Today, my 6 year-old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop "pretending to be daddy" against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
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Today, my 5 year-old daughter and I had the displeasure of walking in on my husband going down on another woman. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that it’s been 2 hours and my daughter won’t stop bawling, or the fact that my husband threw the biggest fit, because I “had to come home too early.” FML
Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious. FML
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Today, I walked in on my daughter making out with a piece of paper with someone from the cast of IT taped to her pillow. FML
Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML
Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3 year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML
Today, I told my five year-old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML
Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work, daddy has his wrestling buddy Melinda over. She also said that they wrestle on the bed so that they won't get hurt. FML
Today, my wife and I got frisky in the living room, completely forgetting we recently gave our adult daughter access to our home security cameras for safety reasons. The cameras didn’t see anything but she now keeps making fun of my orgasm noises, which apparently she found hilarious. FML
Today, my 3-year-old girl accidentally caught sight of me stepping out of the shower. Now she thinks "daddy has a tail" and she just has to let everyone know about it. FML
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Top comments
EmbalmingTheatre 0
O my god, **** your life indeed, how are you going to explain that to your guests. It's kind of funny, though *giggles*
24788 6
What the ****? **** your life? What about your childs life who had to witness that. She's probably to young to realize what it really was, but man I'd have to cut out my eyes if that happened to me.
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Comments (205)
were_giraffe 2
How can that be a ydi? hey parents have sex... people who dislike that... um, get over it. :-)
whomajigi 0
At 6, they have the beginnings of the ability to listen to common sense. Talk to her about what she saw, don't be a parent who just doesn't bother.
Fanoodle 0
Threating you daughter and say " If you don't stop doing that, we will take all of toy away" or something like that...but then again if you do that she will probably still be "DADDY" against the furniture...
GoMeat4103 0
18. This isn't SAT prep. Therefore, nobody cares. Grammar isn't as important when you're being colloquial. Until people got uptight and annoying, grammar and spelling didn't matter. OP: tell her if she does that she can't have dessert. Bam.
Necrophile_fml 0
I could satisfy her so she wouldn't have to do it with the furnitures.
Luneth101 0
You ******* pedo, she's just six years old! Get a life, and a girlfriend your own age! Not that anyone would want to go out with you!
lazorzpewpew 0
That's hilarious! I couldn't imagine being one of those guest: "Excuse me, Miss, buuuut... what is your child doing?"
wildcherrybanana 2
lol. i feel bad for you. and your daughter, she'll find out someday, when she's fifteen or sixteen, she saw you and your husband having sex. she'll freak. but she'll be glad it was when she was younger. i never ever saw my parents doing that. and i'm sixteen. and glad as ****. good luck with her...xD
Luce_Goose 0
@ 47: ...Gross. and illegal. I walked in on mine... twice. Just happened to be coming home from school at the wrong time. I've been walked (broken) in on once, by a friend. With the door locked. Both cases, extremely awkward. Too funny for you though :)
BatgirlZKE 5
YDI LOCK THE GD DOOR
Lizzi_fml 10
That's pretty much your fault, YDI for not considering the possibility that if your daughter's in the house and awake, she could easily walk in. Good luck with your guests though ;)