Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. - Mom and Dad." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
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Today, I needed money to go to the movie. I asked my mom if I could reach in her purse and grab a few bucks. When I opened up her purse her phone started to vibrate. I yelled over to my mom that her phone was ringing. She said the phone was next to her. I looked in the purse. It was a vibrator. FML
Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML
Today, the vibrator I ordered online was delivered. I'd paid extra to make sure it would be here before the weekend, so I could sneak it into my room while everyone was gone. My dad decided to stay home all day and answer the door ahead of me. FML
Today, I ran out of underwear and so I went into my mom's drawer to borrow a pair from her. It was then that I found out my mom uses the same vibrator as I do. FML
Today, after assuming I'd been scammed, I finally found the vibrator I ordered over 2 months ago. It was in my mom's bedside cabinet. FML
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
Today, my mother said I'm slipping too deep into depression since my boyfriend left for college in Fresno. Her solution? Buying me a vibrator. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I realized that the vibrator we bought got sent to his parents house. He picked it up from them, brought it home, and we discovered that they had already opened the package. They even tried to hide the evidence by re-taping it. FML
Today, I finally received the vibrator I ordered online. Too bad they labeled what the item was on the outside of the box, and my dad was the one to pick up the packages. FML
Today, I woke up to the sight of a zucchini and a condom on my bedside table, along with a note saying, "I know it's tough being single." Apparently my mom has boundary issues, my dad will laugh at anything, and the fact I just got dumped means nothing. FML
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Top comments
Grayness_ 26
Or you could just use your hand which is free ! :D haha
grahmagog 14
give it back and tell them to buy headphones
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Comments (180)
etishuman22 32
Goddamn it, I wish my parents were that nice. Thumb me down if you must, but a few weeks ago I came home from a long weekend trip to find they had completely reorganized my room but my ***** had gone missing. Your parents recognize you're an adult, OP and you're lucky. Mine thought it was stupid I had one and I'm a grown ass woman.
lishabear 21
26 - And part of being a grown ass woman is not living at home with your parents.
etishuman22 32
#43 I guess I deserved that? I stay at home because the deal was as long as I was in school I could live with them. So I've been working a full time job, a part time job and going to school while I pay for school myself. So yeah. I'm a grown ass woman living at her parent's until she graduates.
lishabear 21
No big deal. :) I just know that with my parents it was their house, THEIR rules. No matter how ridiculous it seemed.
etishuman22 32
I see what you're saying, but when it comes to a *****, it's really none of their business. Unless they're giving me $30 to go buy one. Then it can be their business.
dannnngthatsux 19
Lotta respect there. They pay the bills, they make the rules. Congratulations on being well motivated and disciplined. You are an example of what we all should be. BUT when I lived with my parents during school, I paid them rent, worked, went to school AND respected their wishes. I got out and into my own place. I went back to visit. Mom got on my case about a girlfriend; I told her "thanks for the advice I'll think about it" and after that, when asked, I just said "off limits." Good luck with school!
imagineapc 11
My dad asked me to pay rent while I was in college, and working two full time jobs. At that point, his rules became null and void. I paid $500 a month for a room in the basement and maybe one or two meals a week - no way in hell was going to be treated like I was still in high school.
Ki11erC 18
A full time job and a part time job and go to "school". Something there isn't adding up. Unless you don't sleep ever.
Ki11erC 18
Also if you are a "grown ass woman". Ask for it back or ask why...
okibi1 20
Bravo to you!! I am also a grown woman living with the dad whilst in school. (Physical Therapist Assistant program.)
Holy_Schnikes 23
I grew up with "No fun ever, sex is only for baby making between a MARRIED man and woman." I now live with my Fiancé and know that if my Grandmother ever found my vibrator I would never hear the end of it, she would throw it away and the most likely disown me. I'm sorry that happened to you. The good ones are not cheap.
etishuman22 32
Wow, thanks for all the support everyone! So glad to hear from others going through this just like me. And the reason why I think it's stupid is because my boyfriend spends the night IN MY BED all the time and they don't care, they love him to death, so why a vibrator is such a deal to them doesn't make sense. My mom was all like "I never needed one!" and I was was thinking to myself "Have you ever heard of an ******, mom?" Ugh, us Catholics. We have problems.
ballbearing 10
I work 37 hours a week at one job (considered just shy of full time), 12 hours at another job and attend 2 classes a week. Oh and I'm a single mother. I sleep and work my ass off. That is all I do.
archertheo 15
Marbe your boyfriend eliminated the competition ;)
inolongercare 19
$30 won't buy that. Also wont quiet u down ;-)
Gingerette 8
I feel bad for your parents. And for you. That's awkward as hell, in my opinion. At that point, I'd sell a kidney to move out.
AngryD 9
Your parents are awesome maybe next time you get your rocks off you will be a little more quite
chocolatefrog28 29
Well, if what you're working with now is too noisy, maybe it's time to invest in a smaller model, a rabbit or a vibrating egg. Or just a heavier blanket to muffle the sound, and a ball gag. Either way, a 30 dollar investment would make a dent in making things less awkward for everyone.
thewife5 19
The egg is a waste of money.
AGuyNamedI 7
This FML really should be coming from the parents... "Today, I gave my daughter who still lives at home $30 to get a quieter vibrator. FML."
Zombie_Sea_Otter 9
should of asked them if they prefer your BF to do the job
heliophobia 13
Well I can see how your parents would not be comfortable hearing their daughter **********. I don't think masturbation is wrong, everyone has needs, but just be courteous to others while you do it.
Komaeda 14
I can already imagine how you felt, that must've been so embarrassing omg
jw90 18
At least they're understanding about your situation and want to help