Love: Today, my friend mentioned a book that reminded her of me. When... - FML

By Oh really - 28/01/2009 00:17 - Australia

Today, my friend mentioned a book that reminded her of me. When I asked what it was called she said, "He's just not that into you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 759

You deserved it 2 293

Age difference

Management

Quite the journey

Plebs need not apply.

By chels - 17/07/2018 19:00

Today, when my new boyfriend told me he liked playing games, he meant a 60" TV with a professional gaming chair in the middle of his living room, and 48-hour gaming marathons where he totally ignores me, refuses to sleep or shower, and only has energy drinks and cheerios. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 803

You deserved it 830

All in the family

By Anonymous - 04/12/2020 02:02

Today, I found out my boyfriend of a year is actually my cousin. Thanks, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 78

The urge

By Anonymous - 13/07/2020 05:02

Today, I realised why I’m so irritable these days. My former flatmate smoked so many cigarettes that, now he’s moved out and taken the smoke with him, I’m going through nicotine withdrawal. I realised this after I saw cigarettes in a shop and couldn’t stop staring at them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 874

You deserved it 184

By Anonymous - 16/01/2016 05:04 - United States - Placentia

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for another guy by text. I felt so betrayed, I stupidly tried to hurt her by replying that I'd been cheating on her all along with a hot babe. Turned out the dumping text was actually a prank by her friend. Now I'm single and everyone thinks I'm a cheater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 911

You deserved it 29 320

OK Gus

By MartianTom - 14/04/2017 07:00 - United States - Evanston

Today, the maintenance man for my building fixed my leaky sink. As he headed out the door, I said, "Thanks, Gus!" He turned around and said matter-of-factly, "My name is Eli." I've been addressing him as "Gus" for the past year and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 843

You deserved it 1 259

By LOTRfail - 27/07/2012 02:13 - United States - Malden

Spicy

Today, my husband and I were watching Lord of the Rings. My husband told me he sees the eye of Sauron every time he goes down on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 210

You deserved it 4 039

By Christine - 09/05/2009 06:08 - United States

Today, I saw my little brother playing with my new kitten. He is only five and isn't very gentle so I took the cat away and told him "You can't play with the cat! I don't think he likes you very much!" In a joking tone. The cat then bit and clawed my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 954

You deserved it 51 123

Overcome

By Anonymous - 20/02/2021 16:59

Today, I just finished a client meeting. I couldn’t stop stuttering and couldn’t answer their questions. Towards the end, they just ignored me. I’ve been in the job for a year. I’m pretty much in tears now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 191

By medik - 23/02/2010 12:51 - United States

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's parents house for dinner. This was the first time I was meeting them, so I bought a $70 bottle of red wine to try and impress them. I tried to be smooth while popping the cork. I did, but the bottle slipped and red wine poured onto their white carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 827

You deserved it 8 153

Catfished

By phonesage - 13/12/2010 20:29 - United States

Today, I went to meet the girl I'd been talking to online for a while, and fallen in love with. When I arrived at her house, my brother answered the door and took a picture of my shocked face. He and his girlfriend had planned the entire thing because I'm apparently the most gullible member of the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 584

You deserved it 10 428

By Anonymous - 16/11/2010 19:17 - Israel

Today, was my first day at school. I got kicked out of the class for imitating a monkey. I wasn't imitating a monkey... I was laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 564

You deserved it 5 188

By YoshiSqu4d - 22/05/2019 04:00

Today, my father told me I was becoming violent because of the video games I play. I was playing Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 655

You deserved it 192

By Anonymous - 09/05/2010 16:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized that going back on birth control has made my acne go away and my boobs bigger. However, to my boyfriend's dismay, I've completely lost my sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 050

You deserved it 5 212

By bestbirthdayever - 24/08/2010 07:18 - United States

Today, I was at my sixteenth birthday party. My guests consisted of my grandma who I live with, and my 2-year-old cousin she was babysitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 679

You deserved it 4 201

Being a parent 101

By Shavaughn Riley - 31/10/2020 23:03 - New Zealand - Kawerau

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I started to be intimate after a run of dry spells. I was looking forward to this, until one of our kids came barging into our room and ruined the moment for the rest of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 234

