Love: Today, my 70-year-old grandmother held a celebration over officially... - FML

By chickety boom - 02/08/2013 12:41 - United States - Austin

Today, my 70-year-old grandmother held a celebration over officially having divorced my grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 908

You deserved it 4 282

Best teeth in the game

Another great day to be alive

Teenagers

By pierced. - 25/06/2014 04:29 - United States - Reno

Today, I went to a seamstress to be fitted for my wedding dress and left with a pierced nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 789

You deserved it 6 107

By FractalSanity - 01/02/2009 08:11 - Canada

Today, my best friend was crying because her boyfriend is a retard. I brought my thumb up to wipe a tear off her face, and somehow stuck it up her nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 578

You deserved it 11 415

By sashimi9999 - 07/02/2014 01:32 - United States - Salinas

Today, while cleaning a carpet in my house, something in it sliced my foot. I couldn't find what it was, so I went to clean the wound. 10 minutes later, I sliced my foot again on the same thing. I still can't figure out what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 191

You deserved it 5 866

Bunch of bankers

By WTF - 30/10/2009 10:11 - United States

Today, my bank overdrafted my account to pay a bill that isn't due until next month. When I called them, they said they would fix the mistake, but I have to restore the account to zero before they'll give me my money back. So, I have to pay for my own money with the money they won't give me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 358

You deserved it 2 237

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 22:46 - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, while at work I got a complaint from a guest. She complained that after spending 2 hours to get her hair done for a wedding, she got drenched with water from a child. I work at a WATER PARK. Thank you for calling me a pathetic asshat for no reason in front of other guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 122

You deserved it 1 239

By brob56 - 23/04/2009 03:11 - United States

Today, I was talking to my hot neighbor. We were in the driveway of her house, and I looked at her car and noticed a hideous dummy. It was fat and just ugly, but I didn't think much of it. I tried to make a joke and asked, "Where did you get that awful thing?" She said, "That's my daughter". FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 818

You deserved it 82 576

By smellyhand - 16/12/2009 21:11 - United States

Today, it looked like rain so I held out my hand to catch a raindrop. When I finally caught one, I closed my hand over it and ran to show my friends to prove it was raining. I opened my hand saying, "Look! It's raining!" When I looked down, I saw that I had actually caught a bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 763

You deserved it 33 983

By Anonymous - 15/05/2017 02:00

Today, after I caught my husband cheating and lying, he had the nerve to claim it wasn't a big deal because, "I always come home to you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 423

You deserved it 381

Works with podcasts as well

By Anonymous - 24/04/2021 16:00 - Australia - Croydon

Today, I realised I get really attached to characters in long-running TV shows, because I have no friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 129

Hello everyone!

By Anonymous - 18/04/2020 08:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were sexting, and he asked me if I would be naked and waiting for him when he got home. When he told me he was on his way, I took my clothes off and got into bed. What he didn’t tell me was he was bringing friends to pick up a desk from our place for their office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 467

You deserved it 293

Great talking to you

By unlovedd - 22/03/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, I suggested that my mother download Skype so we could video chat while I'm studying in London over the summer. After I had explained how it worked and that it was free, she said "Well...you'll only be gone for a few months. It's not really worth it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 698

You deserved it 4 688

By Username - 28/02/2012 00:37 - United States

Today, my friend and I were playing football in the street, when out of nowhere a homeless man sucker punches me in the gut, grabs my football, and runs away laughing like a maniac. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 515

You deserved it 3 032

By whatjusthappened - 20/12/2013 08:45 - United States - Federal Way

Today, a man started a deep conversation with me at the bus stop about life, death, and the miracles of things we take for granted every day. I was really enjoying it until he looked at his watch and said, "Oh shit, mushrooms make me lose track of time!" and ran off into the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 095

You deserved it 4 904

By fothermuckerrr - 14/05/2010 04:07 - United States

Today, my best friend told me that she is only my friend because she is prettier than me and being my friend boost her confidence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 989

You deserved it 3 305

By and he wonders why I'm anxious - 25/02/2016 22:41 - Netherlands

Today, after years of torment by my anxiety disorders and therapy and medication not helping, I've made the decision to try hypnosis. After doing a Google search and finding out my therapist is a man, my overly jealous fiancé insisted on joining, "because he might hypnotise you into cheating." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 126

You deserved it 2 363

By feartheend511 - 19/08/2010 15:48 - United States

Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 086

You deserved it 3 642

By Anonymous - 24/09/2012 02:26 - United States

Today, I found out that my parents changed the code on our alarm system while they were out of town. The police could not verify I was their son, despite spending hours trying to get hold of them. They thought it was just another telemarketer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 515

