Sleep

Dreamweaver

By Anonymous - 09/02/2021 08:01

Today, I woke up with a scream of pain to find the reason I've had so many realistic dreams lately: my boyfriend has been messing with me in my sleep because he thinks my reactions are funny. For instance, when he pinched me today, I experienced a very realistic wasp sting in my dream. FML

agreeclassic 1 482

vote type 1 135

Noise annoys

By James - 31/01/2021 20:00

Today, I was apparently too noisy when I left for work. My options are either try to be more quiet when I leave or set my alarm later and then have no time for breakfast. I share a room with my nephew and I walk to work. FML

agreeclassic 817

vote type 1 134

Wakey wakey

By zzzzzz - 30/01/2021 07:59

Today, my boyfriend had an appointment he had to wait months for, after he finally agreed to try to figure out what's making him so tired all the time. He slept through it. FML

agreeclassic 841

vote type 1 110

Say nothing

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 00:58 - United States - Edmond

Today, right now, my husband is on the phone with his friend. Last night I had a dream I was cheating on him with this friend. FML

agreeclassic 417

vote type 1 855

Anxiety

By Anonymous - 26/01/2021 08:02 - Germany

Today, and for the last 5 days, I’ve been waking up between 5:30 and 6:30 a.m. Perfect time to get into work early, right? Except I’ve been unemployed for months and the one thing I’m trying to work on is my lack of sleep. FML

agreeclassic 814

vote type 1 144

Truth

By Anonymous - 24/01/2021 08:01 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I recently started seeing a girl and I slept over at her house for the first time. Apparently, I still talk in my sleep. This morning she told me I whispered, "I love you so much." FML

agreeclassic 850

vote type 1 166

Good night, sleep tight

By jjkk - 23/01/2021 05:02

Today, I have been trying to stop sleeping during the day, so I decided to clean my room to keep myself awake. Four hours later, I woke up on the floor. FML

agreeclassic 815

vote type 1 142

Can't handle it

By Anonymous - 20/01/2021 14:01 - Germany

Today, I feel hung over. Don’t feel up to anything except slouching on the sofa, nursing my headache. Must have been one hell of a party, lots of booze, right? Actually, all I did was go to bed at 11:30 last night, instead of my usual 8.30. FML

agreeclassic 885

vote type 1 179

Sing me to sleep

By Anonymous - 19/01/2021 11:01 - Germany

Today, there are two parts to my life: The 12 hours I spend in bed each night trying to fall asleep, with limited success, and the 12 hours I'm up and trying *not* to fall asleep, also with limited success. FML

agreeclassic 979

vote type 1 138

My booze

By I-Love-My-Wife - 14/01/2021 10:56

Today, it's my wife's birthday. She also sleepwalks, sleep eats and sleep drinks. This morning, her subconscious remembered it was her birthday and wanted to celebrate in style. I found my $200 bottle of Johnny Walker Blue was missing 3". She doesn't remember drinking it. I'm so glad she enjoyed it. FML

agreeclassic 756

vote type 1 277

Compassion

By Anemity_is_my_name - 07/01/2021 14:01 - United States

Today, I'm exhausted and sore from a long night of pulling semis out of the snow. My wife is pissed because I want to sleep, instead of be with her. Every time I drift off, she starts doing things like loudly unloading the dishwasher or standing by our bedroom door talking loudly on the phone. FML

agreeclassic 1 539

vote type 1 95

You light up my life

By Anonymous - 06/01/2021 02:01

Today, I can’t sleep because the moon is full. No, wait, that’s actually the floodlight from the neighboring farm shining in my window. Apparently, they thought it a good idea to hook the thing up to a motion detector, so the cats and mice can play disco lights at midnight. FML

agreeclassic 942

vote type 1 87

By notgood - 04/01/2021 16:01 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I accidentally took an Ex Lax instead of an Immodium. It's gonna be a fun night. FML

agreeclassic 700

vote type 1 320

The runs

By Anonymous - 04/01/2021 04:58

Today, I woke up next to my wife at my in-laws. It was all set to be a beautiful morning when we got serves breakfast in bed, until my mother in-law started pointing at the big shit stain running from my ass and on to the sheets. Never trust a fart, especially when you're sleeping. FML

agreeclassic 872

vote type 1 537

Blackmail material

By Anonymous - 03/01/2021 05:01

Today, I was staying at a hotel and had a night terror. I woke up, yelled, "Fuck!" and realized I had shit the bed. I'd woken up my teenage daughter, who now knows I shit the bed in the middle night. FML

agreeclassic 992

vote type 1 207

Tetchy

By Anonymous - 25/12/2020 19:58

Today, my partner got mad at me for forgetting to turn off the bedroom light when coming back from brushing my teeth, and has chosen to sleep in our spare bedroom over it. FML

agreeclassic 856

vote type 1 264

Wedding of the year

By Anonymous - 24/12/2020 16:58 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, I dreamed that I got so nervous during a toast at my friend's wedding that I pissed myself. To coax myself to wake up, I took off my dress, stripped down to my underwear, and pinched myself. I wasn't dreaming. FML

