Intimacy: Inappropriate - FML

Inappropriate

By Anonymous - 24/04/2015 19:39 - Ireland - Mountmellick

Spicy

Today, I overheard my uncle talking about me to his friends. Nothing serious, just that he'd fuck me senseless if we weren't related. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 462

You deserved it 3 236

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Broken heart

The asshats always win

Supervision

By cocoapuffs4life - 10/06/2015 23:45 - Canada - Aurora

Today, I was told by my manager to make sure the supervisor on shift does his job. Last month I was told I couldn't be a supervisor. Apparently I can supervise someone who earns more than I do though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 650

You deserved it 1 715

By LonelyOtter - 11/12/2018 14:00

Today, one of my female friends decided she wants a relationship with my ex. I told her I was fine with it because we've been apart for years and have been friends ever since. She then made him chose between being friends with me and having her as a girlfriend. I just lost two of my few friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 336

You deserved it 240

By anon - 27/04/2016 16:13 - Canada - Vaudreuil

Today, I went to see a hockey game. The announcer asked if anybody found a ring in the stands, because a girl lost hers. While he talked about it, I realised that I forgot mine in my pocket, so I took MY ring and put it on my finger. A guy saw me and thought I stole the lost one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 868

You deserved it 2 165

By Elis - 01/03/2009 08:49 - United States

Today, my mom bought me a t-shirt from the store. It has the U.S. Marines logo on it and says "Marines' Girlfriend". I'm a straight 16 year old boy and my mom only reads and speaks Spanish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 569

You deserved it 4 771

By Mrs. Ned - 09/09/2015 02:00 - United States - Incline Village

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my husband having sex with the shower wall. When I got in the shower with him he immediately went soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 776

You deserved it 3 057

By VedaLynn - 03/12/2012 23:01 - United States

Today, it's my 21st birthday and my dad has decided to take away my ID in fear that if I have even one drink to celebrate I'll become a raging alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 968

You deserved it 2 673

Not the one

By Anonymous - 27/10/2019 16:00

Today, my ex, who I'm still love with, told me he's engaged. We weren't together for long because he didn't want a committed relationship. Guess it was just me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 600

You deserved it 204

By Brady - 30/04/2013 16:00 - Spain - Madrid

Today, I called a taxi after a night of partying. When it arrived, I realised I had no cash, so I told the driver I'd quickly grab some from an ATM. He made me leave my phone with him as collateral in case I was pulling a prank. He drove off the moment I turned my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 511

You deserved it 15 030

Innocence project

By Anonymous - 30/06/2021 00:01

Today, my son-in-law slapped my daughter, so I put him in an armhold and threw him outside. My daughter refused to press charges so he got away, but then he pressed charges against me for hitting his head against the wall when I threw him, so I got arrested instead. Justice is a shitting joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 332

You deserved it 146

Wait here

By ignored - 28/09/2019 00:01 - Canada

Today, I showed up on time for a job interview. After waiting for about three hours, I was informed that the manager had "better things to do" than interview me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 928

You deserved it 103

By avalanche719 - 26/08/2010 15:09 - United States

Today, I went to pay my vehicle registration in person to avoid paying the $10.00 online service fee. After a long wait, I came out to find a $15.00 parking ticket on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 727

You deserved it 24 505

By WhoaThere - 18/12/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, a cute guy asked for my phone number and I gladly gave it to him. I was feeling really good about myself for getting hit on by the star football player. That was until he called 8 times and left 5 messages. In 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 401

You deserved it 9 618

By Eli - 14/01/2010 00:08 - United States

Today, I was pointing out my car to my roommate. He responded with, "Oh that one with the broken window?" Turns out my car had been broken into. They took my CD player, GPS and Ipod. On top of that they left a Reese's Fastbreak wrapper and sunflower seeds on my front seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 708

You deserved it 3 630

Leeches

By Anonymous - 19/12/2020 01:04 - Iraq - Basrah

Today, I found out that if my husband and I move to another country to live, then his mom and sister will live with us too. I'm already living with them because of societal traditions. I like them and everything, but I really need some privacy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 291

By Anonymous - 20/05/2016 16:05 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my dad told me to knock it off with my "stupid gangster walk", saying it made me look like an idiot. I didn't have the balls to admit I'd sharted my pants and was awkwardly waddling to the bathroom to clean myself up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 721

You deserved it 2 212

By Anonymous - 18/01/2011 18:35 - United States

Today, my extremely lazy roommate is in bed with the flu. Instead of getting up to get water, he's run the garden hose through his window, and instead of going to the bathroom, he's connected a siphon to his penis and run it to a 5-gallon bucket. I have to live with this idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 498

