Today, at work, my boss went to the single-stall bathroom on... - FML

By Anonymous - 2/10/2011 20:35 - United Kingdom

Today, at work, my boss went to the single-stall bathroom on our floor. The next thing I know, I'm on suspension pending review because some asshole left an upper-decker in the toilet. Since I'm the office prankster, all suspicion is now on me. I've been framed by my own colleagues. FML

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Understandable

Serious times

Alternative medicine is bull

By teaspoonzz - 25/10/2017 15:00

Today, I walked into the ladies' bathroom to find my male boss taking a dump with the stall door wide open. FML

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By newcomer - 12/4/2017 05:00 - Canada - Kingston

Today, to treat the family, I cooked something nice in appreciation for sticking it out over the past few tough months. Unfortunately, I chose this one day to not wear my oven mitts when carrying the food to the table, spilling the food all over the carpeted floor. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/12/2011 00:10 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend proposed. I fainted due to the excitement. He took it as a "no" and won't pick up my calls. FML

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By NewRoommateNeededASAP - 13/10/2016 01:29 - United States

Today, I skipped class and went to back my apartment early. I found that my roommate had broken into my room and was laying in my bed wearing my underwear, taking pictures of herself. Apparently, she's been doing it all semester. FML

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By GirlishMan1883897 - 24/7/2010 10:53 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because she said I was more of a woman than she was. I yelled out, "I HATE YOU!" and started to cry. She then took a tampon out of her purse, handed it to me, laughed, and walked away. FML

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By MahSquito - 6/2/2012 02:14 - United States

Today, a train hit me. A slow mini-train full of kindergartners who were on a tour of the museum I was visiting. FML

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By dasnich - 5/2/2012 03:46 - United States

Today, after a twelve week dry spell followed by an eight week one, I decided to take a bit more initiative at seducing my girlfriend. Not only was she "not in the mood" again, but she offered me Trident Layers gum instead. She apparently thought that it was a fair trade. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2020 20:03 - Australia

FML every way you look at it

Today, I had an enjoyable Tinder date, but I wasn't feeling any physical attraction because of her short hair. I let her know, to which she replied, "I don't like it either but growing it after chemo is a slow process." FML

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By zstarr - 14/7/2012 11:15 - United States - Rome

Today, I realized my boyfriend uses sex as a way to get me to stop talking. FML

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By unamyous - 8/6/2012 13:26 - United States - Canoga Park

Phone-blocked

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom. Her phone rang and she stopped to have an hour long conversation with her ex. FML

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By Fluffy - 13/12/2017 19:00

Thanks, honey.

Today, I noticed that I've been gaining some weight. Don't worry, my boyfriend doesn't mind. His new favorite thing is putting my boobs on his head and saying he feels "safe". FML

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By oompaloompa - 28/10/2019 12:00

New, from L'Oréal!

Today, I used a self-tanning towelette to help even out my tan lines and disguise my vitiligo a bit. Now my stomach is orange and my spots are even more noticeable. FML

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By BALEIGHLOVE17 - 20/5/2011 05:46

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me. Ten minutes after, he called me asking how to change his relationship status on facebook. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2015 17:46 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, a couple asked me donate my eggs so they could start a family. When I refused, I was called heartless by my ex-husband and the woman he cheated on me with for over two years. FML

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By Dee Dee - 22/5/2020 08:00

In these times

Today, my husband and I purchased a new-used truck, after being assured for weeks by the company owner we work for that the company will remain open. Later, we received an email saying that the office is closing permanently. Our jobs are "secure", but he needs help selling and moving the equipment. FML

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By lexiibabe - 25/6/2019 18:30 - United States - Attleboro

Today, my older brother gave me his old phone. He didn't realize that he hadn't deleted his pictures. I found a bunch of him wearing my underwear and bras. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2010 01:40 - United States

