Poor performance dude

By crybaby - 01/02/2012 08:19 - United States

Today, it was my first time having sex with this guy. After a few second he stops, sits in the corner of his room buff-naked, with his knees up and his hands on his face. He then pouts and claims it was his worst performance ever. FML
I agree, your life sucks 34 979
You deserved it 4 210

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Top comments

iAmScrubs 19

Let's see what the judges have to say. I know Paula liked it. She's drunk so she likes everything.

thrAsHeRr9081 16

You should give him another chance. Who knows? Maybe he'll crawl into the fetal position next time.


iAmScrubs 19

Let's see what the judges have to say. I know Paula liked it. She's drunk so she likes everything.

Seems like you raped the poor boy!

I heard custom exhaust improves performance.

I hate FMLs that randomly switch to present tense...

Predental 5

Doesn't matter. Had sex.

"But he cryed the whole time.."

enonymous 8

Don't worry op. This guy is the Tim Tebow of sex. Just wait till the 4th quarter.

Isn't it butt naked? I don't think I've ever heard buff naked before.

His worst performance? Wasn't he only seconds into it, though?

Well, what are you waiting for? Go for a 2nd time!!

thrAsHeRr9081 16

You should give him another chance. Who knows? Maybe he'll crawl into the fetal position next time.

danni218 1

probably his first time

45- it said "worst performance ever".

CaptainPickles72 18

#48- His other performances could've been with his pillow. As most people know, pillows can't give feedback so he probably thought he was amazing!

My pillow talks to me. It says rape me, my friend....

-143 That's just the 'opened soda' I gave you talking. Surprised you remember any of that night.

thrAsHeRr9081 16

160- "We don't remember anything from last night, remember?"

rosha267 21

Wow! It's almost too sad to be funny

sematariux 7

Nah, it's still hilarious

Georges St-Pierre would not be impressed with his performance. |the kid|

What is he like 14? I hope to god he's not older than 17. that would be pretty pathetic

I hope to god he is over 17!! People younger then that shouldn't be having sex!

yeah being an irresponsible teenager and having sex is bad. I was just trying to imply that I would hope a grown man would not act this immature after something like that.

Just because you're young (14 - 17) and having sex doesn't make it irresponsible. If you do it with someone you care about, use proper protection and stuff then it's fine. It's only irresponsible if you do it without protection with any one willing, and anyone at any age can do that.

actually its very irresponsible. most teenagers don't care very much about their partners and basically want nothing more but to bang. most results for the girls are lack of respect for their bodies and if the person meets their standards they're most likely going to have sex with him . I know teenage girls who've had sex since they were 14 and have had sex with more than 30 people. that's extremely high for someone so young. I'm not saying all are irresponsible..but most are.

ZTD09 - it's incredibly irresponsible for young children (yes, 14-17 year olds are young children) to have sex, and even more irresponsible for you to claim otherwise. The vast majority of children that age have no ability to fully comprehend the possible consequences of such serious actions, and that is what makes that behaviour irresponsible.

cradle6 13

While I don't disagree, it's not like as soon as you turn 18, your entire mental state matures. There's no set age that a person becomes responsible. It's like giving your car keys to someone who has never driven before (at any age).

CaptainPickles72 18

I can't really judge people who have had sex while under 18. I lost my virginity when I was 16, but at least I did it for the right reasons. Like most people my age, they do it to get that social status or just to brag about it, or just careless fun. You can judge me if you want and thumb me down, but I can say I love the girl (I had sex with). I didn't do it for the social status, and I knew the consequences if things went wrong, I did it because we both REALLY wanted to and loved each other. You can say "oh, you were both teens, you don't know what love is, and blah blah blah", but I can honestly say we loved each other and still love each other 2 years later (even though we aren't together) Do you guys still think I was irresponsible?

