Miscellaneous: Today, I was running the register at my work and this big lady...

By Anonymous - 21/04/2009 18:12 - United States

Today, I was running the register at my work and this big lady pulls her wad of cash out of her bra and hands it to me. The bills she handed me were moist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 170

You deserved it 3 857

Miscellaneous

Best teeth in the game

Hiding from the drama

Don't Give Up

They're everywhere

By Anonymous - 19/09/2020 23:01

Today, I started a new job. I was in a meeting, all day, training under a guy. This was the same middle-class-gravyboat guy who has no idea what he's doing, attributes things to false-positive root causes, and is defensive whenever someone knows more than him. I left my last job because of this type of guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 153

You deserved it 196

By whoslade - 28/06/2012 17:36 - United States

Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 852

You deserved it 4 570

By Overlord247 - 28/06/2019 07:05 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, due to sleep deprivation, I wasn't paying attention to where the elevator stopped. I walked into a flat, thinking it was mine. It wasn't. It was the flat just beneath mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 381

You deserved it 442

By CaptainSosuke - 27/01/2009 01:54 - United States

Today, I tripped over my own shoelace after explaining to my boyfriend that my shoes being untied were good luck for me. He then took that as the grand opportunity to tell me that we were breaking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 832

You deserved it 8 382

By feeldumb - 11/06/2009 04:33 - United States

Today, I got into an argument with a 7 year old. He said that Obama was the 44th President, I said he was the 42nd. Guess who was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 073

You deserved it 86 228

Bastard Bambi busts bumper

By SugarCoat - 08/06/2017 18:00

Today, I volunteered to go get ice cream if I could use my mother's car. She told me to be VERY careful. Not ten minutes later, I hit a deer, which got up and walked off as though nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 672

You deserved it 609

Nice guy

By Anonymous - 23/09/2021 11:00

Today, I found out that I need a hysterectomy. When I told my boyfriend of 2 years, he broke up with me, because he didn't have time to "coddle my feelings". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 048

You deserved it 62

By Anonymous - 12/05/2012 22:09 - Netherlands - Vianen

Today, while at work, I managed to scrape open the inside of my nose with my fingernail, drawing blood in the process. I had to quickly up an explanation for my scream that didn't go: "Well, I was scouting for boogers..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 478

You deserved it 24 640

By nasty_ex - 21/06/2011 12:25 - Australia

Today, I finally found out who has been sending me hate letters, it's my husband's ex-wife. They've been divorced for 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 591

You deserved it 3 374

So cute

By Anonymous - 23/02/2014 17:29 - United States - Canastota

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I assumed since we live together that he meant marriage. I was wrong; the next level is me jacking him off with my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 049

You deserved it 7 575

BURN

By Anonymous - 14/01/2018 15:00

Today, at work, I cashed out a sweet old lady. As I handed her the bag, she looked at me kindly and said, "Don’t worry sweetie. It'll get better," to which I responded, "What will get better?" She smiled at me and said, "Your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 683

You deserved it 352

By Anonymous - 11/05/2012 00:28 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. I was heading back to my apartment and I heard noises inside the door. Assuming it was the surprise party I'd hinted at, I flicked on the lights as two heavy guys pushed past me. I was robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 460

You deserved it 2 294

By gfg - 16/03/2009 18:48 - Romania

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex at his house. When we got there, he checked his mail box first and noticed that his Wii game arrived. He sent me home so he can play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173 446

You deserved it 24 533

Addams Family Values

By Anonymous - 12/12/2020 07:56 - Germany - Zittau

Today, I heard my mom say to the dogs, "Are you hungry? Do you want something tasty out of the garbage can?" Don’t worry though, she probably only meant the one in our garden, where she keeps the deer heads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 72

By Justme - 05/06/2013 05:02 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I got the bill for the flowers my husband arranged to be delivered to me while he's out of town next week. I also got the bill for the flowers he's sending to the floozy he'll be seeing next week while he's out of town. The gift tag for it was: "I can't wait to see you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 563

You deserved it 3 846

By why.mom - 21/08/2019 00:01

Today, my mom got arrested for statutory rape. She apparently had sex with my best friend during a cookout, which was to celebrate my dad's cancer going into remission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 070

You deserved it 134

By Anonymous - 11/12/2012 18:16 - United States

Today, I had to get to class at 9:00 to take a test. I woke up at 6:00, and figured I could wait a few minutes before getting ready. The next thing I knew, it was 10:30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 073

You deserved it 25 229

By Anonymous - 15/06/2019 06:43

Today, my husband was finally moving out. I picked up his enormous duffle bag full of clothes to help get him out faster, and I threw out my back. I now can't move. I can't even wipe my own ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 606

You deserved it 723

By freckleboy422 - 31/01/2011 09:28 - United States

Today, I got married and I'd invited everyone from work including my boss. His way of congratulating me was to mention that I'm out of a job. He said it was a good time to do it because he thought I would be too happy or too drunk to care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 457

You deserved it 2 784

By not getting any anymore - 22/02/2009 03:23 - United States

Today, while I was making out with my boyfriend, he left my dorm suddenly without telling me where he was going. A few hours later, he texted me to tell me that being with me made him feel dirty and he had gone to confession. He then called me a sinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 282

