Today, my 6 year-old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop "pretending to be daddy" against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML
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Today, my 5 year-old daughter and I had the displeasure of walking in on my husband going down on another woman. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that it’s been 2 hours and my daughter won’t stop bawling, or the fact that my husband threw the biggest fit, because I “had to come home too early.” FML
Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious. FML
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Today, I walked in on my daughter making out with a piece of paper with someone from the cast of IT taped to her pillow. FML
Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML
Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3 year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML
Today, I told my five year-old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML
Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work, daddy has his wrestling buddy Melinda over. She also said that they wrestle on the bed so that they won't get hurt. FML
Today, my wife and I got frisky in the living room, completely forgetting we recently gave our adult daughter access to our home security cameras for safety reasons. The cameras didn’t see anything but she now keeps making fun of my orgasm noises, which apparently she found hilarious. FML
Today, my 3-year-old girl accidentally caught sight of me stepping out of the shower. Now she thinks "daddy has a tail" and she just has to let everyone know about it. FML
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Top comments
EmbalmingTheatre 0
O my god, **** your life indeed, how are you going to explain that to your guests. It's kind of funny, though *giggles*
24788 6
What the ****? **** your life? What about your childs life who had to witness that. She's probably to young to realize what it really was, but man I'd have to cut out my eyes if that happened to me.
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Comments (205)
redbluegreen 40
Oh dear. I suggest you invest in some locks for your bedroom and try to have a talk with your daughter. I can't imagine you trying to explain to your guests about your daughter if she does it in front of them. This reminds me of another FML where the girl's mother starts telling her boyfriend about when she was in kindergarten, she'd pleasure herself in class and the mom was asked to watch her during school to try and get her to stop. I'm wondering why she was trying to be daddy instead of mommy though...
astarwarsfan 0
how would you be mommy with inanimate objects?
csigabajnok 0
#4 I couldn't have said it better myself :)
Cheatx 0
This sounds like my Spanish teacher way back in middle school. Every time she would talk to us, she would go up to one of the desks in the front, and lean in on the corner. Everyone was so scared when we had seating rearrangements...
b182link 0
wtf that's messed up
onigiriqueen 0
You should really work on locking your door...
BenignScientists 0
#4 +1 On an entirely different note, your daughther doing this would make one hell of a youtube funny vid! (but don't! seriously don't)
Jaywin 3
Tell your daughter to hit me up in 12 years. She sounds like a freaky chick.
besties06 0
wow. how old are you dude?
markssh 0
#5 - are you somehow implying that she is scarred for life for simply seeing her parents have sex accidentally and just once? She's 6. If they're good parents, they'll explain to her in terms she can understand.
jesu1399 0
On a grammatical point, in this instance it is correct to say, 'my six year old daughter walked in on my husband and ME having sex.' A good way of telling when to use 'me' and when to use 'I' is to try forming the sentence in the singular and seeing which one sounds right. In this instance saying, 'my six year old daughter walked in on I having sex' sounds very odd. For me the transmission of hyper-correct grammar to your daughter is likely to be the primary trauma she suffers from this incident ;)
skigirl98 9
Umm.. What?
aback 4
And hey--look on the bright side--at least you weren't doing something really perverted.
brand125 17
............................. and sex isnt?
Demon_Squirtle 0
I haven't said this in a while... ...now THIS is a FML! =D Oh yeah good luck trying to calm down Banger McGee before your guests come, because that would be *****-ible (see what I did thar, no?). Good luck!