Today, I overheard my uncle talking about me to his friends. Nothing serious, just that he'd fuck me senseless if we weren't related. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my step-brother said to me, "If we weren't related I would fuck you so hard." Mom says I should "be grateful for such a nice compliment." FML
Today, I found out that I'm the creepy uncle of the family. FML
Today, I overheard my in-laws talking about me. It started off with light insults and ended with, "People like her are the reason murder ain't always wrong". FML
Today, I was having lunch with a friend when I went on a rant about how much I really dislike my boss, ranting about all his annoying habits. After a long tirade, my friend looked at me awkwardly and said, "You do realize he's my uncle, right?" FML
Today, I was at the gym, when I saw my uncle at the front desk. I quietly went up behind him and slapped him hard on the back while yelling "What's up, loser?!" He turned around. It wasn't my uncle. FML
Today, my sister’s son, who adores me, started calling me, “my funny uncle.” I was later informed this is also a euphemism for an uncle who molested you. I didn't know, and now he won’t stop saying it. FML
Today, a guy tried to seduce me by talking about incest. FML
Today, I visited my Grandma's house, and my uncle happened to be there. As expected, and all the time, he greeted with his signature shit-eating, "I see what you did there" face. He's been doing that to me ever since he saw me masturbating when I was a little kid. I'm 47, married, and have 2 kids now. FML
Today, I found out that my uncle, who is still married to my aunt, is trying to seduce my mom. FML
Today, I was walking home from the store when I saw my uncle. I went over and gave him a surprise hug. He grabbed my ass. He wasn't really my uncle. FML
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Top comments
shippingboat 8
That's equal parts disgusting and terrifying.
Axelerate 23
You definitely want to follow the buddy system when you're around him
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Comments (168)
iiTzNeeNerz 26
What the actual ****. That's not something you take lightly. I'm sorry that you're related to that poor excuse of a man. The nerve of your uncle to say that... I'd be careful around him. Stay safe, OP.
thejonac 21
i'm just saying you might wanna keep a few friends around you during family reunions
Unikorni 3
Yeah, him being around teenaged girls who are not related to him sounds like a sensible idea in this case...
K_kanaka 26
What that taste in my mouth? Oh my lunch...that's ****** disgusting!
pansar 6
what?
ChoolyBooly 32
#75 He was talking about how he puked a bit in his mouth. That was how disgusting he found OP's situation.
Witchylady 18
I am so disgusted. I wouldn't trust being in a room alone with your uncle ever again. Especially if he was drunk.
prostar9993 15
At least you have a backup plan....
candygirl2015 12
Oh my goodness. Sorry OP. Is he hot btw? ;)
gearhead369 20
There isn't a funny thing about this. I'm sorry your uncle is an ass, OP
candygirl2015 12
Oh my goodness, I'm sorry OP. Is he hot btw? Haha, someone hates me huh?
allplayedout 20
Is there anyone else in your family you can tell this to who could confront him for you?
91hayek 31
Watch out. Drunk words may be sober thoughts, but so are drunk actions. When he gets on the sauce, gtfo.