Today, after having an amazing first date with my long time crush,... - FML

By manderz? - 3/8/2016 00:18 - United States - Beach Haven

Today, after having an amazing first date with my long time crush, we ended up going out to dinner. We shared a meal, and it was delicious! This would have been the ultimate dream come true... Except for the part about me throwing up in his car on the way back home. FML

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By ttsutaoka - 11/7/2009 07:43 - United States

Today, I was involved in a car accident. I wasn't the driver of either car. I happened to be a passerby that was hit by a falling stop sign as a car hit it. FML

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By Rman - 2/11/2009 22:35 - United States

Today, I got a letter confirming I had dropped out of college. I received this letter shortly after completing the 10th essay I had finished this week as a result of me deciding to finally apply myself to my schoolwork. Turns out that while dropping a class, I checked Drop All instead of Drop 1. FML

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By RedHotRoses - 20/12/2017 15:00

Today, I walked into my office and found my ex-roommate going through my desk. Apparently, despite not wanting to be friends or even speak anymore, he has no qualms about "borrowing" my Master's thesis so he can compare and write his. FML

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By FMJoblessL - 4/2/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I am jobless after graduation. Ironic, since when I started college with my education degree, I was congratulated, told of the teacher shortage in my state, and how quickly I would be able to find a job. Three years in, the economy tanks, and the state issues a teacher hiring freeze. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2014 18:11 - Latvia - Riga

Today, my boss asked me if I could work this weekend, doing the work of 2 people, for almost no extra pay. I had a weekend out with my kids planned, so I said I couldn't. My boss called it a shitty excuse, yet gave a free pass to a guy who claimed he had a "phobia of working on weekends". FML

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By beleria - 23/4/2012 22:41 - United States

Today, I went grocery shopping. As I was leaning in to pick up some produce, someone viciously slapped me on the butt. I whirled around and nobody was anywhere in sight. Now I'm starting to worry that I'm losing my mind. FML

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By meens42 - 30/9/2013 08:04 - United States

Today, my dad asked me to stop calling him "dad" because it’s too weird for his girlfriend’s kids to hear, because they call him dad. FML

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By whoops - 3/10/2020 05:06

Trans women are women

Today, my son brought his new girlfriend home. I took him aside and hugged him, reassuring him that I loved and accepted him no matter his sexual preference. He looked at me confused and asked what I meant. His girl was obviously trans, but he had no idea. I didn’t know he didn’t know. FML

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By Username - 4/12/2010 21:04 - United States

Today, I gave my friend a ride to town so she wouldn't have to pay the $10 to park. While waiting to pick her up, I grabbed a bite to eat. Upon returning to my car, I found a $55 parking ticket on my windshield. FML

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By ForeverAlone - 3/2/2018 15:00

Today, I asked my crush if she wanted to see a movie with me. She said no because she already saw it. The movie is coming out next week. FML

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By ihatepokemon - 22/7/2013 22:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend got angry because I laughed when he asked me if he should retire from being a Pokemon Trainer. He was serious. He's also 21. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/10/2011 02:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I was confronted by my father after I got back home from a party in the early hours. He demanded to know if I'd been doing any drugs, and then decided to give me a scare lecture on the dangers of alcohol. I'd had a few beers. He had the smell of tequila on his breath. FML

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By Carolina R-h - 20/6/2019 04:45

Today, after driving 900 miles, the tongue on my trailer broke ten miles away from home. I was stuck on the side of the road for 3 hours. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/8/2013 16:12 - United States - Modesto

Today, my boyfriend's freshly-repainted car got keyed. He's literally more of an inconsolable wreck now than he was when his own mother passed away last year. When I tried hinting that he was overreacting, he told me to go to hell. FML

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By mommyfairy - 12/3/2011 08:34 - United States

Today, I realized that my boss is able to read all the emails my coworker and I send each other. Most of them are about how she is such a shitty boss. FML

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By TacoMan32 - 6/12/2016 04:26 - Canada

Today, after months of unemployment, I finally started at a new job. The building burnt down on my very first shift. FML