You deserved it 1 555

Metal music

By Oopsydaisy31 - 03/01/2020 03:00

Today, my date and I were getting to know each other, and we talked about our favorite music. He's into metal. Trying to impress him, I mention I like metal too. He said his favorite band is “The Gonzorks” and I mentioned that's my favorite too. He looked at me dead and cold and said “Um, actually that band doesn't exist.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 519

You deserved it 4 507

By Tay - 17/02/2012 01:29 - Australia

Today, while working as a receptionist at a health clinic a woman came to settle her account. Before she left, she held out her closed palm and asked if I could put something in the bin for her. I held out my hand and watched many bits of chewed fingernails land in my palm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 495

You deserved it 2 712

By Wrongword - 17/04/2012 10:52 - China - Shanghai

Today, I congratulated a bride standing in front of a church in a white dress. Turns out she'd been stood up at the altar. She thrashed me with her bouquet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 547

You deserved it 4 084

By effinit - 30/10/2009 04:31 - United States

Today, while I was on a second date with this guy, my roommate tried calling me and I ignored her. After dinner my date brought me back to my apartment and there was a waterfall gushing down from the balcony above our apartment. The guys above us had started a fire and our apartment was flooded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 033

You deserved it 6 597

Alexa, play "Mr Loverman" by Shabba Ranks

By Anonymous - 15/03/2020 18:07

Today, I was at a store when I saw a cute girl from my school. Trying to act cool, I went to hold the door for her. Too bad it was an automatic door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 1 036

Office life sucks

By Anonymous - 02/11/2019 02:00

Today, I was supposed to start a new job. I had accepted a new position with a different company three weeks ago, and gave my notice. At the time, I even trained my replacement. Today, I found out that my new work doesn't need me anymore. So, I'm unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 320

You deserved it 198

By LostSoul - 10/07/2019 02:06

Today, I found out my daughter was planning a wedding and invited everyone but me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 675

You deserved it 444

Family values

By family sucks! - 06/10/2021 23:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I ran into my aunt I hadn’t seen since I was a child. My mom told me she took off and stopped speaking to everyone. After lunch, I asked her why she left. She said our whole family ostracized her for aborting her abusive husband’s baby and divorcing him instead of "making it work." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 775

You deserved it 73

By UnhappyLips - 16/12/2016 09:43

Today, the lip balms I ordered online finally arrived in the mail. After trying one out, my lips had an allergic reaction. It's a 4-pack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 796

You deserved it 1 014

False hope

By :(( - 14/06/2011 18:06 - United States

Today, I invited over my best friend, whom I've loved for over a year, since she had to tell me "something important". I got excited and thought she was going to tell me she loved me too. She ended up coming out to me, and wanted to know if I would meet her girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 917

You deserved it 6 109

By Nico - 16/02/2013 01:37 - France - Asni?res

Today, the company I was fired from three years ago merged with the company I work at now. The new owners' first order of business was to fire me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 138

You deserved it 3 175

By Waffle - 09/03/2011 15:47

Today, a little boy called me on the phone, crying "grandma died" in a broken voice. I just didn't have the heart to say "wrong number." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 283

You deserved it 4 677

By kirstiexoxo - 07/02/2012 08:11 - United States

Today, I had a package stolen from my porch. It was a shipment of customized M and M's for a Valentine's gift. I spent $60 for someone else to eat "I love you" messages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 483

You deserved it 4 018

By random0605 - 29/09/2011 05:01 - United States

Today, the clerk at Walmart asked me if the stretch mark cream I was buying was for my wife. I wish I could've said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 828

You deserved it 4 206

By Anonymous - 17/02/2016 02:45 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I was threatened to be held back because of the lack of teacher-parent communication. My parents refuse to sign my report card because of my one mark below ninety percent. My teacher was dead serious about failing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 763

You deserved it 1 453

By Noname - 09/11/2008 09:18 - France

Today, whilst brushing my teeth, I fell asleep poking myself in the eye with my toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 634

You deserved it 13 819

By Anonymous - 14/02/2015 01:27 - United States

Today, my grandma rushed into my work and told my manager I had to leave due to a family emergency. Panicked, I ran to get my stuff and ran to the car. When I asked what had happened, she replied, "I needed someone to go see 50 Shades of Grey with me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 119

You deserved it 3 976

By BALEIGHLOVE17 - 20/05/2011 05:46

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me. Ten minutes after, he called me asking how to change his relationship status on facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 730

You deserved it 3 724

By comphone - 19/11/2008 08:00 - France

Today, I went to work 300 miles away from where I live. I couldn't find my customer's address, so I decided to call him. I'd picked up my wireless house phone instead of my mobile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 312

You deserved it 9 587

By Anonyme - 26/09/2014 06:56 - France - Saint-di

Today, my husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl, the love of his life, whom he's always considered pure, turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better not come hanging round the house. Pussy, two years old, is now housebound until her kittens are born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 825