Today, I woke up at 3am because my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. I went off to the guest room to try to get back to sleep. Eventually I fell back asleep. Then I had a dream that my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. It woke me up. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2019 14:29

Tonight, on First Dates…

Today, I discovered that pictures really make a person look more attractive than they really are. Besides the downgrade in attraction, we got to spend the next two hours playing an awkward game of 20 questions. This from a guy that wanted nudes right away. So much for online charm. FML

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By Spike - 29/3/2011 18:08 - United States

Today, I found out my dad has a 1-in-a-million disease that makes your liver process pain medication at twice the rate of a normal person. If that wasn't bad enough, he also tells me he hopes I don't have it too, because it can be passed down. He said this because I'm 29 weeks pregnant. FML

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By nycol - 17/2/2012 14:13 - Australia

Today, I had to explain to my 18-year-old boyfriend why it is not okay to pee in the pool. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/3/2017 14:00

'Cause I'm a Criminal

Today, I woke up to find both of my bank accounts frozen. My bank informed me that the IRS had ordered a freeze on my assets because of back taxes owed, and would not unfreeze them until the money is paid. The amount? $2.47. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/4/2009 18:19 - United States

Today, I backed my car into a parked car in a parking lot. Not only did I back into a parked car, but it was the ONLY parked car there. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 03:30 - Canada

Today, I was watching the show "Sixteen and Pregnant". I started bawling when the girl's dirtbag boyfriend proposed to her with a $20 ring he bought from Walmart because I was so lonely and was jealous of her "romantic relationship". FML

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By Halloween Fail - 1/11/2014 03:59 - United States - Braidwood

Today, I went to a Halloween party dressed in Charlie Brown's ghost costume, a white sheet with holes all over. I got beat up for dressing like a member of the KKK. FML

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By Tytonic - 2/2/2016 22:25 - United States - Washington

Today, I took a few Advil. They weren't Advil. My dad mixed the containers and I have no idea what I just took. FML

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By annesolmm - 28/3/2014 01:17 - France - Paris

Today, I'm in Venice for a romantic weekend. While I was gushing about the gondolas, canals and the city of love in general, the only thing my boyfriend could say was, "Wow! How cool is it to be on the set of the Tomb Raider movie?" FML

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By why? - 12/4/2020 17:00

Unreasonable demands

Today, my close friend who’s always been incredibly vocal about how much she hates children, never wants to be around them or have anything to do with them, stopped speaking to me. She’s incredibly "hurt" that I asked another friend to be my unborn child's godmother instead of her. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/9/2009 07:22 - United States

Today, while I was at the beach I decided to go into the ocean even though the waves looked rough. While I was in the water, I got caught by the riptide and needed to be saved. The reason I was at the beach? I'm a lifeguard. Now all my co-workers won't stop laughing at me. FML

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By Lenny_R - 8/12/2016 19:53

Today, I got pulled over for having an expired registration. I also found out my husband hasn't been paying for my car insurance. Luckily, I didn't get arrested because I had my baby with me. They towed my car and gave me 2 tickets and a court date. Oh, and the cop sent me a friend request. FML

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By our kids will be derps - 22/6/2013 19:28 - Canada - Nelson

Today, my boyfriend found an empty snail shell. I tried messing with him by saying the snail had turned into a slug, like caterpillars turn into butterflies. He quickly replied, "Yeah I know. I'm not a tard, babe." and said he'd been taught all that and more back in school. What the hell? FML

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By liveviathetredmill - 1/10/2012 20:04 - United States - New York

Today, I realized that every targeted advertisement on my Facebook involves gym memberships and diet pills. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2009 16:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I got my long hair cut in a short pixie cut. When my five year old daughter saw me she laughed and proclaimed 'You look just like a man!'. That afternoon I got a concerned call from the school. My daughter has told everyone 'mummy has gone away, I now have two daddies!' FML

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By extrashiftwhoo - 4/11/2016 13:59 - Australia - Preston

