Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. - Mom and Dad." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I needed money to go to the movie. I asked my mom if I could reach in her purse and grab a few bucks. When I opened up her purse her phone started to vibrate. I yelled over to my mom that her phone was ringing. She said the phone was next to her. I looked in the purse. It was a vibrator. FML
Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML
Today, the vibrator I ordered online was delivered. I'd paid extra to make sure it would be here before the weekend, so I could sneak it into my room while everyone was gone. My dad decided to stay home all day and answer the door ahead of me. FML
Today, I ran out of underwear and so I went into my mom's drawer to borrow a pair from her. It was then that I found out my mom uses the same vibrator as I do. FML
Today, after assuming I'd been scammed, I finally found the vibrator I ordered over 2 months ago. It was in my mom's bedside cabinet. FML
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
Today, my mother said I'm slipping too deep into depression since my boyfriend left for college in Fresno. Her solution? Buying me a vibrator. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I realized that the vibrator we bought got sent to his parents house. He picked it up from them, brought it home, and we discovered that they had already opened the package. They even tried to hide the evidence by re-taping it. FML
Today, I finally received the vibrator I ordered online. Too bad they labeled what the item was on the outside of the box, and my dad was the one to pick up the packages. FML
Today, I woke up to the sight of a zucchini and a condom on my bedside table, along with a note saying, "I know it's tough being single." Apparently my mom has boundary issues, my dad will laugh at anything, and the fact I just got dumped means nothing. FML
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Top comments
Grayness_ 26
Or you could just use your hand which is free ! :D haha
grahmagog 14
give it back and tell them to buy headphones
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Comments (180)
ijulez 14
how thoughtful of your parents. they do care about you and want to get a better nights rest
DocBastard 38
That wasn't on my mind at all. I'm just trying to figure out why you can't spell out "why".
More_Leg 14
Turn on the tv or the radio when you use it and just keep the $30 for a real boyfriend....
More_Leg 14
I meant more along the lines of expenses of having a boyfriend. Y'all aren't exactly cheap dates either ;)
dannnngthatsux 19
Just be happy they aren't knocking on your door with points signs afterwards. 9 out of 10! Or even worse, advice!
Marine621 11
You disgust me
jude_iscariot 7
Should've given you more than that. That's not going to get you anything too quiet for the most part.
whatismissing 8
You're right. I could recommend the Hitachi Wander wand, but that's gonna take more than that.
sjbartholome 14
Hey, free money!
whatismissing 8
Oh come on, you're a healthy girl. What's the problem?
mattman1 7
ahahahahahahaha
October3461 12
Its called fingering. It gets the job done just as well as a vibrator and you don't have to rely on the batteries to get off either!