Today, my friends took me to a strip club for my 25th birthday. I went onstage with 5 dollars in my mouth to tip the dancer. She then took off my belt and pants and spanked me 25 times with the buckle end of the belt. I paid a stripper 5 dollars to whoop my ass. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my friends and I went to the strip club for my birthday. I now know how my sister is paying for her new car. FML
Today, my cousin and his fiancée took me to my first strip club experience. One of the strippers came over and danced for me. She pulled her thong string out and I tried to place the dollar in it with my mouth. I missed, to which she said "Put it in there, retard." FML
Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML
Today, I brought my best friend to the strip club as a birthday gift, as he had mentioned that he'd never been to one before. It might have been ruined by the discovery that his daughter had a new job. FML
Today, a stripper came into my work to get some posters copied. She asked if she could pay in small bills. I just touched $50 that have probably rubbed up against a stripper's twat. FML
Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML
Today, I went to a strip club for the first time ever and was about to enjoy a private dance when the stripper stepped onto my chair, between my legs, to climb up onto platform. Sexy. Unfortunately, she missed the chair and stood on my balls, full weight, without noticing. I didn't 'enjoy' anything after that. FML
Today, I was given a lapdance by a pregnant stripper. FML
Today, at my bachelorette party, I got so wasted, I ended up giving my stripper a lap dance because he "wasn't doing it properly". There's photos. FML
Today, I went out to celebrate my birthday with a big group of friends. After waiting in line to get into a club, the bouncer looked me up and down and said, "No fat chicks." My friends went into the club without me and left me to take a $100 taxi home alone. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
brennboo 3
haha win for the stripper :) she got paid to beat your ass hahaha
brennboo 3
I guess 5 bucks wasn't enough for her :)
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (115)
omG_G00 0
ahhaha
paid2think 0
Your smiless fresh
H8rSk8r 0
Today, this fatso got up on stage at the strip club I work at. He expected me to do something hot. I took off his belt ( with my teeth ) and spanked him with it. Fatty didn't like spankings, so all I got was five f*cking dollars.
madarchod 0
BDSM
hairt 4
omg #8 you were the stripper?!!!!? :o :P
LoganBballin16 0
hahahaha you have 25 buckel prints on your butt!!
xThatAsianGurlx 0
@19 haha I guess you never know :P
Sanchez2021 0
What a square
skittle68 0
YDI don't you know that's the sort of thing strippers ALWAYS do if you are dumb enough to go on stage???
brennboo 3
haha win for the stripper :) she got paid to beat your ass hahaha
flighted 1
right, what else do you expect with $5?? I would have beat him too if I were a stripper and he gave me $5 lol
brennboo 3
I guess 5 bucks wasn't enough for her :)
j4gerb0mblitz 6
I guess 1 comment wasn't enough for you.
mif_fml 27
LOL!
molil_4810 0
Oooouuuucchhhhhh !
Mylees 0
omg Miley leave me alone no one is trying to tame you , be as unbridled as you want
purpleamandapand 6
haha
wolve86 0
I got worse on my bachelor party and paid more.... this is weak
kwmfl 4
Haha nice pic
iheartowls 0
If it was that bad, and that much of a FML, all you had to do was walk away. YDI.
Mirorbo 27
Darling, NEVER offer money from your mouth! That's poor club etiquette! You were asking for it!
emilyrules41 0
lol
Elizabeth123654 0
Oh darling. WILL YOU STOP ******* SAYING DARLING, darling? kiss kiss!
xThatAsianGurlx 0
Studies say most money type of bills have been in a strippers ass crack....
angelo8320 0
most money type of bills? are you sure they didn't mean duck bills?
WallyTheWombat 0
Supposedly 99% of bills have cocaine residue on them.
mrahhhhh 21
Actually it's more like 80%. I read a story on an urban legend website a few weeks ago. Still a pretty staggering number. Dr. Rockzo would be so ecstatic right now.
Naitras 15
lol dr. Rockzo is awesome...
Filitov 0
And 63.14% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
antoinemartinez 0
thts hard to belive but yur hot so I'll go with it
drsheena 0
that sentence she wrote did not make sense.
jtin13 0
I love you for the metalocalypse reference
Panchodelmonte 0
hi,my name is Angel and I just wanted to say is that ur beautifull.
alex1646 0
woahhh
fakkumairaifu 14
Higher denomination bills have more residue apparently. I read somewhere that they tend to be handled less than small bills, and thus are usually less porous thereby absorbing less of your nose candy. Can't give (non-made-up) percentages though.
Elizabeth123654 0
34: Actually, not because strippers have used the money, therefore there are traces of cocaine on them, it's because when bills are damaged (ripped, burned, or sometimes a non-existent currency), they are burned and then used again. The cocaine, which is only a very small trace, is actually put there by the mint they were made in because the cocaine acts as if a thin protective layer, which protects the money from light damage and also, when the money is being burned, the cocaine layer helps it burn much, much faster. 49: It's 64%, dumbass.
bri_random 0
you were obviously a very naughty boy. my suggestion: meet up with her after the club closes and show her how it's done. smack her 25 times. . . with your ****! :)
fits138 0
I def giggled when I read this!
onlyonefunny 2
Your sick..sick!!
BrendaButt 0
PWND!