Today, a stripper came into my work to get some posters copied. She asked if she could pay in small bills. I just touched $50 that have probably rubbed up against a stripper's twat. FML
Collection
College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I went to the bank to deposit the cash I made waiting tables. While the teller was counting, I apologized for having so many small bills. She said "It's OK honey, I helped another one of your kind just the other day. You're lucky we take your dirty money." She thought I was a stripper. FML
Today, I went to the bank to deposit the cash I made waiting tables. While the teller was counting, I apologized for having so many small bills and she said "It's OK honey, I helped another one of your kind just the other day. You're lucky we take your dirty money." She thought I was a stripper. FML
Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML
Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML
Today, my cousin and his fiancée took me to my first strip club experience. One of the strippers came over and danced for me. She pulled her thong string out and I tried to place the dollar in it with my mouth. I missed, to which she said "Put it in there, retard." FML
Today, I won $200 a contest at a bar. The manager took me to a vault where money collected from the strippers go into a pool. He told me that at least half of the bills were slid through a strippers butt crack so I was to "choose wisely". FML
Today, I was running the register at my work and this big lady pulls her wad of cash out of her bra and hands it to me. The bills she handed me were moist. FML
Today, a lady came into my workplace to pay her $120 bill in one dollar bills. I kept losing count. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping. Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips. As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, "You probably think I'm a stripper or something." He looked me up and down and said, "Uh... hell no." FML
Today, my friends took me to a strip club for my 25th birthday. I went onstage with 5 dollars in my mouth to tip the dancer. She then took off my belt and pants and spanked me 25 times with the buckle end of the belt. I paid a stripper 5 dollars to whoop my ass. FML
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Top comments
Kayokku 1
That's the best kind of $50.
Grimmerie 31
lesbians exist.
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Comments (343)
Grimmerie 31
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
enjoy it, that's the most action you'll ever get.
Lauren10102 3
Enjoy it? What if OP is a girl?
Grimmerie 31
lesbians exist.
ppatty 0
lmao ****** win ^^
Laurenlou 24
If he/she posted this FML, I highly doubt they would enjoy it regardless! :) Just throwing that put there.
eminemchick 19
you shouldve licked it. then watched her walk away awkwardly and confusedly.:)
MILFSaregood 7
Considering the fact the OP is a girl i find kinky lesbians to turn me on;) but really check ur hand for stripper disease..stop the causr
Yngve_fml 9
I sure as hell wouldn't have minded! ^_^'' But then again, I am a disgusting human being. =]
eminemchick 19
i wouldnt mind either^.^ im pervy too, and have hung out pervs on chat roulette for the past 3 months.-.- now everything sounds sexual.
NavySEAL13 0
Dude 99.9 percent of bill have been touched by a stripper
paynee 0
Your pic is awesome xDD
toasty97 3
Dry, very dry....
manders014 0
hha i bet u r
theaws0m3guy 4
ChePow!
Iheartfunny 1
Dont worry OP ove touched money thats been in worse places. (Dont ask to many painful memories)
theybebitchin 4
She is!
xDMACx12 7
Here's a dumb question. What does OP stand for?
MILFSaregood 7
OP stands for old people
topdawg255 0
Oily penis
alyssa1695 4
OP is a girl
arlekin21 0
Overweight Penguin
macsterfun 3
Orange pop
BallsFace 0
Orange penguin.
scissorluvvv22 0
OP stands for original poster
pro724 0
ya it prob is
Xx_Dakota_xX 1
OP is a girl so 13 might be on to something
zachherbert 10
127 what I think you meant to say was "Giggity"
skinthesnakes 6
the dollars journy is a treacherous one....
GaySpooner 0
Read my bio An thumb up if u laugh
ugottaluvme 0
Op is a girl
pickles1994 18
OP actually means Optimus Prime... Don't listen to the other losers. ;)
aFatFuck 0
179 gtfo you're the kind of person that ruins all the fun
SirMoose 0
The real meaning of OP is original poster, as in the person who posted this FML.
eminemchick 19
^killjoy
dre_bro11 12
244, don't lie to 149. As previously mentioned, it's actually Optimus Prime. Also, google. Hit it up 149. :)
commietaco 0
sir moose is a d bag. that is all.
ibedestinie 0
149... if it's a dude saying it it means OPTIMUS PRIME! if a chick is saying it then it's ****** PENGUIN!
