Today, I overheard my uncle talking about me to his friends. Nothing serious, just that he'd fuck me senseless if we weren't related. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my step-brother said to me, "If we weren't related I would fuck you so hard." Mom says I should "be grateful for such a nice compliment." FML
Today, I found out that I'm the creepy uncle of the family. FML
Today, I overheard my in-laws talking about me. It started off with light insults and ended with, "People like her are the reason murder ain't always wrong". FML
Today, I was having lunch with a friend when I went on a rant about how much I really dislike my boss, ranting about all his annoying habits. After a long tirade, my friend looked at me awkwardly and said, "You do realize he's my uncle, right?" FML
Today, I was at the gym, when I saw my uncle at the front desk. I quietly went up behind him and slapped him hard on the back while yelling "What's up, loser?!" He turned around. It wasn't my uncle. FML
Today, my sister’s son, who adores me, started calling me, “my funny uncle.” I was later informed this is also a euphemism for an uncle who molested you. I didn't know, and now he won’t stop saying it. FML
Today, a guy tried to seduce me by talking about incest. FML
Today, I visited my Grandma's house, and my uncle happened to be there. As expected, and all the time, he greeted with his signature shit-eating, "I see what you did there" face. He's been doing that to me ever since he saw me masturbating when I was a little kid. I'm 47, married, and have 2 kids now. FML
Today, I found out that my uncle, who is still married to my aunt, is trying to seduce my mom. FML
Today, I was walking home from the store when I saw my uncle. I went over and gave him a surprise hug. He grabbed my ass. He wasn't really my uncle. FML
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Top comments
shippingboat 8
That's equal parts disgusting and terrifying.
Axelerate 23
You definitely want to follow the buddy system when you're around him
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Comments (168)
BoeingAirbus 4
Wincest? Where are the spiderman pictures?
1dvos_grl3 21
.. Awkward..
ApplePie1994 27
I'd say tell the police, but the police in this country can be tossers at times. Seriously, though, you should talk to a parent about that. That is creepy as ****.
dougschoonmaker 20
That's not even right
AstridMissle 12
Voting this the most disturbing fml today
TemperanceRiley 15
umm never be around him alone ever! especially if he is drunk!
ryebread94 9
my schizophrenic uncle who I haven't seen in 13 years tried to take me home with him when I moved back to my birth town...im five months pregnant. I know your pain.
Fmlreadermostly 20
Now THAT is where you practice the buddy system. That's more than a passing comment and really. If he gets worse, restraining order.
Fmlreadermostly 20
While it may be creepy, he may have meant it as a compliment. Some people just don't know how to explain things. Also, grow up all of you. I know those thoughts aren't right, and maybe we shouldn't share, but they happen. That's life. Pray for them and yourself and move on! Appreciate what you have.
Algorithm 24
"they happen. That's life." No, it's really ******* not. That's a creepy potential sexual predator with issues. Normal, healthy people do not think that about their nieces. If I say "your head is soo pretty, I'd like to shoot you like a deer and hang you on my wall", regardless of how I meant it, it's not complimentary. Same story.
qlortin_fml 7
Of course. Because everybody knows sex and murder are the same :)
imyourpoison 10
wtf... omfg I can't believe that!!!
Altrnate_Reality 14
Hope he wasn't a favorite uncle.