Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She came over to see me...

By Anonymous - 10/1/2010 21:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She came over to see me one last time. We hugged for minutes and cried; it was a touching moment. Just after she left, I realized my wallet that I had on the table beside us was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40498

You deserved it

4830

Favorite

Love

The end of the road

Gas giant

Stubborn

By hahahaha090114 - 30/1/2010 18:59 - United States

Today, I found out I was getting a divorce. My wife is leaving me for my brother, saying that now that he has money there is nothing that can stand in their way. I recently decided to send him money to help him get back on his feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45021

You deserved it

3000

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/2/2018 15:00

Today, I came out as transgender to my extremely accepting and religious family over Facebook. My feed is currently flooded with plans for my exorcism. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4512

You deserved it

1465

Favorite

By anonymous - 28/12/2011 08:14 - United States

Today, my 9 month old son realized he is just as tired as I am. His solution is to cry loudly. My solution was to cry along with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35340

You deserved it

5147

Favorite

By fmlsomuch - 25/2/2012 20:51 - Japan

Today, I told my mom about an article I'd seen that said people tend to make the most mistakes at 2 to 3 in the morning. Without a trace of humor in her voice, she said, "Tell me about it. You were conceived round about then." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30104

You deserved it

3343

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/5/2012 11:05 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend started a conversation with "I don't want to break up" and ended the conversation with "I think I'd be better off alone." So I guess I'm now single. I think. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28999

You deserved it

2493

Favorite

By sarskii - 16/8/2010 23:01 - United States

Today, my mother found out that I'm sexually active. She wants me to tell my father. I'm seventeen, and my father still has trouble grasping the fact that I carry a purse, because it means I'm "growing up." This should be fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36781

You deserved it

19472

Favorite

By kevcng - 10/9/2012 21:20 - United States

Today, I was sitting in on a boring presentation at work. I yawned and shifted in my chair, accidentally sitting on my testicles. I shrieked in pain and spent the next five minutes choking back tears, while my boss told me to shut my mouth and stop fucking around. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24632

You deserved it

7951

Favorite

By workerbee - 9/8/2019 12:00

Today, because of a miscommunication with my boss, the furniture I was renting during my summer job was taken back by the movers. I still have a week of work left and nothing to eat with, and nothing to sit or sleep on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1410

You deserved it

117

Favorite

By lauren - 21/6/2016 19:06 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I was chaperoning for my 8-year-old sister's class in school. The bus ride was an hour long, so several people didn't make it to the bathroom in time. Unfortunately, one of them was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11027

You deserved it

2977

Favorite

By hopeless - 7/10/2016 20:28 - United States - Annandale On Hudson

Today, I confessed my feelings to the only man I've ever loved. He asked me for dating advice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10267

You deserved it

790

Favorite

By theultimatesalonfail - 15/8/2011 00:47 - United States

Today, a girl came into my salon to permanently straighten her really long and curly hair. After several long hours, I went to the counter to charge her. She ran out faster than an Olympic runner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42564

You deserved it

3143

Favorite

By stupidbug. - 9/4/2012 08:28 - Canada

Today, I thought it would be funny to pee on a small bug in the toilet. A much larger bug thought it would be funny to fly into my eye while I was doing this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11944

You deserved it

36852

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/9/2014 11:46 - United States - Gaffney

Today, my brother got the same cologne as the guy I've been seeing for a while. Every time I'm with my brother I think about him, and every time I'm with him I think about my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43704

You deserved it

4481

Favorite

By skunkcat - 11/3/2020 21:00 - United States

Smelly business

Today, I was drunk in a hotel lobby with some of my cousins. I went out on the patio to get some fresh air when I saw a black cat in the bushes. I went straight over to it and started to pet it. I realized too late that the black cat was actually a skunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

546

You deserved it

1596

Favorite

By nickorion12 - 28/6/2016 14:21 - United States - Shawnee

Today, it's my birthday. My children decided to make me "breakfast in bed", only to end up catching the kitchen on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11515

You deserved it

1263

Favorite

By Sayahh - 7/1/2017 08:07

Today, I pulled a muscle at work doing a cartwheel. I was doing the cartwheel to prove to one of my students that adults can do cartwheels too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6539