You deserved it 6 120

The World won't Listen

By Anonymous - 08/12/2020 10:01 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I went round to see a friend who recently had a heart attack and was finding it difficult to shop for herself. She complained about the food being "too healthy" and wanted bags of chips and frozen rubbish instead. Her being overweight directly caused her heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 80

By Anonymous - 01/07/2013 17:49 - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, I saw my former high school teacher at the mall. After a nice conversation, she mentioned that I "still dress like a slut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 770

You deserved it 21 319

By Anonymous - 07/12/2010 16:09 - Guatemala

Today, I got mugged. After taking my cell phone, the guy politely said: "Thanks. Have a nice evening. Be careful on your way home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 042

You deserved it 3 166

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Friday 2 August 2013 16:26

Never too late to be happy I guess

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Friday 2 August 2013 16:32

Just because you're old doesn't mean you lose the concept of what/who makes you happy

Comments

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Friday 2 August 2013 16:25

Well that sucks

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Friday 2 August 2013 16:53

Ooh that was frosty #14, just like the finish, right #1?

soccerstar1996 18

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Friday 2 August 2013 17:17

That first comment was so well thought out and deep. You must be so brooding and emotionally zen

euphoricness 28

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Friday 2 August 2013 17:24

39, I think I've seen that comment so much that I can say the same thing about yours, though I still agree with you. :)

CaiDog 20

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Friday 2 August 2013 17:32

#31 ...What?

TheCanucklehead 22

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Friday 2 August 2013 18:08

Hallelujah...*slow claps build to standing ovation*. #1, that was amazing insight into the complex thing known as the human mind. Thank you for your wonderful knowledge. Please *cough* never *cough* share that kind of comment again

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Friday 2 August 2013 21:09

^^ and that's how to properly kill a joke.

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Friday 2 August 2013 21:10

Um...

K410 18

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Saturday 3 August 2013 7:23

Really? Cus all it did was give me cancer...

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Sunday 4 August 2013 20:11

Um...

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Friday 2 August 2013 16:26

Lol first

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Friday 2 August 2013 16:28

Comment I actually posted this on got deleted

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Friday 2 August 2013 16:26

Never too late to be happy I guess

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Friday 2 August 2013 17:17

timing is just the key of life.

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Friday 2 August 2013 21:06

Some people just really want to get away from people

TorturedXeno 27

Friday 2 August 2013 16:27

Is she planning to go for a boy toy? Or was it a marriage which needed to end? Or something else? Not enough info here!

PterodactylMan 23

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Friday 2 August 2013 17:20

Something about boy toy and grandma don't mix

ohcheriecherie 20

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Friday 2 August 2013 18:10

If that's what you think, you're incorrect. I've met grandmas on crack

DKjazz 20

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Friday 2 August 2013 22:20

Let her know I'm available, OP. ;)

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Friday 2 August 2013 16:29

Did everyone go to the party?

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Friday 2 August 2013 17:44

Im assuming grandpa didnt go.

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Friday 2 August 2013 18:16

And I wasn't invited :(

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Friday 2 August 2013 20:42

I was there and I gotta say, grandma's pretty good at the keg stand

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Friday 2 August 2013 16:29

My great grandparents got divorced at 85 and 80. Messed up the family pretty bad. Hope everything hoes as well as it can op

sarahjanesmith 12

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Friday 2 August 2013 18:31

Ha ha you said "hope everything HOES well with it"

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Friday 2 August 2013 22:35

That was so obviously a typo, and hoes in that context wouldn't be comical anyway.

UnluckyGenius 21

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Friday 2 August 2013 16:31

Better late than never, where's the cake?

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Friday 2 August 2013 16:32

Just because you're old doesn't mean you lose the concept of what/who makes you happy

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Friday 2 August 2013 16:33

Maybe it was the right decision for her! It shouldnt change your relationship with either your grandmother or grandfather!

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Friday 2 August 2013 16:33

Your grandmother will now become a saber tooth tiger. That's the older version of a cougar. Get that booty grandma!

UnluckyGenius 21

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Friday 2 August 2013 16:34

Or a turkey vulture. Too old to hunt, but still out there every day looking.

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Friday 2 August 2013 16:38

Don't change Tony's golden words.

UnluckyGenius 21

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Friday 2 August 2013 16:41

I am sorry, I was trying to remember what he said exactly, obviously I failed.

IHATEFMYLIFE 26

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Friday 2 August 2013 19:01

12 I literally laughed so hard when I read your comment. Best comment ever!

EpicSquishii 21

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Friday 2 August 2013 22:22

You literally laughed hard... as opposed to metaphorically or hypothetically? How notable. I literally farted ten seconds ago.

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Saturday 3 August 2013 0:18

Why do you ever comment...

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Monday 5 August 2013 9:24

Thank you #59! #70, me?

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 8

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 909

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797

You deserved it 1 105