By Anonymous - 14/08/2009 01:36 - United States

Today, I went to the school I work at, to set up my new classroom. I'm 5'1" and I was carrying a backpack full of fun educational posters. I also have a new boss. When we met for the first time he was yelling at me because "there were no students allowed in here yet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 304

You deserved it 3 035

Great start to the day

By Anonymous - 04/04/2021 20:00

Today, I went into my parents' room after spending pretty much all weekend in my their bed while they were out of town. I happened to look out the window, and on the windowsill was a puddle of cat vomit with a condom in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 252

You deserved it 692

By dukemisery - 28/11/2016 12:23 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, my ex-girlfriend called saying she wants to get back together because of how mature and sincere I sounded last night. I despise her and I was drunk last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 961

You deserved it 2 968

By ZydecosGirl - 10/05/2013 03:11 - United States - Harrisburg

Today, I started the bleaching treatments that my dentist recommended. Now, my two front teeth have ultra white spots, the rest of my teeth are still yellow and the roof of my mouth is burned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 984

You deserved it 8 549

By asdf - 20/06/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, was my high school's senior awards ceremony. Over 400 people were crammed in the hot auditorium. I won five awards and each time I was called up the laughter grew louder. Apparently even the back row could see my pit stains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 547

You deserved it 5 341

By s0728 - 01/09/2014 21:37 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I work at a bakery. As I was putting out some cakes with fruit on top of them, a customer asked me how we get the little hairs to stay on the raspberries, and if we glue them on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 502

You deserved it 3 291

By jordan.marie97 - 09/08/2015 06:27 - Australia

Today, my parents told me they were getting divorced, at the beginning of a family road trip, adding that this'll be the last thing we ever do as a family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 712

You deserved it 1 664

Through the wall

By Jeynna - 08/05/2021 00:01

Today, I bumped into my next door neighbor. She said, "Not for nothing, but I heard you fighting with your boyfriend last night, you're pretty harsh on him." I don't have a boyfriend, I was just drunk and castigating myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 729

By Anonymous - 22/07/2013 18:30 - Denmark - Lemvig

Today, I've been bedridden for the past two weeks. My boyfriend casually remarked that he understands now why some people cheat on their seriously-ill partners. Thanks for adding to the stress, sweetie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 067

You deserved it 3 384

By hiitisbrooke - 23/11/2015 20:17 - United States - Dearborn

Spicy

Today, I texted my friend asking if he'd like to join my "porno group". I meant promo. I quickly texted back correcting the mistake, but not before I received the nudes he sent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 822

You deserved it 4 694

By Anonymous - 19/10/2010 10:33 - Australia

Today, I temporarily got off the bus for the other students to get off, because they push and shove along their way. Then the bus driver closed the door on me and drove off. My laptop was on that bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 444

You deserved it 17 178

Risky business

By Anonymous - 26/09/2021 19:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, I hooked up with a really great guy while I’m on a business trip. Would've been great, but found out he slept with someone else right after me, and stole my headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 779

His stepdaughter, we hope

By Hetie - 17/10/2021 11:00

Today, my ex-husband got married to my daughter. She’s 18, a high school dropout, and pregnant with his child. She strongly believes she’ll have a bright future with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 510

You deserved it 121

By helpme - 23/11/2015 17:00 - United States - Annapolis

Today, I started dreaming about being at work. I already work more hours a week than I requested, and I live right across from my work and can see it out my window. I can never leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 307

You deserved it 2 084

By Anonymous - 25/09/2014 19:32 - United States - College Station

Today, I have such severe ADD that I can't focus without my medication. When I take the medication, I can only focus on one thing, but not necessarily the thing I need to be focusing on. I have a chem test soon, and I've been vacuuming my room for the past 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 676

You deserved it 4 959

By drano - 02/08/2009 04:04 - United States

Today, I was working as a cashier at my job. A guy came up with a cart full of stuff and it took me 10 minutes to ring it all up. When I told him his total, he felt his pockets, said "Oh shit I forgot my wallet!" and walked away. He left about 15 bags worth of things for me to put back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 867

