Inappropriate

Today, my step-brother said to me, "If we weren't related I would fuck you so hard." Mom says I should "be grateful for such a nice compliment." FML

Today, I found out that I'm the creepy uncle of the family. FML

Today, I overheard my in-laws talking about me. It started off with light insults and ended with, "People like her are the reason murder ain't always wrong". FML

Oh yeah, wait what…?

Today, I was having lunch with a friend when I went on a rant about how much I really dislike my boss, ranting about all his annoying habits. After a long tirade, my friend looked at me awkwardly and said, "You do realize he's my uncle, right?" FML

Today, I was at the gym, when I saw my uncle at the front desk. I quietly went up behind him and slapped him hard on the back while yelling "What's up, loser?!" He turned around. It wasn't my uncle. FML

With military bearing

Today, my sister’s son, who adores me, started calling me, “my funny uncle.” I was later informed this is also a euphemism for an uncle who molested you. I didn't know, and now he won’t stop saying it. FML

Great conversation starter

Today, a guy tried to seduce me by talking about incest. FML

The long game

Today, I visited my Grandma's house, and my uncle happened to be there. As expected, and all the time, he greeted with his signature shit-eating, "I see what you did there" face. He's been doing that to me ever since he saw me masturbating when I was a little kid. I'm 47, married, and have 2 kids now. FML

Family matters

Today, I found out that my uncle, who is still married to my aunt, is trying to seduce my mom. FML

Today, I was walking home from the store when I saw my uncle. I went over and gave him a surprise hug. He grabbed my ass. He wasn't really my uncle. FML