Health, Family and Religion: Wingnuts

Wingnuts

By Anonymous - 22/06/2022 10:00

Today, thanks to an electric shock, I technically died for about 50 seconds until my coworker managed to restart my heart. Now my deeply religious aunt and uncle pester me constantly, demanding to know if I met God or saw a white light, or the fires of hell. They’re absolutely fucking relentless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 928

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Same thing different taste

Zapped

By Anonymous - 04/09/2022 17:00

Today, I got electrocuted at work. The boss thinks I'm faking, even though a chunk of my left hand is gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 323

You deserved it 94

By Burnt - 11/05/2011 01:21 - United States

Today, while changing a light bulb, I was electrocuted. I screamed before I blacked out. My entire family was home and heard me scream, but didn't come and check because they were too busy watching Glee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 702

You deserved it 7 561

Towards the light

By Sure grandma, let's get you to bed - 15/10/2022 07:00 - United States

Today, my grandma miraculously survived a bout with pneumonia. She keeps saying, 'The Lord spoke to her' while she was comatose. While comatose, she had to be physically restrained because she would unconsciously mess with the medical equipment, and when she woke up, she was completely delirious. Yeah, no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 136

Am I being Punk'd?

By Anonymous - 05/06/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I was told by a doctor that I have a fatal disease, and that I should start making preparations for when I pass away. Then, another doctor showed up, panicking, and said that was meant for someone else with the same first name as me. The mini-heart attack I had at that moment almost killed me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 618

You deserved it 88

Occam's razor

By Anonymous - 23/05/2023 15:00

Today, I had a seizure, and as they were loading me into the ambulance, drooling on myself, I clearly heard my mother ask the ambulance crew if they’d mind swinging by the church on the way to the hospital, you know, in case it turns out I’m not sick, just possessed by the devil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 90

By Anonymous - 30/04/2016 06:20 - Australia

Today, I briefly had the coolest boss in the world. He stormed over to a nasty customer who was giving me hell, and he absolutely laid into her. It lasted about 10 seconds before he collapsed from a major heart attack. A coworker's already blamed me for not pacifying the customer in the first place and causing all this to happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 683

You deserved it 1 012

People's mad beliefs

By Anonymous - 25/04/2022 08:00 - Australia

Today, my fanatical Christian stepfather told me that my genetic illness is a result of demon possession, and that I'd be cured if I allow his church to perform a "healing prayer demon expulsion" on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 159

You deserved it 99

Classic blunder

By churchman - 28/06/2021 00:01 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I serve at church and had a funeral. As I greeted the family, someone asked how I was doing. Without thought, I responded, "Good to be alive." FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 788

By fudgydiaper22 - 30/01/2011 00:28 - United States

Today, my dad attempted to fix a power outlet. He managed to shock himself with 120 volts and fall backwards, landing on top of me. I am 85 pounds and he weighs 290 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 145

You deserved it 5 145

AAARGH

By lanu - 13/03/2012 16:13 - United States

Today, I woke up sweating and gasping for air after having a terrible nightmare. The nightmare involved my deceased mother-in-law bitching me out for being a bad influence on her daughter and threatening to cut my nuts off. Even in death, she won't leave me be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 186

You deserved it 2 587

BurnInDemonFire 34

Wednesday 22 June 2022 11:38

"Okay, fine... I saw God... he said you both need to undertake 10 years of missionary work in the Middle East. Like right now."

Plop 17

Wednesday 22 June 2022 11:10

"I saw nothing. Your imaginary fairy friend doesn't exist." Think what you want of religious beliefs, but relentless morons ought to be shut up definitely.

Comments

Plop 17

Wednesday 22 June 2022 11:10

"I saw nothing. Your imaginary fairy friend doesn't exist." Think what you want of religious beliefs, but relentless morons ought to be shut up definitely.

BurnInDemonFire 34

Wednesday 22 June 2022 11:38

"Okay, fine... I saw God... he said you both need to undertake 10 years of missionary work in the Middle East. Like right now."

Plop 17

Wednesday 22 June 2022 13:15

Only missionary? I know they're religious nutjobs, but that got to get boring after a while even for those.

Earl_KarmasBitch 34

Wednesday 22 June 2022 15:47

Tell them you met Buddha.

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 22 June 2022 15:54

Tell them you saw Charles Darwin who told you evolution is the truth and any other creation story is bullshit.

IHaveThePower 16

Wednesday 22 June 2022 22:41

"Yes, and God said to love everyone as you love yourself." Should provide endless hours of entertainment.

tiptoppc 19

Thursday 23 June 2022 15:52

Milk it and tell them if they each pay you $500, you’ll put in a good word to God for them. Then go give the money to a real effin charity which doesn’t involve kids on the crotch.