Today, it was my first time having sex with this guy. After a few second he stops, sits in the corner of his room buff-naked, with his knees up and his hands on his face. He then pouts and claims it was his worst performance ever. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when he finished, seemingly angry. He stood there naked complaining for 15 minutes about how our sex sucked. Then he demanded that I dress him, because "it's my fault his clothes were off in the first place". FML
Today, after waiting to losing our virginity together, we finally did it, only for my boyfriend to claim he doesn't understand how people enjoy sex, since he found the waiting stressful, the sex awkward and undignified, the orgasm unimpressive and so sticky, he was desperate for a shower afterwards. FML
Today, was the first time I had sex with a guy I really like. I took off my shirt and my bra and he said "wow, that's disappointing." FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML
Today, I decided to have sex with with my boyfriend. After we had finished, I jokingly said, "Who's going to sleep in the wet patch?" He got up and said, "You're optimistic, I'm not staying. Oh, and I'm dumping you, that performance was disappointing." It was my first time. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Two minutes in, he goes, "Wow, this is strenuous" and stopped. I waited three years for this. FML
Today, I had sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pocket. Turns out he'd written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend for the first time, he told me he wanted to break up. He told me my orgasm face wasn't something he could put up with. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. Not only did he last just 2 minutes, he also sat there for a while afterwards, smacking his semi-erect penis in awe and saying, "Look, it's still hard! How crazy is that?!" FML
Today, I lost my virginity. In the middle of it, he just gave up and said he wasn't in the mood anymore. Then I had to listen about his past failed relationships for over an hour. FML
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Top comments
iAmScrubs 19
Let's see what the judges have to say. I know Paula liked it. She's drunk so she likes everything.
thrAsHeRr9081 16
You should give him another chance. Who knows? Maybe he'll crawl into the fetal position next time.
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Comments (175)
stevenmer 2
Simon: I believe that his performance was bloody awful. Never have I seen such a bloody awful job. It was just bloody awful.
FLgators93 3
lmao this is offically my favorite FML. i couldnt stop laughing
Greendaycheese 12
Buff-naked? DAFUCK?
TheNewGuy03 29
Not a common-usage phrase, but nonetheless valid. Hence, "in the buff" being synonymous with "in the nude." |the kid|
DJDude_Arazely 10
jeje i like the way your comment is all "sophisticated" and "proper." :D
KatieKayy15 0
sorry, but that's kinda funny af . lol
buttercupbbe3 2
Oh my. You poor thing.
Zaros_fml 24
No. Just no.
Monkeybuttcream 4
It could have been worse. He could have yelled "fire in the hole" then packed his shit up and left.
no_neck_joe 0
could have been worse. he could have paraded around the room, setting of fireworks, screaming "I'm number one! I'm number one!!!
wriptidez 0
perfect stranger YDI
Cambria91 4
my boyfriend came before my brain even registered we were having sex for the first time. Maybe its just been awhile for him. Tell him to grow the hell up and quit crying about it.. Lol it happens. He just needs to learn control.