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By rejected4ever - 14/2/2012 18:29 - United States

Today, for Valentine's Day, my boyfriend gave me the half-eaten chocolate bar that I left in his fridge two weeks ago. FML

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By heartbreakkid21 - 14/5/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, I was on a date with this girl I actually like. The date was going really well and it seemed like it would be a good night. Well while in the movie theater I went to hold her hand and instead she gave me a hand shake and said "You're so funny I'm so glad we're friends". FML

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By tarynfaye - 21/12/2011 11:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I gave each other early Christmas gifts. I gave him a basketball signed by his favorite player, which took me forever to find. He got me diet pills. FML

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By - 2/10/2018 03:00

Today, at 3am, my boyfriend's phone notifications kept going off. I attempted to wake him up, but he didn't budge. When I went to silence it, I saw his Ashley Madison notification, followed by Tinder, Zoosk, and Plenty of Fish. We've been monogamous over a year... or so I thought. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2015 13:29 - United States - Fairmont

Today, I found out that while my sister can somehow manage to keep an eye on and control her three preschool-aged children at the park, making sure nobody steals my dog from right beside her is just too big of a job. FML

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By unwanted - 24/12/2011 02:24 - United States

Today, I realized my wife often switches the TV channel from the crime dramas we both like, to Hollywood gossip shows that I can't stand, just to get me to leave the room. From the other room, I can see that she switches back once I've left. She's probably been doing this for years. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 20:00

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

Today, my mom told me my aunt was coming over. I told her I might have to work, and would be sad to miss her. My mom said, "Or, you know, if you're not there, it might be nice." FML

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By Anonymous - 2/11/2013 01:20 - United Kingdom - Ringwood

Today, I told the man my girlfriend has been cheating on me with all about her infidelity. He didn't get angry; he just said that he knew, that they were in an open relationship, and that I was pretty stupid to have not figured it out sooner. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/12/2011 00:45 - United States

Today, I was riding in my friend's car. We passed by a group of cute guys standing by the curb with their skateboards so we slowed down to whistle at them. We then noticed the ambulance taking their friend away on a stretcher. FML

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By linren - 28/3/2009 18:40 - United States

TMI, dude

Today, I was riding in the car with my new boyfriend. He had 'something serious' to tell me. He started to emotionally confess his addiction to masturbation. In detail. The drive was 2 hours long. FML

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By popemichael - 19/6/2009 22:48 - United States

Today, I was showing my unique new tattoo to my friends when a man approaches me with his digital camera and asks if he could take a picture of the tattoo for his website. I agreed. I find out later that it's a site about ugly tattoos. FML

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By CrappyLuck - 4/8/2011 02:43 - United States

Today, I took my 8 month-old to the Urgent Care due to extreme constipation. I spent $25 for my son to poop on me the second the doctor had me remove his diaper. FML

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By muffinmen1022 - 20/2/2009 05:27 - United States

Today, I went to Macy's to go shopping, I was wearing a shirt and tie and dressed nicely. Customers came up to me with questions, but I just ignored them. Minutes later, thinking I was an employee, the manager came and yelled at me, and threatened to fire me. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/5/2009 14:55 - United States

Today, I snuck out of my house in the middle of the night. I ran into my dad carrying wine into another house. I didn't assume he was cheating until he saw me and said "I won't tell if you don't tell, please don't tell your mother". FML

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By Anonymous - 25/1/2011 00:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend had to give me an enema. FML

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By shit.... - 8/11/2012 18:25 - Malaysia - Kuala Selangor

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML

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By KittyKat168 - 9/9/2016 09:34 - Germany

Today, I managed to spill Superglue on the one place you absolutely shouldn't spill Superglue. FML

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By traumatized4life - 4/11/2010 19:32 - United States

Today, I woke up to two text messages from my mother. The first said, "You could've had this for breakfast. How do you like your eggs?" The next text was a picture message of her naked. I think it was meant to be sent to her boyfriend. FML

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By Elizabeth - 9/1/2009 11:40 - United States

