Today, my 6 year-old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop "pretending to be daddy" against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
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Today, my 5 year-old daughter and I had the displeasure of walking in on my husband going down on another woman. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that it’s been 2 hours and my daughter won’t stop bawling, or the fact that my husband threw the biggest fit, because I “had to come home too early.” FML
Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious. FML
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Today, I walked in on my daughter making out with a piece of paper with someone from the cast of IT taped to her pillow. FML
Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML
Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3 year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML
Today, I told my five year-old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML
Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work, daddy has his wrestling buddy Melinda over. She also said that they wrestle on the bed so that they won't get hurt. FML
Today, my wife and I got frisky in the living room, completely forgetting we recently gave our adult daughter access to our home security cameras for safety reasons. The cameras didn’t see anything but she now keeps making fun of my orgasm noises, which apparently she found hilarious. FML
Today, my 3-year-old girl accidentally caught sight of me stepping out of the shower. Now she thinks "daddy has a tail" and she just has to let everyone know about it. FML
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Top comments
EmbalmingTheatre 0
O my god, **** your life indeed, how are you going to explain that to your guests. It's kind of funny, though *giggles*
24788 6
What the ****? **** your life? What about your childs life who had to witness that. She's probably to young to realize what it really was, but man I'd have to cut out my eyes if that happened to me.
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Comments (205)
andbreathe 0
ugh i walked in on my parents when i was around that age too.... the memory can't seem to go away, it's awful. but yes... i agree with #74, shit happens.
save_me_08 0
Am I the only one that sees another result from adding pain to pleasure besides her thinking pleasure is bad?
jesu1399 0
@46 @66 I'm not too bothered about bad grammar, but using 'I' in this way is something that people often do (and, incidentally, try to get other people to do) because they think that it's good grammar, so I thought I'd point out that actually technically it's not. Just trying to give something back to the internet that's given me so much over the years. Sorry if I annoyed you - of course it's your language just as much as mine and you can speak it and type it as you like!
MissMichaela_ 0
lmao.
kellster 2
It's like no one who uses this site knows what a lock is, or how to install or use one. Lock your door!!!!!!!!!! End of FML! In the meantime, your daughter is certainly old enough to understand that some things are not socially appropriate or acceptable. Have you explained this to her? If not, I would suggest punishing her if it doesn't stop - that's not okay!
coolcat624 0
um, so i walked in on my parents when i was 6 without them knowing and i just left the room. i had no idea what happened, but when i got the birds and the bees talk a few years later it traumatized me..
ssnickel 0
#36, she's six years old. She SHOULDN'T know at that age that sexual behavior in public is inappropriate... she doesn't even know what sex is. You can't punish a child for doing something that she's too young to understand yet, ESPECIALLY if she just saw her parents doing it. It's not the little girl's fault at all.
pernicious_pink 12
LOL! *cringe* LMAO! Consider this is as blackmail for the future! Haha!
CherryKillsAgain 0
Shame on you!!! Why r u having sex when u know u have a kid walking around the house... I caught my parents doing it when i was 8 ( they locked the door but i was a master lock picker), and i still remember what i saw!!! Poor girl...
ohhboyy 0
#4 ground a 6year old? take her cell away