agreeclassic 428

vote type 1 1 184

Tis the season to be jolly

By littl3storm - 23/12/2020 15:59 - United Kingdom

Today, at the ripe age of 20, I spent the early hours of my morning violently vomiting blood every time I got too warm. I then had the pleasure of shitting in a plastic container for a stool sample, due to said problem, after one and half hours of sleep. FML

agreeclassic 991

vote type 1 90

One law for me…

By Anonymous - 21/12/2020 11:02 - Australia

Today, I got disciplined for sleeping on night shifts, by my boss, who also sleeps on night shifts. FML

agreeclassic 794

vote type 1 401

Teddy is always there for you

By Lunar-Spice - 16/12/2020 04:54 - United States - Midlothian

Today, and for the past month, I'm so lonely that I fall asleep holding my teddy bear's paw for comfort. FML

agreeclassic 780

vote type 1 131

Intense

By counterproductive - 21/09/2020 11:01 - United States

Today, after I'd finally decided to see a doctor about my anxiety and insomnia, I was so nervous about what the doctor would think of me that I had anxiety attacks that kept me from sleeping a wink all night. I ended up oversleeping and missing the appointment I was so nervous about. FML

agreeclassic 1 452

vote type 1 267

Zzzzzzzzzz

By Anonymous - 15/09/2020 13:31 - India - Delhi

Today, I fell asleep in the middle of an online class. Now everyone calls me Sleeping Beauty. FML

agreeclassic 681

vote type 1 1 109

Issues

By Anonymous - 04/06/2020 05:00

Today, I woke up from a vivid dream in which I murdered my entire family. It took 20 minutes after waking up, drenched in sweat and tears, to realize I'm not a murderer and my life is OK. This dream is recurring. FML

agreeclassic 2 227

vote type 1 194

Confinement is rough

By daisythebunny1988 - 25/03/2020 05:15

Today, my mother is snoring so loud that I can still hear her with the door shut and with earplugs in. So much for sleep. FML

agreeclassic 1 469

vote type 1 150

We hear ya

By Diana - 25/10/2019 22:00 - United States

Today, I found out that falling asleep with a bobby pin in your hair means waking up with one jammed in your ear drum. FML

agreeclassic 1 597

vote type 1 405

Noise Annoys

By Anonymous - 22/08/2019 06:04

Today, at three in the morning, I rolled out of bed in my sleep, landing butt-first into my trash can and scraping my arm on my bedside table. I cleaned up the mess I'd made and tried to stop my arm from bleeding. During which, my dad banged on the door and told me to keep it down. FML

agreeclassic 1 568

vote type 1 221

By Anonymous - 02/07/2019 16:00

Today, after barely sleeping all week, I tried some ASMR videos to help me fall asleep. Both my dogs and my husband are out cold, snoring so loud I can't even hear the ASMR. FML

agreeclassic 1 485

vote type 1 184

Good night, sleep tight

By sleepy - 01/07/2019 02:10

Today, I was trying to fall asleep. Unfortunately, my next-door neighbor's baby began to cry. I closed the window and rolled over, unable to hear the crying anymore. My dog's hearing is better than mine, and so he started barking. Goodbye, good night's sleep. FML

agreeclassic 1 687

vote type 1 205

By Insomniac - 18/05/2019 04:17

Today, and for the past four years, the only time my husband stops snoring while asleep is so that he can fart. FML

agreeclassic 1 822

vote type 1 191

Dogs rule

By Anonymous - 10/05/2019 04:00

Today, my wife kicked me out of my own bed to go and sleep on the sofa because the dog was whining, and would only stop if she was allowed to sleep on my side of the bed. My wife would rather sleep with the dog than me. FML

agreeclassic 1 909

vote type 1 343

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, it's the third time in a row that I've woken myself up in the middle of the night by pouring freezing cold water on myself. I didn’t even have water on my nightstand last night. I woke up in the kitchen. FML

agreeclassic 3 485

vote type 1 305

Today, I got a bikini wax. They said it wouldn't hurt too badly, and that it would just sting. My friend heard me screaming from all the way down the hall in the waiting room. FML

agreeclassic 14 245

vote type 1 20 057

Today, I was yelled at by my mum for not wanting to get a spray tan for my cousin's wedding because if I don't, I will "shine like a beacon of disrespect" among the other attendees. FML

agreeclassic 34 409

vote type 1 3 576

Today, I discovered a purple BMX bike abandoned in my front yard. I wondered why it was there, until I looked over to discover that my own bike had been stolen. I guess they liked mine better. FML

agreeclassic 13 686

vote type 1 1 134

Today, during my second shift back at work after missing four weeks for knee surgery, I stabbed myself in the hand and now need three weeks off for that surgery. Just as I'm up for a promotion. FML

agreeclassic 1 541

vote type 1 370

Today, my 6 year old daughter somehow learned about sex. She also had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When the teacher asked where she came from, she said, "My daddy's happy sacks." FML

agreeclassic 42 334

vote type 1 4 731