You deserved it

3161

Favorite

By angelsaredicks - 11/9/2015 13:55 - United States - Morgantown

Today, I gave blood for the first time, since I'm a universal donor. After it was done, I passed out, woke up, puked, and passed out again. The kind nurses told me I was the worst case they had seen all week. So much for doing something to help others. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23896

You deserved it

2063

Favorite

By Payt - 19/11/2018 22:00

Today, the guy I have been seeing for 3 months said, "Sorry this isn’t going anywhere, but I want to stay friends because I wanna come back and hang out with your parents." He literally only stayed with me because I live on a farm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2524

You deserved it

155

Favorite

By Anonymous - 31/5/2016 15:30 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I fell down the stairs while holding some dirty glasses from my room. I ended up pulling pieces of glass from my body. Meanwhile all my mom cares about is the fact that I broke three of her favorite glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11120

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1741

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/9/2012 04:32 - United States

Today, I went to run an errand while my parents helped unpack boxes in my new house. When I returned, my dad said to me, "I wasn't going to say anything, but we 'did it.' I'll let you figure out which room". FML

I agree, your life sucks

26946

You deserved it

2133

Favorite

By Sadasian - 14/8/2009 06:19 - United States

Today, my mom and dad were arguing. It started getting really heated, so I tried to go break it up. But within a couple of minutes, my mom wanted to make a statement by throwing a plate to the ground, forgetting I was beside her. I now have a throbbing foot with shards of glass in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48031

You deserved it

4079

Favorite

By hannah12345 - 26/2/2010 17:54 - France

Today, my mother walked in on my boyfriend licking whipped cream off my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15736

You deserved it

31674

Favorite

By Hairy Cheek - 15/4/2016 04:27 - United States - Columbia

Today, I was at work and caught my pants on the corner of the door hinge. They tore completely open and my hairy cheek was exposed for the whole office to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20306

You deserved it

2134

Favorite

By sorrydad - 13/12/2009 18:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had our parents over to our new apartment for the first time. We spent hours cleaning, cooking, and making sure everything was "parent-appropriate." Apparently we didn't notice the S and M catalog in the pile on our coffee table... but his mom sure did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9469

You deserved it

19681

Favorite

By dlova - 27/1/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, I was at a party and spent the whole night bragging to my friends about how I thought this girl was totally into me. As we were leaving, we saw the same girl making out with my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10169

You deserved it

24553

Favorite

By ZeroLuck - 16/8/2013 02:32 - United States - Miami

Today, I was at the gym when I noticed a girl I like working out on the elliptical. I went to go say hi, but chickened out and went to run on the treadmill in front of her instead. I was so nervous that I tripped and the machine threw me headfirst into her machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44982

You deserved it

8896

Favorite

By ShellShocked - 30/3/2013 04:06 - United States

Today, I turned 18. My parents got me a pineapple and a pair of socks. I'm allergic to pineapple, and the socks are too small. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43712

You deserved it

3046

Favorite

By xoragebaby - 24/1/2015 01:29 - United States

Today, I realized my job working with food is getting to me. While having sex with my boyfriend, I fell asleep. He asked me what I was doing, and apparently I sleep-talked, saying "I'm chopping lettuce". FML

I agree, your life sucks

37567

You deserved it

4976

Favorite

By SydIsPrettyCool - 4/8/2011 05:44 - United States

Today, my pet fish died because my drunk father microwaved it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50025

You deserved it

3378

Favorite

By MisterT - 19/5/2010 01:23 - United States

Today, my kitchen sink was clogged. I poured a bottle of Drano down and came back two hours later. The clog is still there, but the glue on the pipe is not and now there is Drano-water all over the floor, staining and dissolving everything in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27444

You deserved it

7216

Favorite

By demotivator - 2/11/2014 21:38 - Romania - Timisoara

Today, I finally got off my lazy ass and start studying for my upcoming exam. It was going pretty well, until my classmate called and after I proudly told him about my sudden motivation, the only thing he had to say was, "You got the date wrong, the exam was on thursday." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23061

You deserved it

27446

Favorite

By Wheredigowrong - 21/10/2013 04:18 - United States - Ankeny

Today, my son came home for the fifth time saying he didn't get the job, wondering what he did wrong. I looked at his resumé; under special skills was, "Keeping it real." Apparently he saw it in a movie and thought it would work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45067

