Today, my boyfriend told me I was almost perfect. And the only reason I'm not completely perfect is because I don't like Mountain Dew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 296

You deserved it 29 634

By Anonymous - 25/05/2016 16:38 - United States - Astoria

Today, a stranger nearly beat the crap out of my boyfriend for being a pedo. I ended up showing the guy my driving license to prove I'm not a pre-teen and that I'm just freakishly young looking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 382

You deserved it 980

By Anonymous - 22/10/2015 19:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my two sons were fighting. I had to shout, "Give me that pillow" - the object over which they were quarrelling - and put them into two separate rooms. My sons are 12 and 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 308

You deserved it 2 958

Denial

By Alvin - 02/07/2021 17:01 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I'm quit my job after finding out that there were multiple confirmed cases of Covid-19. It wouldn't be a big deal, if I didn't find out that people aren't following safe distancing, checking their body heat, walking about without face masks, and leaving the entire site dirty as fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 740

You deserved it 265

By Anonymous - 01/05/2019 04:00

Today, I noticed that my 80-year-old mother has gone through 50+ bottles of my home-made wine. She only moved in with me a month ago. And now I have no wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 131

You deserved it 213

By GiantsFan13 - 23/07/2013 14:49 - United States - Fort Collins

Today, I went to the Giants game. During the seventh inning stretch they showed me on the jumbo-tron. It was just in time for the entire stadium to see me pull a tampon out of my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 768

You deserved it 8 550

By driver - 25/11/2009 22:24 - New Zealand

Today, I went to start my truck that I had parked in my driveway after a longhaul. The fuel gauge indicated I had a full tank. I didn't fill up. My neighbours' son decided to fill the tank with water with a hose. 150 litres worth on top of diesel. His dad's response: "Kids eh, what ya gonna do?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 510

You deserved it 2 629

By lunab123 - 31/12/2014 20:59 - United States - Potomac

Today, I got a letter from my long time boyfriend asking me to meet him at the place we first met for a "surprise". I can't remember where that even is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 533

You deserved it 12 856

By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 01:39 - United States

Today, I came home to my family remodeling our (extremely) out of date bathroom. I was SUPER excited to help them get it done. I walked down the hallway and opened my bedroom door to find a huge, gaping hole in my wall and my room covered in dust. I had to sweep every surface in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 283

You deserved it 3 245

By Anonymous - 11/05/2009 03:28 - Canada

Today, my fiancé proposed to me at the movies. The movie stopped in the middle, and my fiancé stands up, takes out a microphone and announces to the entire theatre that he loves me. Right when he went on one knee, someone shouts, "Turn the movie back on!", and throws a cup of coke at my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 426

You deserved it 16 122

Pick me!

By Anonymous - 13/05/2021 17:01

Today, I wore my tightest, slightly too small, push-up bra and low cut top to impress a guy at work. He came over to borrow a pen. I leaned down to get one out of my bag and my nipple popped out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 248

You deserved it 1 766

Heaven knows I'm miserable now

By lazydude - 17/03/2021 11:01

Today, I got hired and now I have to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 1 451

By ponyboy - 22/01/2010 22:41 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she suspected me of cheating. She thought I was cheating because she caught me sneaking out in the middle of the night. I was sneaking out to plan my proposal to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 255

You deserved it 4 168

Fair Warning

By TheNoseKnows - 16/02/2017 14:00 - United States - Bronx

Today, while sitting in a bar, I offered to buy the drunk chick sitting next to me a drink. She was a lot more inebriated than I thought, because she looked at me with bloodshot eyes and cheerfully responded, "There's a rotten smell in my vagina!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 706

You deserved it 2 482

By Motha - 09/04/2014 05:17 - United States - West Jordan

Today, my obsession with saying "your mom" reached a new level when my anatomy teacher asked what I did with my pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 592

You deserved it 50 348

By Anonymous - 01/01/2013 06:12 - United States - Amelia

Today, my brother thought New Year's would be more epic and memorable if the fireworks were set off in the family room and not outside. It is memorable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 238

You deserved it 3 587

By twicethepersonioncewas - 18/10/2016 05:19 - United States - Merion Station

Today, I'm still reeling over the unexpected loss of my co-worker. I also received a notification that my workload would be increased to more than twice what is was before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 251

You deserved it 958

Forever Alone

By West of the day - 22/09/2020 05:01

Today, I've been feeling horny a lot lately, so I downloaded Tinder and subscribed to Tinder Gold. The only matches I've had are with bots and people saying 'subscribe to my Instagram for premium content.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 333

By Anonymous - 17/11/2013 01:03 - United States

Today, I told my roommates they have to go get jobs, because I can't afford to support them or their bad habits any more. They responded by pawning all my DVDs for cash to buy cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 610

You deserved it 7 094

By sorrygrandma - 01/02/2012 03:34 - United States

Today, our school chorus went to a senior citizens' home. An elderly lady died during my solo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 443

You deserved it 4 186

By little nokken - 19/05/2018 13:00 - United States

Today, I was out driving with my dad when the car broke down. He made me get out and push. I am a 5 ft tall 90 lb girl, and the car was an SUV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 758

