Intimacy: Kinda cute

Kinda cute

By anon - 09/09/2013 15:15 - United States - Mantua

Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. - Mom and Dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 398

You deserved it 25 996

World Environment Day : Green and Vaudevilles
Stories where love for the planet meets situations that are as green as they are funny! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Noname - 13/03/2009 23:04 - United States

Today, I needed money to go to the movie. I asked my mom if I could reach in her purse and grab a few bucks. When I opened up her purse her phone started to vibrate. I yelled over to my mom that her phone was ringing. She said the phone was next to her. I looked in the purse. It was a vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 283

You deserved it 5 338

By Mygawdwhy - 21/01/2018 01:30

Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 178

You deserved it 2 050

By Ouch - 21/01/2012 00:29 - United States

Today, the vibrator I ordered online was delivered. I'd paid extra to make sure it would be here before the weekend, so I could sneak it into my room while everyone was gone. My dad decided to stay home all day and answer the door ahead of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 806

You deserved it 9 340

By Ab - 10/02/2009 01:50 - United States

Today, I ran out of underwear and so I went into my mom's drawer to borrow a pair from her. It was then that I found out my mom uses the same vibrator as I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 304

You deserved it 42 770

By Anonymous - 28/04/2015 16:58 - United Kingdom - Exminster

Today, after assuming I'd been scammed, I finally found the vibrator I ordered over 2 months ago. It was in my mom's bedside cabinet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 800

You deserved it 4 436

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 05:13 - United States

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 275 458

You deserved it 88 376

It's the thought that counts, right?

By kdmoney - 23/09/2011 06:16 - United States

Today, my mother said I'm slipping too deep into depression since my boyfriend left for college in Fresno. Her solution? Buying me a vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 293

You deserved it 7 557

By crazygirl - 29/10/2009 06:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I realized that the vibrator we bought got sent to his parents house. He picked it up from them, brought it home, and we discovered that they had already opened the package. They even tried to hide the evidence by re-taping it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 503

You deserved it 5 169

My package

By Nikki - 20/11/2019 05:00

Today, I finally received the vibrator I ordered online. Too bad they labeled what the item was on the outside of the box, and my dad was the one to pick up the packages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 512

You deserved it 715

By Madeline Lee - 09/04/2012 21:34 - France - Pessac

Today, I woke up to the sight of a zucchini and a condom on my bedside table, along with a note saying "I know it's tough being single." Apparently my mom has boundary issues, my dad will laugh at anything, and the fact I just got dumped means nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 675

You deserved it 3 018

Grayness_ 26

Monday 9 September 2013 19:25

Or you could just use your hand which is free ! :D haha

grahmagog 14

Monday 9 September 2013 19:25

give it back and tell them to buy headphones

Comments

happyturtle 16

Tuesday 10 September 2013 8:30

is quieter even a word?

igetfeisty 6

Tuesday 10 September 2013 10:01

Give them earplugs and a note saying "there is no substitute for Mr Hitachi."

Adorlee 11

Tuesday 10 September 2013 11:39

Awkward.. $30 is not enough but check out LELO! Those are awesome

jeff_757 5

Tuesday 10 September 2013 14:42

They probably don't like the diesel fumes either. Time to change from gas to electric.

carina_47 16

Tuesday 10 September 2013 15:01

Haha, what's a girl without a vibrator. you should ask for more money and invest in something fancy. It'll pay off!

Angel_of_Night 10

Wednesday 11 September 2013 4:50

One word: OUCH.

baxeh 29

Wednesday 11 September 2013 8:05

This is hilarious! Awesome parents

takeme_loveme 6

Thursday 12 September 2013 6:41

Okay, that's just embarrassing. eww! if i was in that situation, i would never face my parents anymore.

daboebensen 1

Thursday 12 September 2013 8:19

Lol wouldn't bother me in the least. Your parents are hilarious.

dravvy 7

Thursday 12 September 2013 9:57

More like get a gag if you're screaming too loud.

Keywords

Awkward Work Haircut Mental health Neighbours Health Weird Dating Love Doctor Kids Parenting Christmas My ex Social Media Instagram Break-ups Crush Sex AITA Shopping Money Intimacy Anxiety Wanker DIY Relatable Weather Cars Miscellaneous

The Top

Today, I realized that I'm jealous of my newly-divorced roommate. She has so much freedom now because her daughter lives 50/50 with her ex. I'm trying so hard keeping my household, relationship, work, and kids happy, and I'm tired and overwhelmed all of the time, while she goes on vacation with her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 368

Today, I realized that after decades of crappy retail jobs, when I left my last one praying to God that I'd never have to work retail again, I got my wish. Brain surgery put me in a wheelchair for life and I can do very little with my limbs. Be careful what you wish for, perspective is everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 593

You deserved it 65

The Top

Today, I ran into my ex at our local supermarket. Trying to be aloof, I waved casually, but I misjudged the distance and knocked over a display of canned beans. My ex just stood there, laughing, while I scrambled to rearrange up my mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 184

You deserved it 335

Today, I got slapped by a date because she thought I was making fun of her speech impediment. I wasn't making fun, I just have the same speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 87

Today, I pulled out three chips from a bag. There were two round ones, and a skinny one, making it look like a penis. I laughed. I'm 33. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 957

You deserved it 32 823

Today, when I tried to give blood, I was turned down before I even made it through the information packet. Why? Because I had thought I was supposed to fast for 24 hours beforehand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 950

You deserved it 3 504

Today, my boyfriend endearingly told me that he's been taking advantage of my inability to smell due to a head cold, and he's been farting around me whenever he pleases. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 114

You deserved it 4 848

Today, my anxious, obsessive, overbearing mother called me four times. That's significantly less than usual. When I complained to my dad, he said, "She just worries about you because she loves you." I don't feel loved, I feel smothered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 144

Kinda cute

Same thing different taste

It's the thought that counts, right?

My package

Top comments

Comments