You deserved it

5430

Favorite

By snore - 19/4/2014 20:12 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I was feeling really depressed and ended up asking my mom why guys aren't interested in me. She replied with a laundry list of reasons, including, "Hair. Boobs. Face. Everything." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46563

You deserved it

5591

Favorite

By scars - 16/12/2014 15:01 - United States - Edwardsville

Today, my parents decided to "discipline" my kitten by spraying her with water. This somehow managed to completely un-train her, and now she's back to being the compulsive biter she was when I first brought her home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33757

You deserved it

3639

Favorite

By Yo mom - 27/12/2011 07:12 - United States

Today, I was screaming at my neighbor to shut his dog up. After 30 minutes of bellowing, he yelled back that it was my dog that was barking. He was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8661

You deserved it

54850

Favorite

By XavierLing - 23/7/2019 06:00

Today, my thigh was itchy, so I went into a bathroom stall to scratch it. I, for some reason, moaned out loud while doing it. After that, the men's bathroom went completely silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1013

You deserved it

691

Favorite

By parent - 8/3/2018 01:30

Today, I found out that my son has been telling me he's gay so we would allow the "female friend" who is actually his girlfriend to stay over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5103

You deserved it

2745

Favorite

By CreepedOut - 29/8/2010 19:45 - United States

Today, I decided to try something new and sign up for an online dating service, since I can't meet a decent guy in person. The first guy I talked to told me he used to be in a mental hospital for obsessing over a girl, then told me he would be dreaming of me that night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35496

You deserved it

7900

Favorite

By foshizzle - 25/4/2012 06:46 - United States - Orlando

Today, while at work, a man grabbed my beard, said it was impressive, and then uttered the words, "I love you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26874

You deserved it

3156

Favorite

By QueueJumper - 11/2/2014 00:45 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was waiting in line at a clothes store when someone cut in in front of me, and the gentlemen in front of me. I shouted, "Hey! Queue starts back here!". He responded by pointing out the "gentlemen" in front was actually a very realistic mannequin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38452

You deserved it

17514

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By dahlia14 | 0

#766878 - Monday 11 January 2010 1:09

look on the bright side, if you guys were married and divorced it would have cost you a lot more than your wallet

By tyrob911 | 0

#766888 - Monday 11 January 2010 1:11

haha your gf is still in love with your wallet lol

COMMENTS

By dahlia14 | 0

#766878 - Monday 11 January 2010 1:09

look on the bright side, if you guys were married and divorced it would have cost you a lot more than your wallet

blland | 0

#766934 - Monday 11 January 2010 1:25

the time you will need to spend to get all your IDs back is priceless.

By iplaywow | 0

#766879 - Monday 11 January 2010 1:10

fucking bitch! run after her and punch her till she gives it back

By Az_Qtee | 0

#766884 - Monday 11 January 2010 1:10

why would she take your wallet? i agree your life sucks

arandomusernameaa | 20

#5893209 - Saturday 22 March 2014 20:14

because it has money in it...

Driving_Gaming | 22

#6456633 - Sunday 8 November 2015 11:50

topkek m80

By MDNL | 0

#766885 - Monday 11 January 2010 1:10

second. wow that's terrible. find the bitch and get it back!

By tyrob911 | 0

#766888 - Monday 11 January 2010 1:11

haha your gf is still in love with your wallet lol

By carpetlotion | 0

#766892 - Monday 11 January 2010 1:11

Don't punch her! Just steal her money(: hahha

By happyhak | 5

#766896 - Monday 11 January 2010 1:12

Congrats on being first, a prize is being sent to you as we speak, when you recieve it, please kindly shove it up your ass...As for the OP, your now ex-girlfriend is a bitch. She breaks up with you then steals your wallet? I say get it back, tell her parents or something. A great man once saidm, "Dont get upset, get even!"

Wolfwood187 | 0

#766924 - Monday 11 January 2010 1:22

I totally agree with this here... But telling her parents is too easy, I'd shoot for some property damage myself.

By x_HELLo_tHERE_x | 0

#766901 - Monday 11 January 2010 1:13

Geeze, you guys are harsh. You don't have to beat her up. If you really want it back, call the police or something.

By VanessaM474 | 0

#766905 - Monday 11 January 2010 1:14

That Sux hahaha!

By drano | 0

#766914 - Monday 11 January 2010 1:17

She's an amateur. It's all about slipping the money and cards out of the wallet and leaving it where you found it.