Love: Today my best friend called me at 6 a.m., ranting and accusing...

By innocent

Today my best friend called me at 6 a.m., ranting and accusing me of sleeping with her husband. I live two hours away and haven't seen him in person in over six months. FML

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Love

Triage

Daddy's little girl

Can we be friends?

By MysticSoup - United States - Carthage

Today, I asked my doctor out on a date. He had his nurse turn me down. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML

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By Anonymous - 5/11/2020 10:57

Great first impression

Today, I finally spoke to a counsellor about my depression. As soon as the session started, I became so anxious that I could barely speak. Once the Zoom call was finished, I got the distinct impression that she thought I was mentally disabled. FML

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By elle - United States - Round Lake

Today, I saw a psychiatrist for the first time. After telling her everything I'm going through, she looked at me and said "You know... every five years or so I get a case completely beyond my ability to help." I guess it's been five years. FML

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By lobotomized - United States

Today, a couple came into the gas station where I work to ask for directions. While I was giving the woman directions (and even writing them down to be as helpful as possible), the man stole my wallet out of my purse that was sitting on the other end of the counter behind a display. FML

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By jazz - France

Today, I was holding hands with my daughter and she wanted to skip. When I went to skip I accidentally kneed her in the face. Everyone saw her holding her busted lip and pointing at me. FML

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By Promo girl - Australia

Today, I was offered a promotion but for the same pay. Promotion... WTF? FML

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By gross - Canada

Today, I was playing my guitar outside my apartment building, and some people had put some money in my guitar case. One guy threw in what I thought was a crumpled piece of paper or something. It was actually a used condom. It leaked all over the money and my case. FML

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By hannibal - Australia

Today, I heard a loud-speaker announcement in my college that someone had left their car in the car park, still running, with keys in the ignition. I laughed at that person's foolishness until I realised it was mine. FML

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By shocked - United States

Today, my "future" wife got drunk in front of my parents, who she was meeting for the first time. She called my dad a piece of shit and told my mom she wants to tear her own eyes out. FML

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By BlackPolarbear - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. My phone started ringing and it was my Mom, she said I could answer it. As I answered the phone my girlfriend started playing with my dick. I moaned. Loud. FML

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By hannamacintosh - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I finally decided to accept a date proposal from a guy who's had a crush on me for years. I got into his car, and it smelled strongly of my middle school perfume. I went into his bedroom and saw my middle school class photos hanging everywhere. Let's just say I ran home that night. FML

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By llostinreality - United States - Milwaukee

Today, the blinker on my car was broken so I decided to play it safe and drive a different car to work. I guess it wouldn’t have mattered which car I drove, as the cop nicely told me one of the headlights was out when he pulled me over. FML

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2941

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By Anonymous

Today, I was cuddling with the girl I've been seeing for the past few months. She was saying how much she liked me and how much I meant to her. Reciprocating those feelings, I asked her to be my girlfriend. It was a HARD no for her. Then she drove me an hour and a half home. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/6/2020 14:03

Hairy situation

Today, after taking hair growth pills and using hair growth medicated shampoos, I have not seen any different in my thinning hair. Can't say the same about the hair sprouting on my knuckles, chin, and toes. My pubes are very thick, silky, and luscious thanks to the treatment. I'm a woman. FML

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1427

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my son threw the biggest fit in history about going to the dentist. He broke a whole stack of plates, overflowed the bathtub, let the dog loose, and kicked his father when he tried to calm him down. My son is 17. FML

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By tdiz - Canada

Today, I was getting frisky with my fiancée when she started talking about her dead great-grandma. FML

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By Anonymous

Baby, You Can Drive My Car

Today, I had a bad and very unenthusiastic one night stand and tried to quietly order an Uber while she was getting dressed. Turns out, she's an Uber driver and being as she was in the area, the alert came over her phone. She was furious. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Danby

Today, at my school they were having a carnival to raise money. One of the patrons suggested that if they wanted to make money, they should have people pledge money to make me cover my ugly face with a bag. The school got over $500, and I had to wear a bag. FML

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By liz - United States

Today, I was walking in Walmart and this cute guy walked by me and winked. I thought he wanted to talk so I followed him around the store trying to catch up. Turns out it wasn't a wink, he had something in his eye. And he told the security person that a weird girl was stalking him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried to email my Dad a picture of someone we knew that I'd found on the Internet. He called me later to inform me that I had actually sent him a picture of myself in a naughty school girl outfit that I'd taken for my husband. My mom was laughing her ass off. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML

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By Morganisoverrated

Today, I was planning to ask a guy at school out since I had mustered up the confidence to finally tell him how I really felt. I ended up puking on him. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, after an hour of crying over a guy I like, I put on some Adele and sang along. My mom quickly took notice and came to give me advice, which was to "get over it" because he doesn't want me, and that "masturbation beats relationships hands down." Gee, thanks mom. FML