You deserved it 5 160

By anonymous - 28/07/2011 05:39 - United States

Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 387

You deserved it 16 931

By Anonymous - 13/06/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, I gave a carpet shampooing demonstration in a stranger's home. To my surprise, the white expensive carpet was dyed grey due to something in the solution. The owner held me hostage in her house by barracading the door until my manager got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 482

You deserved it 9 041

By dileigh - 10/03/2009 18:37 - United States

Today, I received my graduation gift, a bath robe, from my parents. My have two older sisters also graduated. The first one got a Tiffany's bracelet, the second one got a plane ticket to Europe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 146

You deserved it 3 615

By hatelife - 30/12/2009 19:07 - United States

Today, the instructions on my new IKEA bed made me cry. It includes a picture of a person working alone with a frown crossed out and is replaced by two smiling people working together. I have no one in my life to help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 185

You deserved it 4 825

Hope springs eternal

By Work Life Imbalance - 17/02/2021 22:59

Today, I started working my third job, on top of a full time job and a casual job. Why? My partner got sacked from her job, because she did nothing while working from home. She will look for a job "when the economy improves and we hit peak vaccination." Vaccinations don’t start in my country for another 6 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 135

By mack - 25/10/2009 08:54 - Canada

Today, I went to a 'haunted' theme park, actors had been trying to scare me the whole night. I was waiting by an outdoor heater for my friend when a hand came out of nowhere close to my face. I screamed at the top of my lungs, but it was only some chick wanting to warm her hands by the heater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 699

You deserved it 7 112

By Jessica - 08/07/2011 00:58 - Australia

Today, I met my boyfriend's sophisticated grandparents. I politely introduced myself. The first words to come out of his granny's mouth were, "If something happens to him, you won't get a f*cking cent of the insurance money, you hear?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 550

You deserved it 3 107

By mookiemookie01 - 27/03/2014 22:34

Today, after years of frustration, I got a t-shirt printed that says, "I am a girl". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 894

You deserved it 5 834

By go fish - 08/07/2019 06:00

Today, my boyfriend gently pointed out that when we hug, it's our stomachs that touch first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 432

You deserved it 382

By Anonymous - 23/10/2011 05:30 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my room while my mom was talking to my uncle. I had my door open. She said "Yeah my son doesn't know I have his phone password. Girls nowadays are real sluts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 542

You deserved it 8 820

By sadface - 04/01/2010 06:43 - Australia

Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 423

You deserved it 7 399

By Insane Guy - 21/12/2012 06:47 - United States

Today, at work, I jumped under my desk in fear of a nuclear missile attack when the firestation next us let out its new awareness siren. I think I'm going insane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 270

You deserved it 7 837

By Anonymous - 03/12/2010 07:02 - United States

Today, I was in the middle of enjoying a really good book while in a waiting room. Someone saw what I was reading and thought it would be cool if she leaned over and told me everything that happens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 462

You deserved it 3 051

By lonely - 23/08/2011 16:49 - United States

Spicy

Today, my cats found my box of condoms. This is the third one they've chewed up. The worst part? They've gotten more use out of them in the last two months than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 633

You deserved it 7 289

By ZeroApostle4Ever - 23/02/2012 08:00 - United States

Today, my dad threw a waffle at my face for his own amusement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 020

You deserved it 6 567

By drfrogpepper - 01/01/2011 23:50 - United States

Today, I was dumped by the guy who serenaded me with his guitar and admitted he had feelings for me. Why? Because the girl who had continuously been rejecting him for so long finally decided to give him a chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 998

You deserved it 3 591

By stillavirgin - 03/01/2010 07:41 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I changed my 2009 new year's resolution to lose my virginity to my 2010 new year's resolution. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 146

You deserved it 5 908

By anon - 11/10/2011 11:52 - United States

Today, I realized that the redneck, hick, abusive family that my co-workers always joke about is my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 389

You deserved it 3 956

Hypocrisy

By AfraidOfToxicity - 21/07/2020 02:02

Today, I had a friend quit every friend group we shared, all because I refused to show him favouritism in my D&D campaign, after I changed the rules to reduce favouritism between everyone, because he'd complained. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 359

You deserved it 149

By future burger flipper - 03/06/2013 19:22 - United States - Whitewater

Today, my parents blew my entire college fund in their quest to finish building their replica Hobbit house in our back yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 759

You deserved it 6 302

Give it away

By zobara - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Switzerland

Today, after my credit card was stolen, the thief made donations to charitable associations. Now I feel bad for asking for the money back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 936