Today, I went on a walk. I like to crush acorns as I go. One nut was actually a piece of dog poop. FML

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By hoo flung pu - 3/10/2013 08:26 - United States

Today, my dog figured out she can wipe her butthole on my walls after having squeezed out a turd or two. FML

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By frankkathy - 26/7/2011 17:07 - United States

Today, I saved a honey bee from drowning in our pool. It promptly stung me and died. FML

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By drunkfacebookuser - 23/10/2010 13:15 - Australia

Today, I got very drunk after being fired from my job. In my depressed, intoxicated state, I posted my facebook status as 'Goodbye world'. The only response was from my dad saying 'cya'. His comment got 29 likes. FML

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By ouch - 25/2/2009 23:29 - United States

Today, I had to rush to school to avoid being late. Unfortunately, I forgot to put a bra on beforehand, and as soon as I got to gym class, the first thing my teacher said was: "Okay folks, let's get outside, we're running the mile." FML

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By BaconLover - 28/10/2013 04:58 - Japan

Today, my girlfriend asked me if I could love anything more than her, and if so, what. I guess "bacon" was the wrong answer. FML

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Top comments

By Mightyrif | 23

#6664126 - Wednesday 3 August 2016 10:28

If he is as amazing as the date was he should forgive and forget. Heck it would be a funny story to tell your potential spawn.

By Sandsh8rk | 36

#6664133 - Wednesday 3 August 2016 10:35

As annoying as vomit is to clean up, your date shouldn't hold it against you - I'm hoping he was sympathetic and helped to look after you. :)

COMMENTS

By Mightyrif | 23

#6664126 - Wednesday 3 August 2016 10:28

If he is as amazing as the date was he should forgive and forget. Heck it would be a funny story to tell your potential spawn.

Reply

Jatok | 17

#6664309 - Wednesday 3 August 2016 16:45

I'd just like to clarify that the main reason i upvoted this is because you called children spawn. Made my day

By Sandsh8rk | 36

#6664133 - Wednesday 3 August 2016 10:35

As annoying as vomit is to clean up, your date shouldn't hold it against you - I'm hoping he was sympathetic and helped to look after you. :)

By emeraldarcher74 | 30

#6664134 - Wednesday 3 August 2016 10:36

On the bright side, you had a great first date, with no hate. You ate a good meal at night, late. I would rate that eight out of eight. Good job, mate.

Reply

JohnTheDonJuan | 11

#6664290 - Wednesday 3 August 2016 16:11

I'd give it a 5/7. perfect score!

By mfmylifesrsly | 29

#6664142 - Wednesday 3 August 2016 10:44

I understand it's embarrassing but if he really cares for you it won't really bother him. When my sister and her husband went on their second date he got food poisoning and threw up on her. They've been together almost 10 years now and married for 3.

By charliewhippet | 9

#6664146 - Wednesday 3 August 2016 11:00

But it will make such a cute story when you get married! :-D

By species4872 | 19

#6664162 - Wednesday 3 August 2016 11:28

Arm wrestle to see who would clean it up.

By montsecc | 8

#6664169 - Wednesday 3 August 2016 11:33

He won't call you again XD

Reply

Lalala579121 | 27

#6664253 - Wednesday 3 August 2016 15:04

If he doesn't call again then at least OP knows he's an asshole and isn't worth her time.

By blairiofosterio1 | 10

#6664181 - Wednesday 3 August 2016 11:58

Did you eat a whole jar of mayo perchance?

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cjcj11 | 6

#6664265 - Wednesday 3 August 2016 15:32

???

Reply

J352SAURUS | 30

#6664624 - Thursday 4 August 2016 1:02

Previous FML...

By SargeRho | 6

#6664188 - Wednesday 3 August 2016 12:58

If he doesn't call you, definitely call him. He might feel awkward about it, but if the date went this well, he'll surely forgive and forget. At least, I would.

By Nova297 | 23

#6664213 - Wednesday 3 August 2016 13:42

My boyfriend of two years now threw up on our first date after eating at Olive Garden, maybe it's a good omen :D