You deserved it 3 277

By sma93 - 17/12/2016 18:30 - United States - Baldwin

Today, after my work's Christmas party, everyone got so drunk that I had to help one of my only sober co-workers take everyone home and clean up vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 661

You deserved it 576

By slamo - 06/08/2009 10:10 - Australia

Today, I walked into my new maths class. I stepped inside only to be yelled at by the teacher for nearly 15 minutes. I was then told never to enter her class again and was sent to the principal. My identical twin brother was in her class the period before me. He also has a thing for older women. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 898

You deserved it 3 328

By CollegeChef - 21/01/2013 06:03 - Australia

Today, months into supporting my mum with her part time cleaning job by cooking dinner for my large family after university, I found out that she doesn't actually have a job, she just leaves the house for a few hours because she doesn't want to cook dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 269

You deserved it 2 774

Woman DESTROYS her sex life with FACTS and some sort of LOGIC

By Anonymous - 24/01/2021 22:59

Spicy

Today, I'm horny as hell, but I'm such a germaphobe that I don't want to be touched by anyone else, and now, after looking in the mirror and seeing how disgusting I look, I can't even touch myself, not with a vibrator, my hand or a 10-foot pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 568

You deserved it 809

Shame! Shaaaame!

By poormomma - 15/04/2020 08:00

Today, I found out my son kept quiet about having head lice for a week. He's 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 566

You deserved it 247

By rene - 22/08/2011 16:46 - United States

Today, it was my birthday, and my kids gave me my car keys I had "lost" a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 807

You deserved it 3 342

By Anonymous - 27/03/2013 00:10 - United States - Pittsfield

Today, a man attempted to sue my business for giving him food poisoning. I make soap. When I called the cops on him for disturbing the peace, I was told, "Maybe next time you'll put 'not edible' on your label." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 425

You deserved it 3 733

By xXx3mi_MuffinxXx - 01/07/2011 19:23 - United States

Today, I had to tell my best friend that I couldn't make it to the lake today or tomorrow because I'd been called in to work. She won't believe me and thinks I'm simply avoiding her. I got called in to bathe and clean dogs' anal glands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 693

You deserved it 3 198

By Anonymous - 09/12/2009 21:05 - United States

Today, I was going into an office building. There was a boy and a man ahead of me, and the boy held the door open for me. Surprised, I said "What a nice young man," and he said. "It's ok, ma'am; my dad says to always hold the doors open for old ladies." I'm 43. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 585

You deserved it 6 294

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Monday 1 September 2014 16:51

All of the comments were down voted...

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Wednesday 24 February 2010 6:09

That's when you say "What a coincidence, I thought of you when I read that too!"

Comments

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Sunday 1 March 2009 2:51

Ouch, but don't worry, I have the same problems with guys. "They're just not that into me".

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Monday 4 June 2012 4:29

I don't doubt it.

BigLatchZatch 14

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Wednesday 3 September 2014 21:15

How?

evilteriyaki301 0

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Monday 23 March 2009 5:24

Haha one of my friends recommended that book to my other friend. And my other friend got PISSED. XD good times.

24788 6

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Thursday 30 April 2009 7:38

I'd be pissed. That doesn't even work well for that situation.

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Friday 4 September 2009 10:24

aw, that's ok, if he's not that into u it's his fault not urs =] also v. tactless of ur friend...dw one day you'll find one who is "that into you" (spesh if this is u, yas :P lol jks) cheer up! :D

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Saturday 24 October 2009 3:33

teh book is actually really good. It opened my eyes about a lot of things.

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Monday 4 June 2012 4:30

It's "the" not "teh", retard.

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Wednesday 24 February 2010 6:09

That's when you say "What a coincidence, I thought of you when I read that too!"

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Friday 8 July 2011 3:04

she tried to rash

Pixelatedmess 0

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Tuesday 22 November 2011 4:56

awwwweeee

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Wednesday 9 May 2012 1:25

You do realize that it's from a movie right

22cute 17

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Sunday 27 May 2012 10:22

No, silly the movie is from the book. As usual lol!!!

HeyyyGuuyyysss 4

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Thursday 14 June 2012 3:38

Ouch... I'm sorry to hear that :(

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 5

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 12

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 1 268

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 811

You deserved it 180