Today, my 6 year-old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop "pretending to be daddy" against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my 5 year-old daughter and I had the displeasure of walking in on my husband going down on another woman. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that it’s been 2 hours and my daughter won’t stop bawling, or the fact that my husband threw the biggest fit, because I “had to come home too early.” FML
Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious. FML
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Today, I walked in on my daughter making out with a piece of paper with someone from the cast of IT taped to her pillow. FML
Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML
Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3 year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML
Today, I told my five year-old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML
Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work, daddy has his wrestling buddy Melinda over. She also said that they wrestle on the bed so that they won't get hurt. FML
Today, my wife and I got frisky in the living room, completely forgetting we recently gave our adult daughter access to our home security cameras for safety reasons. The cameras didn’t see anything but she now keeps making fun of my orgasm noises, which apparently she found hilarious. FML
Today, my 3-year-old girl accidentally caught sight of me stepping out of the shower. Now she thinks "daddy has a tail" and she just has to let everyone know about it. FML
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Top comments
EmbalmingTheatre 0
O my god, **** your life indeed, how are you going to explain that to your guests. It's kind of funny, though *giggles*
24788 6
What the ****? **** your life? What about your childs life who had to witness that. She's probably to young to realize what it really was, but man I'd have to cut out my eyes if that happened to me.
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Comments (205)
melissasmile21 0
i dont see how people can say thats funny. why were you having sex with your door unlocked and your six year old daughter walking around?? thats just stupid and unthoughtful. YDI.
boreddoubletears 0
Not all bedroom doors have locks... The only rooms in my house that lock are the bathrooms.
TheAwkward0ne 0
oh my god, when I was 12 I walked in on mine... *shudders* but seriously. L.M.A.O. Haven't laughed so hard in ages X'D
likeduhhx4 0
that is pretty funny, but you should have locked your door..YDI for that one though..
coloredwax 0
Well, you might try, i dunno, DISCIPLINING your daughter for behaing inappropriately. The first time it's cute. When she won't stop, it's inappropriate and she should be punished.
besties06 0
She's 5. She doesn't know what she's doing or if she's doing anything wrong.
save_me_08 0
Hey, what if the happy couple and put their daughter down for nap and thought "she's sleep lets sex it up." While they're going at it, their daughter wakes up and decides she wants to play w/ mom and dad, only to discover they're...already playing...
iBou_fml 4
how about to lock the door next time?
ladywaldo 0
Lmafo!! That's unfortunate ~ but fortunately he wasn't eating you or anything that would be REALLY awkward for her to reenact!!! He he
ch_kisama 0
lock your door and lock her in her room
PTERONOPHOBIA 0
so tell her to stop, or else she's in trouble. not that difficult and if anyone comments after me going "ooommmgggg obviously youve never met a child in your life its impossible to get them to do anythiiiing," ...well that sucks for you guys who can't control your children. I take care of five and they don't go around humping shit.
jriley4u 17
I agree. The kid is old enough to understand the words stop it. She's probably doing it because the parents are making a huge deal out of it.
hk_fml 9
that is seriously unfortunate