Hairnomore 7
Chances are OP has been smelling that $50 bill all day long
iStayTrollin 0
Old pussy
pickles1994 18
Yah now I got everyone calling it Optimus Prime... Lol
VeganVampyre 27
Yeah, I found that odd too... I mean, if it was 2 or 3 hundred, I'd get it, but 50?
matamo71421 3
Your 14 years old -.-
cufaoil 11
you're.... just saying...
kushmonster 0
agreed
Kayokku 1
That's the best kind of $50.
flockz 20
hmmm i dont know that money sounds like its pretty fishy to me...
Give_Linux_A_Go 28
OP must've been in a sticky situation...
Xx_Dakota_xX 1
U know what they say money grows on trees but in this case it grows on bushes ;D
TheresNoEffingwa 7
If you really think about it, the way money goes around, we ALL had our hands on some stripper juice at one point or another
KennKenn 0
This sounds like a start to a bad porno!
Xx_Dakota_xX 1
What queefed on?
Xx_Dakota_xX 1
Rofl I didn't realize I already posted on this one ;P
The_Nuke 31
The best kind of herpes is the strippers' herpes from a "fresh" dollar bill.
jrsylilballer6 7
Win.
tigermilz 1
How is that a bad thing ?¿ :/ I would ask if she needed anything else
Ambient_One 15
We all get our money some way...
olpally 33
I'd like mine Crabs free though...
mmerizon 1
I know a lot of strippers and just because they take their clothes off doesn't mean they are prostitutes.
wahxoxo98 0
We Never Know Were Our Money Came From.
yousodi 10
No kidding right ppl are so judgemental as soon as they hear stripper it's all,,, pppfftt *****. But there's a difference; a ***** is what ur husband lays while ur there on ur pedestal looking downnnn on everyone else, a stripper just gets all his cash for nothing. see ? Gooood
Eggers 2
133- lolwut? She wasnt having secks with the $50
xixifwadi 0
Actually somewhere close to 98% of all 1 dollar bills have been in a strippers pants.
beccusmaximus 0
Thank you, 133. I'm a burlesque dancer and whenever I tell people that I get the look that says, "Oh, I didn't realize you were a stripper." Burlesque does not equal stripping. And even still, strippers do not equal prostitutes. I'd also like to know how OP knew this girl was a stripper. Or were you just judging by appearances, OP?
Imgonnahaveabf 9
Last time I checked, burlesque wasn't in this FML. And a stripper is pretty close to a prostitute: an attention ***** desperate for money. Yep, it's about right.
Imgonnahaveabf 9
Op, just think, if a that person didn't give the money to her, this wouldn't have happened. Sex offenders ruin everything. Smh.
Mofozofo 3
Meh , I've actually known some girl that used to be a stripper because she didn't have money to pay her uni... She is neither a hoe or attention *****.
beccusmaximus 0
206, it's called a conversation and I was merely bringing up a personal experience and the assumptions that people make.
Imgonnahaveabf 9
Cool story bro. Tell it again
VeganVampyre 27
195- not in Canada. :P I'm pretty sure 98% of our one dollar bills are safely tucked away in collectors' boxes, not anywhere near strippers. The OP would have had fives. :)
theunwiseone 4
I hope you sniffed it. That's probably the closest you will ever get to a ******. Savour it.
flipfloperson 5
OP is female...I'm thinking that she is always pretty close to a ******.
Ambient_One 15
The op is a girl... they have a ******.
flockz 20
op is male but he has a ******.
schaflava 0
No no no. OP is a ****** with a male.
sxe_beast 11
Facial herpes... good for the complexion!
flockz 20
douchebag: "hey loser, what's with all that acne on your face? hahaha" loser, about to be winner: "its not acne. its your girlfriend."
Badtz_maru_fml 0
...the ****?
trishmg12 4
that's a classic.
amerwin 3
If you were lucky, some of them may have actually penetrated. One can only hope.
bizarre_ftw 22
Assuming op is a lesbian, by the phrasing I don't think so :/
enonymous 9
She could have been born a dude making those bills worth a lot more.
PrestonG95 7
And ur complaining y?
ajeyness 10
OP is a girl
Ins0mau 20
So? You know every girl secretly has a bit of lesbian in them. ;-)
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
@11, because perhaps to what happened to OP is the equivalent of a dude handing you a $50 that's been wrapped around his junk all day. Doesn't sound nice does it?