Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. - Mom and Dad." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I needed money to go to the movie. I asked my mom if I could reach in her purse and grab a few bucks. When I opened up her purse her phone started to vibrate. I yelled over to my mom that her phone was ringing. She said the phone was next to her. I looked in the purse. It was a vibrator. FML
Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML
Today, the vibrator I ordered online was delivered. I'd paid extra to make sure it would be here before the weekend, so I could sneak it into my room while everyone was gone. My dad decided to stay home all day and answer the door ahead of me. FML
Today, I ran out of underwear and so I went into my mom's drawer to borrow a pair from her. It was then that I found out my mom uses the same vibrator as I do. FML
Today, after assuming I'd been scammed, I finally found the vibrator I ordered over 2 months ago. It was in my mom's bedside cabinet. FML
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
Today, my mother said I'm slipping too deep into depression since my boyfriend left for college in Fresno. Her solution? Buying me a vibrator. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I realized that the vibrator we bought got sent to his parents house. He picked it up from them, brought it home, and we discovered that they had already opened the package. They even tried to hide the evidence by re-taping it. FML
Today, I finally received the vibrator I ordered online. Too bad they labeled what the item was on the outside of the box, and my dad was the one to pick up the packages. FML
Today, I woke up to the sight of a zucchini and a condom on my bedside table, along with a note saying, "I know it's tough being single." Apparently my mom has boundary issues, my dad will laugh at anything, and the fact I just got dumped means nothing. FML
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Top comments
Grayness_ 26
Or you could just use your hand which is free ! :D haha
grahmagog 14
give it back and tell them to buy headphones
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Comments (180)
UnluckyGenius 21
Woo! Free money! You can act like a loon buy a bunch of egg cartons and sound proof your room.
DotDootyDot 17
I wish good quality (and quiet) vibrators cost only 30$!
etishuman22 32
I had a nice one that did the job and was quiet for less than $30. I think there might be a difference in quality when you go to a store and see them in person rather than buying them online. You'd be surprised to see how many nice, affordable ****** there are in sex shops. The only catch is you have to walk inside.
BrandiLush 31
I buy mine on adameve.com. You can buy tons of ****** with $30 and get a free toy after spending $17. I have quite the collection!
Spider_Web 11
You seem like quite the ***** enthusiast
DotDootyDot 17
Meh, I don't mind walking inside sex shops; if anything I prefer seeing in loco what the toy looks like and whether I really want it or not. Plus, I'm extremely picky with my toys... Anything made with questionable materials like jelly is instantly discarded, which makes the price range also get a bit higher for my pocket. :T
love_me_electric 20
I bought an awesome rabbit-style vibrator online for $5. It was on clearance, regular $60. Best 5 bucks I've ever spent.
daboebensen 1
You I like... ;)
sunnyray812 42
At least they're helping out to pay for it.
Gingerette 8
Where did it say that in the FML? Their note read "Buy yourself" which for all intensive purposes means by yourself.
Gingerette 8
Please excuse my previous comment and ignore it. I'm sorry.
KK3137 31
Yes, but they also supplied OP with $30, thus helping her pay for it..
vipirius 18
31 You do know it's "for all intents and purposes" not "intensive purposes" right?
ninjuh_wingman 29
Nothing better than your parents hearing you while you have your masturbatory fantasies.
jessBeAqueen 13
how loud was your vibrator ??? and where can I get it ?
Mauskau 35
Google is great for this kind of thing.
TheDrifter 23
But google doesn't tell the women of fml which model had OP howling like a torture victim, that's why they ask.
SlapAndTickle 20
Gotta love it when people fail at being a smartass.
whatismissing 8
Why? Do you prefer loud?
jessBeAqueen 13
more like powerful.
subwaysurfers 13
Or you could do what Cleopatra did. Collect some bees in a jar and enjoy the vibrations. That way, you keep the $30 to yourself. I am in no way responsible for any bee stings you may receive if you take my foolish advice.
Pstraka6 20
Hey, at least they were smooth about it!
micha090 21
Hey at least they didn't walk in on you doing it and yelling at you to tone it down like it happened in many fml's. Be happy they were civilized about it :-)
Rainbow_dumpster 28
Free dough!
Fernando83 19
Just do it in the shower or turn on some music. That way you can moan freely too.