Intimacy: Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage....

By Big B - 04/02/2009 17:40 - United States

Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 054

You deserved it 45 546

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 07/10/2010 23:45 - United States

Today, my cousin and his fiancée took me to my first strip club experience. One of the strippers came over and danced for me. She pulled her thong string out and I tried to place the dollar in it with my mouth. I missed, to which she said "Put it in there, retard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 599

You deserved it 34 639

Grossed out

By ChePow - 20/08/2011 18:26 - Canada

Today, a stripper came into my work to get some posters copied. She asked if she could pay in small bills. I just touched $50 that have probably rubbed up against a stripper's twat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 518

You deserved it 6 530

These boots are made for walking

By Anonymous - 08/03/2021 05:01

Today, I went to a strip club for the first time ever and was about to enjoy a private dance when the stripper stepped onto my chair, between my legs, to climb up onto platform. Sexy. Unfortunately, she missed the chair and stood on my balls, full weight, without noticing. I didn't 'enjoy' anything after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 417

You deserved it 357

By Anonymous - 06/10/2010 23:18 - Canada

Today, my friends took me to a strip club for my 25th birthday. I went onstage with 5 dollars in my mouth to tip the dancer. She then took off my belt and pants and spanked me 25 times with the buckle end of the belt. I paid a stripper 5 dollars to whoop my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 683

You deserved it 38 541

By bluntedone - 03/02/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, I spent $400 at the stripclub and got 4 phone numbers. I as walked out of the club, I noticed it was trans-night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 036

You deserved it 52 155

By Anonymous - 02/06/2012 15:16 - United States - Clermont

Today, I was given a lapdance by a pregnant stripper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 989

You deserved it 42 025

By sadgirl - 23/01/2009 16:52 - United States

Today, I was doing a striptease for this guy over my webcam. I was shaking my ass while taking off my panties, but when they fell to my feet, I tripped over them and fell on my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 918

You deserved it 56 268

Get out of here

By Cpt Colin - 03/01/2012 07:17 - United States

Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 869

You deserved it 5 979

By sexyfreak2510 - 03/09/2009 06:47 - South Africa

Today, at my bachelorette party, I got so wasted, I ended up giving my stripper a lap dance because he "wasn't doing it properly". There's photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 306

You deserved it 51 903

By bakedplum - 01/11/2011 17:52 - United States

Today, I went grocery shopping. Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips. As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, "You probably think I'm a stripper or something." He looked me up and down and said, "Uh... hell no." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 808

You deserved it 23 820

Imdead 0

Wednesday 4 February 2009 21:18

Time to go on a diet bro. Good luck. It's not easy.

JenDanielle917 13

Friday 28 October 2011 22:30

Hahaha your a douche....... Hahahahaha try being nice sometime.

Comments

Imdead 0

Wednesday 4 February 2009 21:18

Time to go on a diet bro. Good luck. It's not easy.

bballer55 0

Tuesday 8 March 2011 3:36

beandipped....haha

juliahockey 0

Thursday 14 April 2011 3:30

no shit is a guy. what girls go to strip clubs? none that I know.

tkdgold03 5

Saturday 30 April 2011 7:28

winn. ^

mattrd_fml 31

Monday 30 December 2013 13:14

I know women who do...

9brggz1vboyqhb0 0

Wednesday 4 February 2009 23:41

No, you're not a guy. Guys don't have ****.

Ohnothingreally 0

Tuesday 3 November 2009 0:47

Look up "bitch ****".

brit8741 0

Monday 12 April 2010 20:05

yes they do haha

PiErC3 0

Monday 26 March 2012 1:06

r u a guy or girl and how old r u cuz im 13 and hav seen at least one guy with "man boobs"

trivel64 16

Tuesday 12 June 2012 4:38

Men do have breasts, they're normally just smaller than women's.

Dr_Phil 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 13:22

Hahahaha ... you have man boobs. Hahahahaha. Also, maybe tip more money next time.

JenDanielle917 13

Friday 28 October 2011 22:30

Hahaha your a douche....... Hahahahaha try being nice sometime.

FMcorpse 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 21:11

gee, that sounds sorta like an FML i posted that never got published....**** you, Big B

Flexer 0

Friday 6 February 2009 4:36

to #10: Please see FML Code, article #8

redroses5 0

Thursday 26 February 2009 8:43

haha I pictured the whole scene in my head. Man boobs!

zillia_fml 0

Friday 27 February 2009 4:57

theres a very good thing, its called losing weight, try it

Boogie99 0

Monday 2 March 2009 0:54

are you going to take that from a stripper? but yeah tip more next time

socializer1 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 0:19

It's called working out, it prevents you from being fat.

Durf 0

Sunday 15 March 2009 8:09

lemme slap those thighs, i wanna see waves!

Keywords

Embarrassing Love Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Christmas Romantic Break-ups Money Annoying Gross Ironic Argument Friends Awkward Cute Haircut Holidays Lonely Relatable Capitalism Work Bosses You're fired Cars Health Covid Jealousy Cheating Kids Parenting

The Top

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 636

You deserved it 42 714

Today, after having had a sore throat all day, I finally decided to have a throat lozenge on the bus. It was nice and soothing, until the bus sharply turned a corner and I started coughing and choking on it violently like a cat with a furball. My throat now feels like Satan pissed nails down it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 86

The Top

Today, I spent the first day of the New Year helping out at an old folks' home. I was assigned to watch over a group which includes the delightful Ernie, an 83 year-old delusional man who sees absolutely no problem with showing off "what the good lord gave him" every chance he gets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 722

You deserved it 3 989

Today, I got an e-mail at work about payroll cuts. After our annual cost of living raise two weeks ago, I make $0.30 more per hour, but with my hours getting cut, I'll make $80 less per paycheck. That's two weeks of groceries. I can't afford my vacation next week now either. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 986

You deserved it 149

Today, I was told by my mother that the reason she quit her job as a counselor and divorced my dad was because she met someone through work. She works in a prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 803

You deserved it 2 296

Today, I got married to the man I love even though my whole family told me not to marry him. He got into a drunken fight at our wedding and is now in jail. He apparently won't be getting out any time soon due to charges I didn't know about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 713

You deserved it 3 276

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm boring and never go to the bar with him. He knows I'm a recovering alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 317

You deserved it 2 227

Today, my boss sent me to a meeting with a client I've never met to do some damage control and renegotiate his contract. For two hours, he alternated between threatening to sue us, and making vulgar comments about raping me in his office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 168

You deserved it 3 185

Same thing different taste

Grossed out

These boots are made for walking

Get out of here

Top comments

Comments