90- If you took healthy precautions and knew the possible consequences of your actions, I would not quickly judge you as being irresponsible, despite your age at the time. Too many "adults" can't seem to make the same responsible decisions in regards to sex, and they don't even have the "I'm a minor, didn't know better" excuse. So, since you asked, I don't think your were being irresponsible per say. It's just too bad not all minors could be that clear headed when making potentially life altering decisions. :) Just sharing my thoughts here. Anyone want to add to it? :)

CaptainPickles72 18

Thanks #97 for helping me prove my point. When it comes to teens having sex it's a lot of it is black and white/wrong and right. But like almost everything else there are a few gray areas! I like to think my experience fits into the gray area. The reason I brought this up is because there have been and are going to be many arguments about this on FML. So far, from what I've seen, it's a black and white argument where people either think it's right or wrong. I'm trying to add in the gray area.

Not necessarily true. The brain is truly not responsible at this age to process what "sex" is "really" about. The body appears to be ready but the psychological elements have not matured.

Pickle - notice I said "vast majority" of teens. I admit there are some teens who are mature for their age, and there are lots of adults who are idiots.

jw0168 6

He is defiantly 20, and I'm 19.

It's only irresponsible if the people having sec aren't able to take care of a baby...

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

lol. yeah you did XD

I love you for this. thank you

DocBastard, your comments always make my day :)

Hey hold it right there, don't cut so deep into these emo jokes. I'm a mime and they're like a cousin breed to me! Once you start slashing these emo kids you'll just start to separate us even more until theres no color, just black and white! I have half a wrist's room to wag my finger menacingly.

53 you're a mime you shouldn't be talking.

brunomars09 3

hey! I'm emo! c:< lolol but it was funny, so i'll just laugh..haha.. cx

TheDrifter 23

There's no need to slash the emo kids mime, they do enough of that themselves.

Is this the correct queue for licking Doc's boots?

Doc, where are you from? if you don't mind me asking..

Wait up, he isn't physically speaking...

KiddNYC1O 20

Of course you're emo, with brunomars as your username...

Emo kids dress after the Emo genre. They aren't necessarily people that cut their wrists. Some probably do but I'm pretty sure those are just cutters. Why hate on people expressing themselves. No wonder people commit suicide, because people judge and assume

Haha I have to say that was funny, but most emos can be really kind and sweet when you get to know them. :) And emo is just a stereotype, only posers will call themselves emo.

Better watch out Doc, you make him to mad and you'll end up in an imagery box.

Everyone says being emo is a way of expressing yourself. Well, I think emo people can take that expression and shove it up their depressed asses. It's not rude because I'm a squid.

If he wasn't older than 14, then it's pretty sad that he judges his performances.

TheDrifter 23

If you don't judge your performance, how can you improve? It's the "few seconds" part that's sad.

It be sad if he was 14

This confuses me on so many levels. Bad performance or not, had sex. He seems to be a little too emotional. I'd also suggest he get some clothes on before a spider or other creature bites him where he doesn't want it over in that little ole dark corner of his.

At least he didn't comment about OP's performance!

It confuses me because "buff-naked" isn't a thing. Maybe he didn't want to have sex with OP anymore because she seems like the type of person who would say things like "all intensive purposes" or "I could care less".

you just have a great vajay haha

I'll say it before the avalanche comes -- AFTER A FEW SECONDS ! If that is all he lasted, then it was a pretty poor performance! What was he expecting, fireworks and a flood? He sounds way to "delicate" to be doing anything other than sitting alone in his room jerking off. But even then he probably cries, using his own tears as lubricant, as he emasculates himself for being a lousey "self-lover"... He needs serious help!

The few seconds part... I was thinking no one had noticed!!!

Hahaha i couldnt agree more. A low life like that shouldnt be having sex. If you judge yourself like that and sit in a corner afterwards lol. Yo didnt pick this guy up at a mental institute did you?? Because thats where he belongs!!!

IsMyWenieHard 0

I honestly feel bad for the guy... We don't know what has happened to him to cause this dramatic case of self disappointment.... But I think OP should move on unless she really likes the guy

41 I have a question for you. Is it hard being ignorant? When people call you a dumbass, how do you feel? So by your logic, not lasting long in bed makes you a lowlife?

this made my day!

I dont care what people think of me. Im happy with who i am. Not lasting long in bed doesnt make you a low life. Crying in a corner afterwards though?? Thats a bit much.