You deserved it 4 003

Best words

By "Kilamo" - 25/01/2020 14:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years got down on one knee and asked those words all girls love to hear "would you do me the honor of performing fellatio on me"? with a Lifesavers gummy ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 897

You deserved it 378

By Anonymous - 25/04/2011 22:38 - United States

Today, I was at the bakery I work at. A man came in to pick up a cake he said he ordered, but we could find neither the cake nor the order form. He yelled at me about being 'incompetent' before remembering that he had ordered the cake from a different bakery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 043

You deserved it 2 990

By busybee - 10/05/2009 03:38 - United States

Today, I went to the zoo with a guy I like, when we were there we saw a swarm of bees. I told him that if I got stung he would have to watch me because my dad is deathly allergic to bees and I have never been stung. Jokingly, he nudged me into the bush and said "let's see". We did. I'm allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 618

You deserved it 5 813

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Saturday 25 April 2015 8:58

That's equal parts disgusting and terrifying.

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Saturday 25 April 2015 9:00

You definitely want to follow the buddy system when you're around him

Comments

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Saturday 25 April 2015 8:58

That's equal parts disgusting and terrifying.

Saturday 25 April 2015 11:01

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

ForSaleBabyShoes 2

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Saturday 25 April 2015 13:45

That's what uncles are for silly!

fuckedPriceless 17

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Saturday 25 April 2015 15:28

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

LlamaFlavoured 24

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Saturday 25 April 2015 18:26

i'm concerned about all three of you ^

SweetasCandy0609 28

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Saturday 25 April 2015 20:40

well that's really disturbing if you guys really think OP should take that as a compliment, and the fact that he even says this out loud to his friends is even more creepy.

fuckedPriceless 17

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Saturday 25 April 2015 21:43

you can't condemn a person for their thoughts, only their actions.

classicsparkles 17

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Saturday 25 April 2015 21:50

@114, actions like, telling your friends you would fuck your niece senseless while she is within earshot?

Aimeejasmine 15

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Sunday 26 April 2015 2:03

#114 ready to defend some incestuous man they don't even know

ughvictoriaxd 12

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Sunday 26 April 2015 7:04

Right...

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Sunday 26 April 2015 18:58

#100 I agree 100% Actually #114 has some issues. Not just on this fml but a few others. Needs for psych exam.

TiddlesWiddles 15

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Friday 1 May 2015 2:28

Its even weirder if OP is a boy.

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Sunday 1 November 2015 7:05

i completely agree #1 that is messed the fuck up.

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Saturday 25 April 2015 8:58

That's really messed up...

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Saturday 25 April 2015 14:35

But at the same time, it's a compliment

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Saturday 25 April 2015 15:51

#73 No. It isn't.

classicsparkles 17

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Saturday 25 April 2015 21:53

dude, 73, if you think your uncle wanting to fuck you is a compliment, you might need your head checked.

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Saturday 25 April 2015 8:58

That is disgusting. Why would a family member ever say that?

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Sunday 26 April 2015 0:14

Only maybe a family member who's related by marriage, not blood (I sincerely hope)

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Sunday 26 April 2015 5:15

I agree with #3, something has to be wrong with that man to say that let alone think it. Which he obviously did. There will be people commenting on this FML saying "take it as flattery." Please don't.

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Saturday 25 April 2015 8:59

That's not the only thing senseless in this conversation.

theTravinator 21

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Saturday 25 April 2015 14:01

Op should probably get her dad to beat him senseless

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Saturday 25 April 2015 9:00

You definitely want to follow the buddy system when you're around him

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Saturday 25 April 2015 23:11

and avoid any family dinners at his place

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Saturday 25 April 2015 9:00

Am guessing alcohol was involved and of course immaturity and creepiness

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Saturday 25 April 2015 20:57

why so many dislikes to this comment? I agree with it.

Roxas_hearts 27

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Sunday 26 April 2015 0:58

Yeah, why exactly is 6 being disliked? It's a comment with common sense.

Dick_diamond 22

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Saturday 25 April 2015 9:02

Incest isn't just about actions. The thoughts are gross and scary, too. FYL

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Saturday 25 April 2015 9:03

Good thing he's not a brother from another mother.

AnOriginalName 19

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Saturday 25 April 2015 9:08

No, he's a brother of her mother.

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Saturday 25 April 2015 11:02

Or father

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Saturday 25 April 2015 14:06

What does this even mean?

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Saturday 25 April 2015 9:07

That's disgusting...

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Saturday 25 April 2015 9:09

Might want to keep your distance from now on, OP

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 4

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 718

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 642

You deserved it 816