Today, I really didn't want to go to work. Still, I showed up for work early on the busiest night of the week and stayed back until past 10 p.m. Exhausted, I went to sign off the roster when I realised that, in fact, I was not rostered on for today at all. I'm on tomorrow, though. FML

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By anon - 20/3/2015 21:43 - United States - Arlington

Today, I decided I would actually make use of my apartment complex's exercise equipment. My routine consisted of one mile on the treadmill, and 15 minutes on the toilet followed by 10 minutes of lying in the fetal position on my bath mat. Great core workout. FML

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By whatzthehell - 3/6/2009 10:31 - Kuwait

Today, I woke up with a splitting headache. Then someone at work wouldn't stop whistling loudly and it was getting on my nerves. "Can the dick who is whistling please stop?" I asked. It was the general manager of my department. I'm still on probation. FML

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By twat - 23/1/2009 06:41 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to give things a go with the guy that has fancied me for three years, based purely on my looks. After getting to know my personality he has decided he no longer fancies me at all. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2020 17:00

Assumptions

Today, I found out that most of the people I work with secretly refer to me as the "designated bottom" because they assumed from my slight stature and soft spoken personality that I was a submissive homosexual. My wife thinks it’s hilarious and keeps grabbing my ass to make me jump in shock. FML

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By ohwell - 1/9/2016 17:49 - United States - Arlington

Today, I handed in my 2 weeks notice, since I have to leave for college soon. My boss told me it was fine, then cut all my remaining shifts. FML

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By youwouldbeacat - 28/4/2009 02:38 - United States

Today, I was making a nacho and grabbed some refried beans that were in a plastic container out of the fridge and put them on top of the chips. After I’m completely done eating my mom looks in the fridge and asked me if I knew where the cat food was. I just ate a small can of cat food. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/11/2015 13:02 - Canada - Surrey

Thanks

Today, while walking to work with my best friend, he broke down in tears. I asked what was wrong, and he told me his mom passed away last night. All I could think to do was give him a hug and say I was sorry. Then some assclown walking past said "GAAAYYY!" and walked away laughing hysterically. FML

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Top comments

By azcardinals1307 | 2

#3379495 - Monday 3 October 2011 0:58

I suspect it's because they're tired of your stupid pranks.

By Neilish | 15

#3379525 - Monday 3 October 2011 1:01

What is an upper decker??

COMMENTS

By azcardinals1307 | 2

#3379495 - Monday 3 October 2011 0:58

I suspect it's because they're tired of your stupid pranks.

Reply

Death_From_Above | 0

#3379655 - Monday 3 October 2011 1:16

Sucks to suck!

Reply

freddyisepic | 2

#3379788 - Monday 3 October 2011 1:47

An upper-decker?

Reply

CryMoreFMLs | 14

#3379855 - Monday 3 October 2011 2:09

26 - It's when you take a (massive) shit in the tank above the toilet, resulting in it not being found for some time, making a horrid stench and being an asspain to clean up.

Reply

freddyisepic | 2

#3379899 - Monday 3 October 2011 2:20

Haha what an awesome prank IMO

Reply

LiveLaughFML | 10

#3379936 - Monday 3 October 2011 2:28

it's like the story the boy who cried wolf. except without all the townspeople and flesh-eating beasts. :~)

Reply

BadKitty13 | 27

#3379993 - Monday 3 October 2011 2:42

EWWW how GROSS.

Reply

BadKitty13 | 27

#3380007 - Monday 3 October 2011 2:45

EWWWW That is really GROSS ! OP GROW THE FUCK UP ! you deserve to be fired ! I have no pity for you.

Reply

Andr913 | 13

#3380052 - Monday 3 October 2011 3:00

Right now, there are 374 FYLs and 374 YDIs...keep it that way!!!

Reply

LiveLaughFML | 10

#3380077 - Monday 3 October 2011 3:15

#39: lol um no OP didn't do that =/ please re-read the FML carefully.

