By Anonymous - 9/2/2021 00:30

Or does he?

Today, I read a message from someone on Instagram asking if I wanted to "hook up with a nice guy sometime." It was my uncle – he doesn't recognize his own family before messaging them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

908

You deserved it

44

Tweet

Share

Instadrama

Messed up

Get it on, bang a gong

By Manly Sneeze

Today, I would like to say I pinched a nerve throwing punches, but no, I did it by sneezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13007

You deserved it

1516

Tweet

Share

By peterpan - Germany

Today, I was making schnitzel at our kitchen so I had to get rid of all the oil. So I decided it would be best to put the hot pan on our porch so the oil would cool down and then I could get rid of it. Unfortunately the ground is sealed with tar, so the tar melted and now the pan is stuck to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9314

You deserved it

30554

Tweet

Share

By stelssy - United States

Today, while reading in the bath, I accidentally switched the shower on. Not wanting my book to get soaked, I threw it out of the tub. When I got out of the tub later, I found it had landed squarely in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32172

You deserved it

12910

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I opened my email expecting to see messages from my friends and family wishing me a happy birthday, but there were none. There were Happy Birthday messages from Pizza Hut and Victoria's Secret, however. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59819

You deserved it

4356

Tweet

Share

By bruisedandconfused - United States - Aberdeen

Today, two days after sending her flowers for Valentine's Day, my dream girl asked me on a date. She didn't show up. Her boyfriend did though. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54166

You deserved it

10751

Tweet

Share

By no - United States

Today, I locked myself out of my truck for the first time. While trying to unlock it, it started to rain. After half an hour, I successfully unlocked the door and then drove over my book bag, which I had placed underneath the car to keep it out of the rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38320

You deserved it

14644

Tweet

Share

By 3-wheeler - United Kingdom

Today, I left my car in a disreputable area. After picking it up later on, I heard a strange "clonking" sound. The clonking suddenly stopped when my wheel fell off; someone had stolen my wheel nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25293

You deserved it

4416

Tweet

Share

By Markeesha - United States - Eaton

What happens in Vegas doesn't stay there?

Today, I got a letter from the state that I'm being divorced. I've never been married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3757

You deserved it

268

Tweet

Share

By Noname - United States

Today, I got an email from my professor with my grade for a paper. It said, "Solid writing, but you should have proofread your final draft more carefully." In a moment of annoyance, I typed in the reply box, "God should have proofread your FACE more carefully." My elbow hit the send button. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16709

You deserved it

68247

Tweet

Share

By Rachel8896 - United States - Lakewood

Today, it was my birthday. I spent all day in bed, sick with the flu. My boyfriend then broke up with me by text, because he didn't want to risk getting sick by doing it in person. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55946

You deserved it

3404

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Germany

Today, my girlfriend bought herself a brand new iPad and iPod Touch, and returned my aging iPod and Kindle, which she constantly steals for her own use. She considers it my Valentine's Day present. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32787

You deserved it

3808

Tweet

Share

By

#LurkerForLife

Today, I realized that my social life is so dead the only thing I do that involves other people is read FML. I don't even participate in the comments. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4668

You deserved it

1063

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I competed in a ballet competition and made the finals, while I was on stage awaiting the results, I sneezed really loudly and snot went flying all over the stage. When I went to accept my award the woman presenting it refused to shake my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38608

You deserved it

8782

Tweet

Share

By brokenhearted - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my boyfriend sent me so many nice texts that he made me fall in love with him that little bit more. It turns out he was sweetening me up before telling me he cheated on me the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34057

You deserved it

2581

Tweet

Share

By she has dumbcuntitis - United States - Hacienda Heights

Today, my roommate bitched me out over my "OCD" driving the water bill up. She takes hour-long showers, but apparently me flushing after peeing "wasteful" and a sign of a neurological disorder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30082

You deserved it

1994

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home to my empty apartment. My girlfriend had left a note on the floor that said: "Took my stuff and left. Took your stuff and pawned it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42752

You deserved it

5268

Tweet

Share

By ouch

Today, me and my hubby wanted to spice things up in the bedroom. He’s always wanted to eat food off my body but never wanted to deal with the mess. He got a little too excited and ended up biting my nipple instead of the spaghetti. I didn’t know someone was capable of biting that hard on soft food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1956

You deserved it

608

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I kissed a boy I have liked since the first day of university. I was thrilled until he followed it with, "Right, I don't think we should tell anyone this happened. Not that they'd believe it anyway." He then patted my ass and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42035

You deserved it

4658

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Sacramento

Today, I found out that the only reason why I haven't had a relationship last for more than a week the past 4 years is because of my stalker ex-girlfriend, who has been keeping other women out of my life by making up horrible stories about me. She broke up with me 5 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33255

You deserved it

2283

Tweet

Share

By heronlydaughter - United States

Today, I went over to my mother-in-law's house to have dinner. I was excited she invited me, since I thought she didn't like me. I ended up hanging her Christmas lights in a snowstorm while they had s'mores by the fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30361

You deserved it

4171

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met with a friend who had gained some weight since I saw him last. After a friendly hug, I put my hand on his new man boob and, without thinking, left it there way too long. I realized that I was groping him and, in a panic, did the only thing I could think of. I patted it. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17938

You deserved it

54343

Tweet

Share

By Lunab123 - United States - Potomac

Today, I had food poisoning and woke up early in the morning to vomit. My mom emailed all of my teachers saying that I would be late to school because of "morning sickness". Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33796

