Today, my 6 year-old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop "pretending to be daddy" against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
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Today, my 5 year-old daughter and I had the displeasure of walking in on my husband going down on another woman. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that it’s been 2 hours and my daughter won’t stop bawling, or the fact that my husband threw the biggest fit, because I “had to come home too early.” FML
Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious. FML
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Today, I walked in on my daughter making out with a piece of paper with someone from the cast of IT taped to her pillow. FML
Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML
Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3 year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML
Today, I told my five year-old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML
Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work, daddy has his wrestling buddy Melinda over. She also said that they wrestle on the bed so that they won't get hurt. FML
Today, my wife and I got frisky in the living room, completely forgetting we recently gave our adult daughter access to our home security cameras for safety reasons. The cameras didn’t see anything but she now keeps making fun of my orgasm noises, which apparently she found hilarious. FML
Today, my 3-year-old girl accidentally caught sight of me stepping out of the shower. Now she thinks "daddy has a tail" and she just has to let everyone know about it. FML
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Top comments
EmbalmingTheatre 0
O my god, **** your life indeed, how are you going to explain that to your guests. It's kind of funny, though *giggles*
24788 6
What the ****? **** your life? What about your childs life who had to witness that. She's probably to young to realize what it really was, but man I'd have to cut out my eyes if that happened to me.
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Comments (205)
patray_angel 0
If you have a lock on your door, you now know you need to use it. If you don't have a lock, you now know you need to invest in one. I would also hope that you were not having sex while your daughter was awake and in the house. Although, if this is the case, not only do you deserve it, but I would also hope that someone was also in the house to keep an eye on her, although, if she walked in on you, then there was either no one or they weren't keeping a very good eye on her. If she was down for a nap or for the night, then at least that would be a little more understandable.
Tehalon 0
YDI, lock your room!
jasey_rae 0
well, use a lock. I was 4 when I walked in on my parents and I don't think I realized this until I was probably 14. and as horrifying as it was to realize, I'm just fine now. but if you want her to stop humping everything she sees, then punish her when she does it. it's not that hard, geez.
MiSzOhSoFr3Sh 0
we've Learned Our LessOn here. haven't we. Oh && by the way. if I waS qOnna be One Of yOur queStS && saw yOur daughter humpinq everything in sight, i'd Laugh, she dOeSnt knOw any better. ya knO.
squeaksx24 0
Theres this great invention called a lock. Maybe use it next time? Also, I reeeeeeeeeeeeeallllly hope you weren't having sex when your daughter was awake. Please tell me that she was supposed to be asleep and just woke up. No matter what, YDI.
SarlaccBits 0
Holy crap people - lock doors! Kids dont need to see that. What the hell is wrong with you.
MURPHYCHACHO 5
YDI. Next time LOCK THE DOOR, you idiot.
circayouandme 0
Great parenting
rukusrazor 0
So your kid pisses on the furniture? or How do you give an sideboard a rusty trombone?
DncrHap 9
Uhm, to all who are saying that punishing the daughter is a good idea: it isn't. In fact, punishing the daughter would probably be the worst idea ever! The poor girl will grow up believing pleasure is bad, and trust me, it will completely screw her up. Just gently tell her that what she's doing is okay, but she has to do it privately. Easy peasy.