Reply

chell1894 | 13

#3380096 - Monday 3 October 2011 3:19

I suspect, your fucked

Reply

white16sox | 19

#3380665 - Monday 3 October 2011 5:36

FYL OP. This sucks.

Reply

ImFrackinBored | 13

#3381110 - Monday 3 October 2011 8:17

This happens to me at school xD (being blamed, not shitting in the top part of the toilet O___O)

By UMad_Bro | 3

#3379502 - Monday 3 October 2011 0:58

lol they prankes you back

Reply

UMad_Bro | 3

#3379593 - Monday 3 October 2011 1:06

pranked* the d and the s are next to eachother on the keyboard, my bad xD

Reply

citymayer | 7

#3380893 - Monday 3 October 2011 6:33

Ha ha! Omg I had to explain myself.

You do know there's an edit feature right?

Reply

citymayer | 7

#3380895 - Monday 3 October 2011 6:33

Ha ha! Omg I had to explain myself.

You do know there's an edit feature right?

Reply

citymayer | 7

#3380898 - Monday 3 October 2011 6:33

Ha ha! Omg I had to explain myself.

You do know there's an edit feature right?

By Neilish | 15

#3379525 - Monday 3 October 2011 1:01

What is an upper decker??

Reply

ArcadePie | 10

#3379563 - Monday 3 October 2011 1:03

When someone takes a shit in the cistern (top part of toilet)

Reply

Silenthunter | 0

#3379687 - Monday 3 October 2011 1:23

Watch The Office (U.S)

Reply

ShyAnn29 | 14

#3379764 - Monday 3 October 2011 1:43

Thank you 8, I didn't know what that was either

Reply

chell1894 | 13

#3380107 - Monday 3 October 2011 3:22

It's a fucking bitch to clean up and takes people a long time to find where the horrid stench is coming from.. I'd kill someone if they did that to my toilet. Except it is the ultimate revenge. Someone pisses you off, just upper decker their toilet.

Reply

Iheartfunny | 1

#3380272 - Monday 3 October 2011 4:07

Well OP knew the risks when he singed up to be the office prankster its just not a job for everyone.

We lose so many new recruites that way its a damn shame

Reply

HerpaderpMeg | 12

#4133159 - Wednesday 7 March 2012 22:32

its worse when the shit sits there, then when you flush the toilet, bam, shit instead of water. Most disgusting thing ever.

By coltsrock37 | 15

#3379539 - Monday 3 October 2011 1:02

That's what you get for not taking your job seriously

Reply

AngryCanadian | 0

#3382487 - Monday 3 October 2011 17:10

Jim Halpert just got owned

By ArcadePie | 10

#3379541 - Monday 3 October 2011 1:02

Kind of like the boy who cried wolf except with pranks, and someone taking a dump in the cistern

Reply

megapeyt | 17

#3379590 - Monday 3 October 2011 1:06

2 things
1: good analogy
2: nice profile pic

Reply

FreakAZoidd | 3

#3380887 - Monday 3 October 2011 6:32

I kno 12, already said it, but your profile pic makes me laugh every time.

By ckr911 | 5

#3379548 - Monday 3 October 2011 1:03

Maybe you shouldn't be annoying and play idiot pranks on your colleagues.

By fatalkiss | 0

#3379554 - Monday 3 October 2011 1:03

Well, uh... You wanted people to see you that way, so now they do. What'd you expect?

By megapeyt | 17

#3379575 - Monday 3 October 2011 1:04

The one time you don't do it, is the one time you WILL take the heat for it. That's life for you. FYL dude

By Dramori | 29

#3379584 - Monday 3 October 2011 1:05

Demand DNA testing on the evidence? ;)

Reply

farhil | 14

#3380406 - Monday 3 October 2011 4:40

Dude, I totally thought you were a girl at first...

By twofirstnames | 12

#3379603 - Monday 3 October 2011 1:07

Karma..