You deserved it

2547

Tweet

Share

By nutrigrain123 - United States

Today, I was driving in my car with my daughter, who was eating a nutri-grain bar. After a while she holds out her hand saying, "It's on my finger! I don't wanna eat it!" I pick up the little piece of nutri-grain filling and put it in my mouth, only to realize it was a large booger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45480

You deserved it

27507

Tweet

Share

By continuouslyaddingdebt

Today, in an attempt to keep my valuables safe, I snatched my PlayStation 4 controller from the hands of my 4-year-old nephew. Not knowing that it was connected, I ultimately yanked the PlayStation and the HD Flatscreen flat on their faces. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4055

You deserved it

7704

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/11/2020 09:04 - Rwanda - Kigali

Freshman blues

Today, I found out there’s a university email platform I never knew about. I’m a freshman and I’ve been using my personal email to communicate with the lecturers. Now I’ve got a pile of assignments to do and most of them are overdue. FML

I agree, your life sucks

402

You deserved it

1150

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Mongolia

Today, I spoke to my dad for the first time in over a year. I've been volunteering in Mongolia, I have no running water, freeze my ass off everyday and communication with anyone who speaks English is scarce. One of the first things my father said to me was, "out of sight, out of mind." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36398

You deserved it

3691

Tweet

Share

By madi - United States

Today, I woke up with my eye swollen half shut. To spare the embarrassment, I asked my mom if I could stay home from school. She said no, but also attempted to make me feel better by saying that with my eye, my acne was unnoticeable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34694

You deserved it

3137

Tweet

Share

By rewarded - India

Today, for the second time in 5 months I was recognized for my hard work, sincerity and all the adjectives that they use to describe good employees. What was my reward? A piece of chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26441

You deserved it

4602

Tweet

Share

By MikeIsMaster - South Africa

Today, I invited my boss for supper as we get on pretty well. Everything was going well, until my German Shepherd bit him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25058

You deserved it

5165

Tweet

Share

By TronCat8230

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time, and from what I'd heard he's super strict and uptight. I go in for the firm handshake after introducing myself while looking him in the eyes and I accidentally grabbed his junk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4978

You deserved it

2107

Tweet

Share

By Eww - United States - Salem

Today, a girl puked on me. No warnings, nothing. She just threw up on me, then walked off like nothing even happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43925

You deserved it

3128

Tweet

Share

By Mangler - Belgium

Today, my grandfather died. The last thing he said to me was "You smell awful." I work in a fish store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47114

You deserved it

5243

Tweet

Share

By empress gleskizor the third of glarkon - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I was eating an onion bagel and bit down on something hard. At first I thought was a really hard piece of onion. The "onion" turned out to be a tooth, and it wasn't one of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23447

You deserved it

1296

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, the neighbors' kid got a new airhorn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1932

You deserved it

77

Tweet

Share

By Cherrish it - United States - Carmichael

Today, a girl told me she stopped eating cherries ever since her father choked on one when she was a kid. She later mentioned that she doesn't like to drive. I sarcastically asked, "Did your dad choke on a car too?" Nope, her two brothers died in a car accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10571

You deserved it

58669

Tweet

Share

By whyme_ss - United States

Today, I went on a rollercoaster for the first time. I sat in the back, which was a bad idea. When it ended everyone in front of me turned around and stared. When I asked my friend what was going on, she said I had been screaming the Lord's Prayer the whole time. I hadn't even noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40517

You deserved it

26877

Tweet

Share

By Nightshade823 - United States

Today, I finally lost my virginity. I also found out the side effects of my antidepressants: It's hard for me to get it up, and I can't orgasm. When I finally got it up, I went so long, it ended with her saying, "Yeah, you should stop now, I'm numb." FML

I agree, your life sucks

13224

You deserved it

1091

Tweet

Share

By need2eat - United States

Today, I saw my parents for the first time in 11 weeks. They commented on how much weight I lost. I told how due to stress, I hadn't been able to eat anything for the past two weeks and I was basically unintentionally starving myself. They told me to keep it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54738

You deserved it

5568

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I waited in the pouring rain for my wife to come pick me up from work. It was only after I was thoroughly drenched that I remembered it was my wife's day off, and that I drove myself to work earlier in her car, which was parked fifty feet from where I was waiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40433

You deserved it

44762

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I accidentally covfefe

I agree, your life sucks

2824

You deserved it

1550

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By tounces7 | 27

#7970266 - Tuesday 9 February 2021 1:39

Or maybe he DOES recognize his own family....which would be way worse.

By RichardPencil | 29

#7970264 - Tuesday 9 February 2021 1:26

I take it he's not attractive.

Otherwise, you'd be getting busy getting into his will.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 29

#7970264 - Tuesday 9 February 2021 1:26

I take it he's not attractive.

Otherwise, you'd be getting busy getting into his will.

Reply

Aarron Gravlee | 2

#7970277 - Tuesday 9 February 2021 2:12

thats fuckin gold. I bout spit my drink out

By tounces7 | 27

#7970266 - Tuesday 9 February 2021 1:39

Or maybe he DOES recognize his own family....which would be way worse.

By Anzubar | 5

#7970302 - Tuesday 9 February 2021 5:49

It could be worse, he could have mistaken you for one of your cousins.

By Decipherme | 10

#7971068 - Friday 12 February 2021 1:43

Oh the more awkward thought is - that he did 😳