By foreveralone - 23/06/2013 14:42 - United States
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Honestly, I don't blame her. How rude and lame to leave that crap on a pillow next to her head. If she's not worth a real proposal to you (take a day off, or wait until you have a day off, shit wake her up in the middle of the night if you never have a day off!) why the hell would she want to spend the rest of her life with you?
42, you're just a peach when it comes to romantic gestures, aren't you? I'm apalled that, with all the feminist movements lately, guys can't do things differently. They're expected to still abide by old traditions. I'm not trying to troll here by any means, but you ladies have come so far in the last fifty years, why can't we progress? Why do things have to be done the same old, boring, humdrum way? Anyone feel free to correct me if I'm off track here, but I think proposals that set themselves apart from other, "real" proposals are something to be treasured.
Clearly this has nothing to do with how my guy here proposed, its more clearly to do with his ex-girlfriends fear of commitment and not wanting to settle down. If anything it was pretty cool on his part and has absolute NIL to do with feminism and how to propose, I just feel sorry for the dude, a long term thing just went to nothing without caution. KCCO OP.
Honestly, 69, I agree. I never officially "proposed" to my fiancée, we just talked about it, and realized it was going to happen. I'm still going to have an awesome event for when I actually give her the ring, but she already knows it's coming, just not how. And 67, yeah, it's not about feminism, I was just making a comparison about a double standard that I feel exists. I'm not trying to start a flame war, arguing with people over the internet is pretty pointless. I was just trying to use it as an example. Sorry if it was taken the wrong way...
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78, it's one thing if a woman's expecting a ring, but it does puzzle me that two people can't just decide they're going to get married, set a date, and be done with it. Then again, my friends had to stop dragging me to romantic comedies because I was always the one yelling comments at the screen like, "You're gonna get divorced in six months!" Clearly I'm not a good person to ask for romantic advice.
I personally wouldn't want to be proposed to like that - I'd infinitely prefer something face to face. However, her just up and leaving like that was a bit off, it sounds like she has serious commitment issues. I'd suggest talking to her if possible to find out why she reacted the way she did, as it may be something you can both work through. If not - hey, at least you tried!
Yep all them feminists are going to be going off at this but here is a bit they should understand but probably won't. if they would stay home like they should do unemployment would be down America would still be a super power and children would be better behaved. History is proof of that. Just look back a few decades ago and you'll see what I mean. And we wouldn't be trying to change other countries way of dealing with their women. Nuff said. Now lets hear it.
Something tells me you didn't talk it over with her. Imo, a proposal shouldn't come as a complete surprise.
I agree with Allie2590, a proposal shouldn't be a complete surprise. I suppose everyone is different, but I can't imagine being in a relationship where we hadn't talked about where we wanted the relationship to go. Two years is plenty of time to have discussed what you want out of the relationship! Having said that, OP's (ex?) girlfriend could have thought she wanted marriage, but been surprisingly overwhelmed and uncomfortable with it once it was actually on the table.
I'm half and half on this one. I think they should have spoken about marriage as in both said they want it but it can still be a surprise. Honestly, my boyfriend knows I want to marry him and he wants to marry me but if he proposed to me now it would 100% be a surprise as I'm not expecting it for at least another two or three years!
I agree. You have to make sure you are both ready before you pop such a big question. Also, OP should have asked in person, because there is a lot more respect shown that way. I'm truly sorry that she left, but she probably just got really scared from you suddenly wanting a huge commitment without talking it over first. Hopefully you can contact her and talk things over.
Atleast you won't be wasting your time with her anymore....? Still, FYL.
I guess a more polite, "I don't think we are working out," is too much nowadays. Let alone after a nice way of proposing.
That's what I'm thinking...a proposal should be done in person. It would have more meaning...but then again my ex proposed by asking "how would you feel if I told you I didn't want to be boyfriend and girlfriend anymore?" Memorable sure, for a different reason.
If, after two years of happily living together girl breaks up/runs away just because the dude that bought her a ring could not propose in person for some reason, she has issues and might not be worth marrying. No wonder some people prefer to live together without marrying. Just think about it. 1 mistake against 730 days spent together. If for her that was more important than entire time they spent together, OP will be better off finding another girl.
9- I'm surprised you were the first to mention the absentee proposal. While, I wouldn't have packed and left, I would have been pissed that such a pivotal moment in my life wasn't up close and personal. Next to the wedding, I'd say that the proposal would be the happiest moment in any woman's life.
76 - That's a bit ridiculous. A proposal/engagement is one of the biggest moments in someone's life, especially a girl's. If OP can't be man enough to do it in person, maybe HE'S not worth marrying in her eyes. I mean really, he leaves a ring for her to find whenever she wakes up? That's about the least romantic you can get. While I agree that the way she left was a bit rude, she has every right to leave him for proposing this way. I for one would be VERY angry if someone I was with for 2 years proposed to me this way.
132 i disagree. as a woman and a married one at that i can state that proposals and engagements mean nothing. all you are doing is living life as before but with a ring on and a shitload of organising to do for a marriage which also means nothing in the grand scheme of things.
76 - It says 2 years since the MET, not since they moved in together. We don't know how long they've been living together, it could be over a year or less than a month. And the fact that he couldn't make 20 minutes that day to propose in person doesn't make him seem like a good husband. Who would want to marry a man who is never around?
132, This kind of naive/overly romantic thinking implies that if proposal itself is more important than a partner, so if a random stranger proposes to a girl in extremely grandiose way, she will definitely say yes (by your logic, anyway). There is no "happily ever after". After marriage there's still 50% chance that the couple will divorce, so marriage/proposal itself is not an end, but a beginning of a long road where couple are supposed to support, understand, tolerate and deal with each other every day. Everyone messes up once in a while, and if the girl can't forgive one slip-up, their marriage won't last. Ring costs a lot (USA has a fine tradition of presenting ridiculously expensive diamond ring, and it is a gamble), and if a guy proposes, then I'd expect he is ready to pay for the part of wedding as well. If a woman doesn't get it, then perhaps she'll be better off waiting for some kind of "prince" forever.