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By brandon - Canada

Today, I spent 30 minutes trying to unlock my garage door. After shouting several profanities, my roommate walked up to me, turned the key the other way, and unlocked it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Erie

Today, after being a germaphobe for almost ten years and refusing to go out to restaurants because of it, I finally had the courage to face my fear, and went to dinner with my family. After three bites into my salad, I found a dead bug in it. FML

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By Eimii - United States

Today, my 70 year old coworker gave me a letter telling me he was attracted to me, and wishes to have a relationship in which he can 'hold me in his arms every night'. I'm 21. FML

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By unicornlovet

Today, I was cleaning, anticipating my hypercritical in-laws coming to see our new house. Literally 10 minutes before they arrived, sewage backed up the basement drain. My father-in-law spent the entire visit commenting on the smell, and how he couldn’t use the washroom. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my favorite fish died. To make things better my parents thought to take me out to dinner. We ate sushi. FML

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By Oh No...

Today, my girlfriend filmed a video about violence in sexual relationships for a class. I expected a monologue kind of thing. She then told me it was an example video of an encounter with a male classmate. She showed me. It’s pretty much porn. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend just told me the picture of "him as a baby" was really his son. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/3/2021 05:01

Men and their balls

Today, five years after the birth of our last child, my husband still hasn't gotten the vasectomy he swore he would get. He wouldn't let me get my tubes tied, because it was "the least he could do," but when I ask about it, I'm a nag. FML

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By Dannikins - 5/11/2020 01:01 - United States - San Antonio

Don't hate the playa…

Today, the guy I've been looking forward going on a date with had to cancel due to Covid. This wouldn't have been an issue, if I didn't see him later that night posting about him at a bar with another girl. FML

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By WHY - United States - Fairfax

Today, I planned on "breaking up" with my best friend by confessing my love for her, hoping she would feel different and move on. She reciprocated. FML

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By FUCK A FUCKING DUCK - Bahamas - Nassau

Today, I went out and bought a copy of Black Ops 2. I got home and opened the case, only to see the game disk was missing. When I went back to the store to complain, the guy at the desk accused me of trying to pull an old scam on him. FML

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By harrassment101 - United States

Today, at work a female co-worker was struggling with a stack of boxes in her hands. Her pantyhose was falling down and she asked me to help her. So I pulled up her pantyhose. When I looked up, she had a horrified look on her face. She was asking me to help her hold the boxes. FML

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By zzarzzur - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML

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33784

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By impishsamaritan

Toxic Managers

Today, I had to pretend in front of our director that my manager is a nice person. In reality, she's a soul-sucking bully who has made my life so miserable that twice I was on the brink of nervous breakdown. FML

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By BadBreath - United States

Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML

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By Casey - France

Today, I took a test as part of a job requirement. I took a sip from a bottle of juice, and the lady leading the test gave me a warning. I tried to explain that if I didn't, I would faint. She took the bottle and hid it. 15 minutes later I collapsed. She thought I was faking. I'm hypoglycemic. FML

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Top comments

By tayjb17 | 15

#7441124 - Wednesday 19 April 2017 0:08

If she believes that you would do that, she isn't your best friend.

By Pat Burke | 3

#7441122 - Wednesday 19 April 2017 0:05

You may want to re-evaluate what the term "best friend" means.

COMMENTS

By Pat Burke | 3

#7441122 - Wednesday 19 April 2017 0:05

You may want to re-evaluate what the term "best friend" means.

By tayjb17 | 15

#7441124 - Wednesday 19 April 2017 0:08

If she believes that you would do that, she isn't your best friend.

By Kurliez408 | 32

#7441125 - Wednesday 19 April 2017 0:09

don't think op's guilty, just pointing out that 'haven't seen him in 6 months' doesn't mean didn't sleep with him 6 months ago ;)

By nononsense14 | 8

#7441131 - Wednesday 19 April 2017 0:18

But... did you sleep with him?

By United Airlines | 2

#7441145 - Wednesday 19 April 2017 1:14

You have nothing to lose by sleeping with him now. Have fun!

Joshua Smith | 4

#7441150 - Wednesday 19 April 2017 1:26

She needs to Do what you did to that Asian guy to her friend.

By neptune997 | 4

#7441148 - Wednesday 19 April 2017 1:20

She needs to check herself.

sunny_funny | 9

#7441156 - Wednesday 19 April 2017 1:54

Before she wrecks herself

By dextroz | 8

#7441154 - Wednesday 19 April 2017 1:41

You must be the kind of person that needs to go on Jerry Springer to settle this.

By TabooSushi | 24

#7441566 - Thursday 20 April 2017 0:35

I'm going through something similar with a friend right now... Sometimes I wonder what gets into people's heads that makes them so insecure that they start accusing people of crimes they couldn't possibly have committed.