Today, it was my first time having sex with this guy. After a few second he stops, sits in the corner of his room buff-naked, with his knees up and his hands on his face. He then pouts and claims it was his worst performance ever. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when he finished, seemingly angry. He stood there naked complaining for 15 minutes about how our sex sucked. Then he demanded that I dress him, because "it's my fault his clothes were off in the first place". FML
Today, after waiting to losing our virginity together, we finally did it, only for my boyfriend to claim he doesn't understand how people enjoy sex, since he found the waiting stressful, the sex awkward and undignified, the orgasm unimpressive and so sticky, he was desperate for a shower afterwards. FML
Today, was the first time I had sex with a guy I really like. I took off my shirt and my bra and he said "wow, that's disappointing." FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML
Today, I decided to have sex with with my boyfriend. After we had finished, I jokingly said, "Who's going to sleep in the wet patch?" He got up and said, "You're optimistic, I'm not staying. Oh, and I'm dumping you, that performance was disappointing." It was my first time. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Two minutes in, he goes, "Wow, this is strenuous" and stopped. I waited three years for this. FML
Today, I had sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pocket. Turns out he'd written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend for the first time, he told me he wanted to break up. He told me my orgasm face wasn't something he could put up with. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. Not only did he last just 2 minutes, he also sat there for a while afterwards, smacking his semi-erect penis in awe and saying, "Look, it's still hard! How crazy is that?!" FML
Today, I lost my virginity. In the middle of it, he just gave up and said he wasn't in the mood anymore. Then I had to listen about his past failed relationships for over an hour. FML
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Top comments
iAmScrubs 19
Let's see what the judges have to say. I know Paula liked it. She's drunk so she likes everything.
thrAsHeRr9081 16
You should give him another chance. Who knows? Maybe he'll crawl into the fetal position next time.
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Comments (175)
StalinsHeir 1
But how bad was he really? You might've thought he was good but he didn't....
geod69 8
Well atleast he said it was his fault not yours
Enslaved 38
Give him some orange juice and tell him it's time for round two. Got to appreciate him wanting to be an over achieve (hopefully for your benefit). If the next time, it is seconds bad..... then you know where he stands.
perdix 31
Looks like he's straining just to achieve adequacy. He shouldn't have gone off and pouted -- he's still got 10 fingers and a tongue to entertain the OP with until he can initiate a new launch sequence ;) Always pushing that Florida orange juice, aren't you?
MrNYC 0
Give the poor kid a break.... In this day and age kids are losing there virginity at 12 years old .. And I was shocked when I read that so maybe you either need to wait till you guys get older or have sex with a more experienced guy
DocBastard 40
SOME children that young are stupid enough to do it that early, yes. The average age worldwide of kids losing their virginity is 17.3. This "Oh, young kids are doing it, so get over it!" attitude is the exact reason why the teen pregnancy rate in the US is 4 times that of Europe.
PandaLoverXD 12
I thought the reason was abstinence-only education.
MrNYC 0
Correction the average age is 14 in 2012 stats have been updated...!
beccalyn244 4
Damn sucks for you Well my 1st was awesome :)
MrNYC 0
LoL your mean!!!
MommaMuff 6
Try something battery powered next time.
Burrito_Time 5
Must suck in sex!!
perdix 31
Is he 70 or something? A healthy man ought to be able to get it up again fairly soon and try to get redemption for the bad opening act. Women prefer guys who can control themselves from the get-go, but many are usually willing to accept the Comeback Kid;)
Clamcreepy 7
Go comfort this whimp ,hand him a tissue, tell him to get up, dust his self off and try again. Before this dude's ego go fly from his man hood
boredfishing 0
Maybe OP is sexy and tight? Poor guy, my turn?