Today, I overheard my uncle talking about me to his friends. Nothing serious, just that he'd fuck me senseless if we weren't related. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my step-brother said to me, "If we weren't related I would fuck you so hard." Mom says I should "be grateful for such a nice compliment." FML
Today, I found out that I'm the creepy uncle of the family. FML
Today, I overheard my in-laws talking about me. It started off with light insults and ended with, "People like her are the reason murder ain't always wrong". FML
Today, I was having lunch with a friend when I went on a rant about how much I really dislike my boss, ranting about all his annoying habits. After a long tirade, my friend looked at me awkwardly and said, "You do realize he's my uncle, right?" FML
Today, I was at the gym, when I saw my uncle at the front desk. I quietly went up behind him and slapped him hard on the back while yelling "What's up, loser?!" He turned around. It wasn't my uncle. FML
Today, my sister’s son, who adores me, started calling me, “my funny uncle.” I was later informed this is also a euphemism for an uncle who molested you. I didn't know, and now he won’t stop saying it. FML
Today, a guy tried to seduce me by talking about incest. FML
Today, I visited my Grandma's house, and my uncle happened to be there. As expected, and all the time, he greeted with his signature shit-eating, "I see what you did there" face. He's been doing that to me ever since he saw me masturbating when I was a little kid. I'm 47, married, and have 2 kids now. FML
Today, I found out that my uncle, who is still married to my aunt, is trying to seduce my mom. FML
Today, I was walking home from the store when I saw my uncle. I went over and gave him a surprise hug. He grabbed my ass. He wasn't really my uncle. FML
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Top comments
shippingboat 8
That's equal parts disgusting and terrifying.
Axelerate 23
You definitely want to follow the buddy system when you're around him
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Comments (168)
Emz1307 8
Eww no!!
Neekovolwf 22
That sucks OP, try carrying something like pepper spray on you from now on
ChoolyBooly 32
I would definitely carry pepper spray as well or a taser. Perhaps getting both wouldn't be a bad idea either. Oh and inform your parents of the conversation you overheard. That way you have more people looking out for you and making sure your Uncle doesn't try anything.
Aimeejasmine 15
Lipstick tasers are a thing now, get one of those too
starfishstealth 4
Family reunions, am I right?
starfishstealth 4
My aunt felt up my arm during a game of Taboo. I didn't appreciate it, nor the irony.
igg125 30
And he just lost all respect from you.
saffy66 34
Wanna know what's really messed up? That's actually legal here in Australia... I know, I was horrified too when I found out :(
Aspen_Grace33 27
That is some seriously messed up shit. This is mostly definitely a fyl!!!
jennaclaire13 22
there's something seriously wrong with him if he's even thinking about doing stuff like that with family
mollyxrose 22
Truly vile. Stay as far away from him as you can OP.
fader48080 10
Looks like someone has a secret admirer.
ontheFLY4 25
Had... It's obviously not very much a secret anymore.