Today, my 6 year-old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop "pretending to be daddy" against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
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Today, my 5 year-old daughter and I had the displeasure of walking in on my husband going down on another woman. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that it’s been 2 hours and my daughter won’t stop bawling, or the fact that my husband threw the biggest fit, because I “had to come home too early.” FML
Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious. FML
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Today, I walked in on my daughter making out with a piece of paper with someone from the cast of IT taped to her pillow. FML
Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML
Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3 year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML
Today, I told my five year-old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML
Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work, daddy has his wrestling buddy Melinda over. She also said that they wrestle on the bed so that they won't get hurt. FML
Today, my wife and I got frisky in the living room, completely forgetting we recently gave our adult daughter access to our home security cameras for safety reasons. The cameras didn’t see anything but she now keeps making fun of my orgasm noises, which apparently she found hilarious. FML
Today, my 3-year-old girl accidentally caught sight of me stepping out of the shower. Now she thinks "daddy has a tail" and she just has to let everyone know about it. FML
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Top comments
EmbalmingTheatre 0
O my god, **** your life indeed, how are you going to explain that to your guests. It's kind of funny, though *giggles*
24788 6
What the ****? **** your life? What about your childs life who had to witness that. She's probably to young to realize what it really was, but man I'd have to cut out my eyes if that happened to me.
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Comments (205)
idontgiveone 0
Ditto 63. and OP - YDI for not checking if your daughter is asleep or w/e Locks? No? oh and for ruining your daughter's childhood.
anicolelove 0
that's the funniest thing i've ever read in my life. but seriously, beat your child
mintfreshpinesol 0
hey #18, just shut up. nobody wants to hear about trivial grammatical mistakes, so stop. it's annoying. but this is a priceless FML!
who_rollerpig 4
give her something that may cause drowsiness so that she won't embarrass you XD
kaylaella 0
LMFAOOO
SweetheartAngel 0
You should lock your door from now on.
exile529 0
hahah, next time lock your door.
RIKANA 0
which is why you should do it a night, while she asleep. oh well...hope you can talk her in to stoping. RI
CSmiles88 0
@18, you are my new hero. Thought I was the only one that bothered @31, very well rationalized @46, Grammar and spelling have always been important. It's just that people have gotten LAZY and apathetic (there's an SAT word for you). I agree that it's not AS important when being colloquial, but still important nonetheless. OP: Sorry, but that's just hilarious!!
Rawrrr14 0
ok. -YDI, lock your doors when mommy and daddy are "wrestling" -wow, OP the way you worded that just made me have to laugh "pretending to be daddy" -Don't punish your child, she probably doesn't know any better. Hope everything turns out okay!