You deserved it 7 811

Wokescolds gonna wokescold

By Anonymous - 18/09/2021 11:00

Today, I was accused of digital black face and cultural appropriating my own culture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 64

By Anonymous - 15/06/2009 18:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a horrible day at work, came home early and burst into tears as soon as I was in the door. I curled up on the sofa, still bawling, and my cat came over and jumped up for a cuddle. I gave her a hug and she threw up down my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 936

You deserved it 4 731

By wheel 4 - 01/12/2017 05:00

Today, I went out with my best friend, his girlfriend, and a girl they've been wanting to introduce to me. I thought they wanted to set us up, but it turns out they're a throuple and wanted me to be the first to know. I think I'm the first fourth wheel in history. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 231

You deserved it 363

Onan would be proud

By concernedcousin - 05/10/2019 12:00

Today, my little twelve year-old cousin who is staying with us for a while so his parents can "work out issues" ran into my room, his face ghostly white. He begged me to take him to the hospital because he "tugged" on his penis too much in the shower, and was "bleeding milky stuff." Sigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 457

You deserved it 143

By Dry - 18/03/2017 16:00

Today, after moving into my new house, my partner's father came to give us his old sofa. Now, an hour before he has to leave, he's half-completed 3 DIY jobs we didn't want done in the first place, and smashed my water inlet pipe. I have no water and a destroyed kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 802

You deserved it 407

By glam300 - 30/12/2010 18:21 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend commented on my short skirt and, thinking she was being funny, tried to pull it down. I quickly moved away, causing it to come off in her hands. My shocked scream attracted the attention of at least a dozen bystanders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 419

You deserved it 7 668

By Anonymous - 28/01/2014 19:43 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after months of random vomiting with no apparent cause, I finally got some tests done. The doctor says there's nothing wrong with me and that it's all just in my head. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 650

You deserved it 4 310

By titou - 05/01/2009 03:33 - France

Today, well, last night, I told my girlfriend that I'm a light sleeper, and that the slightest disturbance will wake me up. As a result, this morning when I looked in the mirror I noticed a bunch of stuff written all over my body, like "You see, you didn't wake up!", "Nor now!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 696

You deserved it 32 489

By stillwaiting - 15/09/2009 21:32 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my boss plays a trick on all the interns. He calls you to his office, then leaves you waiting outside until you get annoyed and leave. Apparently, the old record was 45mins. I waited 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 313

You deserved it 11 120

By Deadcat101 - 10/07/2012 23:26 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my unemployed mother decided to yet again stay home and drink heavily. So far she's kicked me out of the house, tipped over our sofa and thrown her vibrator out the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 977

You deserved it 1 924

By Anonymous - 11/02/2011 15:46 - United States

Today, I watched my grandfather try and park his car inside the storage area for shopping carts, thinking it was a parking space. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 359

You deserved it 3 502

By Krit - 10/02/2010 15:10 - United States

Today, my drunk mother got into a fight with the lady at Krystal burger. Why? "Because the bitch said they aren't making special orders." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 875

You deserved it 2 586

By cgold - 30/04/2009 02:11 - United States

Today, I met my paternal grandfather for the first time. I’ve spent the last three months tracking him down. I poured my heart out and told about how much this meant to me. He told me I had a nice rack and asked for a cigarette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 106

You deserved it 8 815

By Emma - 01/08/2011 21:29 - United States

Today, while waiting at the park for my friend, an intoxicated tramp came up to me and asked me out. After I politely declined, he snatched the phone from my hand, threw it on the ground, screamed that I was a "two-timing whore", and staggered away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 042

You deserved it 3 453

By Anonymous - 13/06/2014 22:06 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, at my mother's open-casket funeral, my sister-in-law went to pay her respects. As she stood in front of the body, she coughed, muttering "bitch" in the process. Either nobody else noticed or nobody cared, and she went on her way, noticeably not choked up at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 304

You deserved it 4 344

By stpdaziandude - 08/05/2009 20:51 - United States

Today, I was watching an animal behavior movie. All of a sudden, it brings up two snails going at it. I got hard watching it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 801

You deserved it 44 929

By inpain - 02/12/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, I learned that my hairdo must resemble a rat. I found out when a hawk swooped down and dug its claws into my head while I was sunbathing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 887

You deserved it 6 191

By thoughtitwasspecial - 18/05/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, I found a link to a porn website on my boyfriend's computer. A bit jealous, I asked why it was there. He told me that he thought thinking of me might get boring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 452

You deserved it 20 666

By iblamethetories - 11/10/2012 17:49 - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, I had to pay my bus fare in very small change. After carefully counting out coins under the withering glares of a bus-load of people, I quickly slid them into the machine, and somehow ended up jamming it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 761

You deserved it 4 824

What should I do?

By Anonymous - 08/12/2019 20:00

Today, I got a XXX wax, because my boyfriend wouldn't go down on me as he didn't like the hair. Now he won't sleep with me at all because I look like a child with no pubic hair, and he "feels like a pedophile." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 118

You deserved it 545

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Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 36

Spicy

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 86

Today, my wife and I had arranged a threesome with a guy, but I was late home so they “had the threesome without me.” It’s not cheating, because I obviously knew she was going to have sex with him during the threesome, but me not being there makes me mad and I can’t coherently explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 754