Today, my 6 year-old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop "pretending to be daddy" against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
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Today, my 5 year-old daughter and I had the displeasure of walking in on my husband going down on another woman. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that it’s been 2 hours and my daughter won’t stop bawling, or the fact that my husband threw the biggest fit, because I “had to come home too early.” FML
Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious. FML
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Today, I walked in on my daughter making out with a piece of paper with someone from the cast of IT taped to her pillow. FML
Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML
Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3 year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML
Today, I told my five year-old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML
Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work, daddy has his wrestling buddy Melinda over. She also said that they wrestle on the bed so that they won't get hurt. FML
Today, my wife and I got frisky in the living room, completely forgetting we recently gave our adult daughter access to our home security cameras for safety reasons. The cameras didn’t see anything but she now keeps making fun of my orgasm noises, which apparently she found hilarious. FML
Today, my 3-year-old girl accidentally caught sight of me stepping out of the shower. Now she thinks "daddy has a tail" and she just has to let everyone know about it. FML
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Top comments
EmbalmingTheatre 0
O my god, **** your life indeed, how are you going to explain that to your guests. It's kind of funny, though *giggles*
24788 6
What the ****? **** your life? What about your childs life who had to witness that. She's probably to young to realize what it really was, but man I'd have to cut out my eyes if that happened to me.
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Comments (205)
rwarlol 0
when she turns 18 call me.
miranda_panda 0
#68, that is a brilliant idea. #93, if you clicked both, it'd have the same effect if you clicked neither one. And OP, all I can say is, thank the lord she wasn't older. LOL!
space_game 0
Well hey, look at it this way: The first time I read it I thought it said "I walked in on my six year old daughter and my husband having sex." So there's that.
JRSpaniel 0
@7 Why don't you have a seat right over there...
brkn_hearted 0
#22, i doubt you'd be traumatized at that young of an age, chances are you wouldn't know what the **** was going on and you were just merely imitating actions, but as far as the OP... LOCK YOUR DAMN DOOR! how hard is it to do?
PrettyVal 0
@#4 - uhm...who grounds a 6 year old for that? They need to lock their door. A 6 year old is not responsible for what happened. She was looking for her parents. At the OP, lock your doors during sex and possibly don't do it when your daughter is up and roaming? And as for the rest, have a stern talk with her and if she doesn't stop, punish her. Take something she loves away for a day or two. Tell her you will first and then if she keeps going actually follow through and do it. Locking a child in their room is not appropriate. Times out are fine, but LOCKING the door...no. That was to everyone else who said that not you. It's sad that I am 20 and have no kids and know how to handle them better than most anyone else commenting here.
PrettyVal 0
On another note, at #18 - okay WOW a bit overboard much? I am huge on grammar but really do you have to get that jerkish about it? Everyone makes grammatical mistakes. Deal.
sorakirei 0
How often must it be said? Lock your door! If you don't have a lock use a chair.
kksoccer22 0
wow lock u r door or send her to a friends house! i feel bad for the little girl i would b scared for life but yhea fyl i think u will have ot have alittle talk with her asap!!
heyohhh 0
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA