By littl3storm - 23/12/2020 15:59 - United Kingdom

Tis the season to be jolly

Today, at the ripe age of 20, I spent the early hours of my morning violently vomiting blood every time I got too warm. I then had the pleasure of shitting in a plastic container for a stool sample, due to said problem, after one and half hours of sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

864

You deserved it

54

Tweet

Share

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

The smell detective is on the case

Two wheels not so good

By kirbykylestorm

Online Dating = Brutal

Today, I realised just how lonely I am. After using Tinder for about a week, I got my first match. I said hi while I was in class since I was excited, but by the time I'd gotten back home, she'd unmatched me. I've never felt so hurt by a complete stranger before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2716

You deserved it

298

Tweet

Share

By sarabalism - Canada

Today, I walked into Old Navy to buy myself a pair of jingle jammies. Save yourself the embarrassment: don't shake the jammies in the middle of the store to hear the jingling, because these jammies do not jingle. You'll just look like an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8098

You deserved it

34593

Tweet

Share

By soccerbooty - United States

Today, my boyfriend started to plan our wedding. He included a clown. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38797

You deserved it

8112

Tweet

Share

By Lolrus - Qatar

Today, I was jogging through my neighborhood and then I notice this cute guy running beside me, we stoped and flirted for a while and my mom drove past. She then rolled down the window and said "Honey, you owe me for the dry cleaning on your period pants." FML

I agree, your life sucks

103026

You deserved it

5735

Tweet

Share

By Victor - 24/12/2020 14:02

It's a holly jolly Christmas…

Today, I usually take my daughter to daycare; my wife had to drop her daughter off at 8. The kid refused to get up, making them late. Wife argues with me, claiming I made her late. She said hurtful things and left late at 8:30. We haven't spoken and probably won't for the rest of Christmas week. I love Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

736

You deserved it

114

Tweet

Share

By Cody - United States

Today, my kids surprised me when I got home. One of them played the Rocky theme song on the stereo, and the other came up to me and said, "Daddy, let's go. We need you to drop about 15 pounds before you appear in front of all of our friends at our play." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33681

You deserved it

8023

Tweet

Share

By SBae - United States - Uniontown

Today, I waited for the single bathroom for a very long time. I finally knocked on the door and found no one was in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15947

You deserved it

9181

Tweet

Share

By MTJY - United Kingdom

Today, I was talking to my ex. After pouring my heart out to her, saying we were meant for each other, she looked at me and said, "Don't bother, I've already slept with your brother." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43491

You deserved it

5471

Tweet

Share

By lamemom - Canada - Fredericton

Cool, dude

Today, my friend saw a stamp on my hand and asked me which club I had gone to last night. I was so desperate to seem cool that I lied, instead of admitting it was actually from a children's play group that I took my kids to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36989

You deserved it

8886

Tweet

Share

By poopydaddy - Canada - Oakville

Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53753

You deserved it

5641

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my car door and window were broken when a thief broke into my car. Cost to repair the damage? $600. Increase to my car insurance premiums? $40 a month. What'd they steal from my car? A $0.98 chocolate chip cookie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40387

You deserved it

3462

Tweet

Share

By infected - Denmark

Today, I had a snowball fight with a friend. In the midst of the game, I stole her hat and put it on my head, ignoring her pleas. Apparently, she was trying to say she had head lice. I can now verify that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10607

You deserved it

43459

Tweet

Share

By 2285morgan - United States

Today, I heard my alarm go off, dragged myself out of bed, had breakfast and got ready for work. As I was heading out the door I checked the time again. It was 1:41 AM. Apparently my alarm never actually went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36360

You deserved it

6071

Tweet

Share

By fianceeless - United States

Today, my extremely superstitious girlfriend called me and said she couldn't make it to the date I had planned tonight. Her reason? "I sense something horrible is going to happen." I was planning to propose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46525

You deserved it

3905

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Northridge

No kinkshaming here

Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34964

You deserved it

5738

Tweet

Share

By ugh - United States - Troy

Today, I woke up from an explicit dream involving my dentist. I'm scheduled for a conscious sedation appointment with him in two hours and I'm terrified of what I might say or do while I'm under. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31983

You deserved it

3363

Tweet

Share

By Octobre - United States

Today, I was massively hungover and driving home. I had a strong suspicion that I was gonna ralph so I was smart and pulled over. I emptied the contents of my stomach into a shopping bag and was proud I didn't make a mess all over the car. Seconds later, the bottom of the bag gave out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11562

You deserved it

27952

Tweet

Share

By married an old man - United States - Rancho Mirage

Today, I decided to come onto my husband to switch things up. When I started kissing and trying to undress him, he pushed me off, saying "What're you doing? Jeopardy's about to start." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47914

You deserved it

6685

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked into the restroom at work to see my boss standing at the urinal, pissing like a toddler. He had his pants around his ankles, ass fully exposed. Now I'm never going to be able to take anything he says seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24232

You deserved it

1798

Tweet

Share

By Nikki - United States - Satellite Beach

Today, I went to bring my 92-year-old neighbor some cake we had just made. When I walked in, she was wearing pants. That's it. I stared blinking in shock for a few seconds before running away, yelling, "So sorry. I brought you cake. Real tired. Gonna sleep now. Bye." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26928

You deserved it

3552

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I was in a public toilet taking a dump. I then noticed someone trying to peep under the door, so I kicked them in the head as hard as I could. Turned out it was a 5-year-old looking for his parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1878

You deserved it

1375

Tweet

Share

By soontobemurder

Today, my boss took back my week off because he wants to take a spontaneous Caribbean vacation with his wife, which is "clearly more important" than what I was going to do. I needed that time off so I could be with my Dad in hospice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6665

You deserved it

241

Tweet

Share

By gabormelchior - United States

Today, I got dressed in what I thought was a really adorable outfit. I had a cute pink skirt on, a white tank top and silver strappy sandal heels. On my way to the mall a car pulls over and this guy asks me how much for three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32138

You deserved it

75480

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found that my "lesbian" best friend and roommate is now dating the guy I've been trying to get a date with for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32947

You deserved it

3328

Tweet

Share

By thanks..?

Today, my dentist said I have a good tongue. That's the best compliment I've gotten in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2261

You deserved it

212

Tweet

Share

By shouldbehappyiguess - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, a coworker complimented me on losing weight, and said that she wished she could drop a few pounds too. I was too embarrassed to tell her that the only reason I've lost weight is because I haven't been able to afford to eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60987

You deserved it

3893

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, my boss decided that, because I got dragged into a vacation that I didn't even want to go on, she was going to take a promotion back before she even gave it to me. I don't know what's worse, losing the promotion or going on that crappy vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18276

You deserved it

1810

Tweet

Share

By Ihatemyjob - United States

Today, my boss told me that he didn’t want to promote me because my, “scores were too good.” He then told me that I would be getting twice as much work to do than my coworkers, without a raise. I work minimum wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2341

You deserved it

162

Tweet

Share

By lilshoobydoo14 - United States

Today, I met a guy that I liked. We really hit it off, that is until his parents walked by and he started begging them, down on his hands and knees, to buy him a new video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32321

You deserved it

4312

Tweet

Share

By thatwas10yearsago - United States - Reston

Today, I found out why the girl I like won't give me the time of day. Apparently, I called her ugly and pushed her into a puddle when we were in kindergarten. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20413

You deserved it

30877

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months started a bitter fight with me. The cause was me repeatedly refusing to dye my hair the way his beloved ex did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36452

You deserved it

3639

Tweet

Share

By Anna - United States - Lake City

Today, I was looking at dating profiles with my single friend, trying to find a guy for her, and we found my husband's profile. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19224

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1824

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home to find that my pregnant cat had given birth to a stillborn kitten in every room of the house. It had then rubbed its butt around the house, leaving bloody stains everywhere. When I went to clean the white carpet, the bleach turned it green. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40729

You deserved it

5966

Tweet

Share

By unemployed - Canada

Today, I went into work. After three years of working 55 hours a week they fire me by putting the contents of my locker at the front door that said "if not picked up by 10:00 am stuff will be donated." I work the night shift. I just lost three sweaters, two pairs of shoes, $60 and my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45421

You deserved it

2716

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I found out that my classmates hate me so much that they have a seating arrangement where people have to sit next to me on a rotating basis. A fight broke out yesterday because someone tried to skip their turn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63172

You deserved it

17444

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/2/2021 14:01 - Australia

Thanks, I hate it

Today, I received my first dick pic from my boyfriend. Problem is, we broke up 3 weeks ago and his next message said, "Oops, sorry, wrong person." FML

I agree, your life sucks

936

You deserved it

138

Tweet

Share

By auslander - Switzerland

Today, as a supervisor at a water park, several clients came up to me and complained about a topless girl in our wave pool. I found the girl, called her out, and politely told her that she was not allowed in the pool without a top. "She" was a fat 15 year old boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58344

You deserved it

7819

Tweet

Share

By misunderstood - Australia

Today, after having a fight with my boyfriend, we had what I thought to be the best make-up sex, because he seemed so happy and upbeat. Turns out he misunderstood. He was happy because he thought it was break-up sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35496

You deserved it

6332

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend is getting engaged. He broke up with me five months ago because our relationship was too serious for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32816

You deserved it

2732

Tweet

Share

By n1a1t1h1a1n1 - United States - San Francisco

Today, on the bus, when I was asking my 6-year-old son what he wanted for Christmas, a stranger came up to us and yelled at him about how Santa Claus is not real, that his "parents are fucking liars" and that he should "never listen to anything one of those fuckers says." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35420

You deserved it

3380

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

No comments yet.

COMMENTS

No comments yet.