You deserved it 465

8 out of 10 orthopedists

By Anonymous - 15/05/2021 14:01 - Germany

Today, I had a talk with my orthopedist about getting back to fitness training. However, according to her, all my favorite exercises, although taught to me by professionals, are "things one should never do" and "very very bad". FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 83

By Goody2shoes - 21/07/2010 16:08 - India

Today, my mom found my pack of cigarettes. She's now making me go to rehab. I had only smoked one cigarette ever just to try it. I didn't even like it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 756

You deserved it 47 053

By lisa - 29/11/2015 16:04 - Australia - Kensington

Today, my sister accused me of "leading on" her creepy best friend and said I should apologize to him for making him think he was going to get lucky. I haven't talked to the guy in over 5 years, except for one random encounter 2 days ago, where all I said was, "Hi, how have you been?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 677

You deserved it 1 380

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Top comments

Inediblepeaches 15

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Friday 28 June 2013 10:54

Probably should have put him in a room somewhere else, or at least put the food up higher. Puppies will eat anything they can get their paws on.

love_me_electric 20

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Friday 28 June 2013 19:43

The dog is still a puppy, you can't expect a dog to be fully trained before it's even a year old. If yours were, that's great, but not every dog is the same.

Inediblepeaches 15

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Friday 28 June 2013 10:54

Probably should have put him in a room somewhere else, or at least put the food up higher. Puppies will eat anything they can get their paws on.

rawr_ily96 24

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Friday 28 June 2013 10:59

Definitely not just puppies. My 10 year old doberman has eaten at least 5 loaves of bread off of the counter. Now we keep it on top of the fridge.

Inediblepeaches 15

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Friday 28 June 2013 11:00

Well, its well known that puppies chew a lot more than older dogs, but I guess some never change.

thatkidhesh 11

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Friday 28 June 2013 11:19

time to invest in some taller tables OP.

hemz_fml 13

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Friday 28 June 2013 14:52

Puppies are awesome, this brought back so many memories of my GSD. You can't possibly be mad at the little guy/gal anyway just look at the eyes!

EmsyyyRose13 24

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Friday 28 June 2013 19:10

My puggle gets into purses and bathroom trash cans to chew gum. Dogs get into everything.

Ambient25 24

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Friday 28 June 2013 10:54

Awww but he's just a puppy, you can't be mad at those puppy eyes! He's innocent I tell you. I have a Malamute, I love him so much :D

dallaschloe2 15

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Friday 28 June 2013 11:51

so cute and fluffy!

gimmicksz 9

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Friday 28 June 2013 19:43

Yea ur puppy is fuckin adorableee lol

summy15423 12

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Friday 28 June 2013 10:55

Awe your puppy must be sooooo sorry. Sorry OP, that's why we have pizza delivery!

Inediblepeaches 15

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Friday 28 June 2013 10:57

OP said is was a special family dinner. I dont think pizza will cut it.

queerdragon 20

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Friday 28 June 2013 10:59

Its not a family affair until something goes wrong.

thatkidhesh 11

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Friday 28 June 2013 11:33

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

SoulHunter36 16

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Friday 28 June 2013 14:54

Nonsense. Pizza always cuts it and perfect for any special occasion. XD I'm also sure her family won't mind after being told the story and will probably laugh at it. No one can stay mad at a puppy.

perdix 29

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Friday 28 June 2013 17:19

#5, you drive a hard bargain -- OK, pizza AND cheesy bread!! That's cordon bleu in my book!

zandalee 19

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Friday 28 June 2013 10:55

Problem is, it's literally impossible to be angry with a puppy. Especially a guilty looking one.

Zimmington 21

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Friday 28 June 2013 11:36

Not true

life_sucks225 13

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Saturday 29 June 2013 6:46

yep, i'd get mad for a bit then give it a small punishment.

joetan 16

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Friday 28 June 2013 10:59

Shoot the dog? Fyl.. Coz it's going to another round of hard work..

Inediblepeaches 15

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Friday 28 June 2013 11:01

Shooting the dog is taking it too far. People who harm pets are the worst kind of people.

astralvagan 20

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Friday 28 June 2013 11:03

Shoot the dog, for doing things that puppies do? Are you psychotic?

perdix 29

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Friday 28 June 2013 10:59

Now that he's fattened up pretty good, you can serve up the puppy! Your family dinner will indeed be "special." Of course, everyone will have to get their stomachs pumped and you'll get locked up in the loony bin if you tell them what the main dish was.

thatkidhesh 11

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Friday 28 June 2013 11:35

9. this isn't China.

Queensland 27

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Friday 28 June 2013 11:45

They'll think you're barking mad!

Sinistra_Blue 12

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Friday 28 June 2013 17:34

That sounds like it'd be pretty ruff.

MattTheSlovenian 10

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Friday 28 June 2013 11:00

D'awww its a puppy :D u can' t be mad at him OP besides,the family will probably understand the problem and then you and your family can go together to a restaurant :)