Today, I tried talking to the very quiet girl in my grade. We were having a conversation when a very hot guy walked into the cafeteria. I said to the girl, "The things I would do for him…" She looked at me dead in the eye and said, "That's my boyfriend." FML
Today, I had a terrible dream where my aunt paid a stripper to have sex with me, since I'm 27 and haven't even kissed a guy yet. I ended up taking the dream-stripper to the mall for snacks instead. Even my dreams are mocking me. FML
Today, after jumping into a public swimming pool, the female lifeguard, who I have had a crush on for years whistled at me. When I got out of the water, she handed me the bathing suit I'd apparently lost. FML
Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana Grace. My sister just revealed she is having a girl and naming her Hana Grace since "the name is up for grabs now". FML
Today, I woke up and poured myself a large glass of orange juice from a carton and took a big gulp only to realize it was liquid eggs. FML
Today, my boyfriend showed me his need for speed. It was amazing, except he showed it to me with my new car while running away from the cops. FML
horriblelife3006 tells us more.
Hi guys OP here! And I'm so excited as this is my first published FML! So I'm here to clarify some things! #1 - Yeap luckily I wasn't in the car at the time it happened but I did saw it from a distance. And many of you have asked for me to break up with him but I didn't as he did not commit a serious offence! He was rushing to the hospital as his Mother was ill and he was in such a state of panic that he didn't knew he was speeding so I apologise if it's confusing but at the time that I was posting This, I did not know about why he was speeding! Perhaps I should have said speeding away from the cops instead of running away! So I do hope it clarified any issues! Do continue to leave more comments and I will get back to you guys later! Thank you!
Today, I was trying to cook a pizza for lunch at my in-laws. I preheated the oven and took my dog out to go potty. I come back in to find the house filled with smoke, the detector going off, and a fire in the oven. Apparently, my mother-in-law left a tray of glass candle holders in it. FML
Today, my dad is obsessed with making sure that I am not in any way 'bare' in front of the windows of our house. Which is surrounded by tall trees, five metres worth of tall trees. I'm not sure whether to be creeped out that someone might see me or that my dad is unhealthily obsessed about this. FML
HellCat44 tells us more.
HellCat44 17
OP, here. Once, I got out of the shower and wrapped myself in a towel. It was hot so I cracked a window to let in fresh air. Somehow that was indecent and I got yelled at, and he's been on my case ever since.
Today, on my second morning at college, I tried to make coffee using my Keurig. I realized after I got back from my shower that I hadn't put a cup under the machine. All 3 drawers of my dresser are now filled with coffee. FML
Today, I was taking a shower in a hostel when the girl in the cubicle next to mine decided to blow her nose onto the shower floor. The water from her cubicle was flowing into mine and I ended up standing in a puddle of fresh watery snot. FML
Today, I made quite an impression on my new bin men by forgetting to put the bin out 'til the last minute. I'm sure they enjoyed a good laugh at the woman in shorts, tank top and slippers struggling with a brolly as she slipped and slid while dragging her bin up a hill in a downpour. FML
Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and see if I was OK was my World of Warcraft guild leader after I didn't show up to raid. FML
Today, I need a new mattress. Last night, I slept on the floor. It was the best sleep I've had in a while. FML
Today, I was helping my Grandfather to sort through tubs and bins after cleaning out his attic, and I had to move a 50lb bin downstairs. That's when the dog thought it would be funny to block the top of the stairs as I was going down. FML
Today, I overheard two classmates wondering who Joan of Arc was. They agreed among themselves that she had to be the wife of Noah. We're in college. FML
Emmereen tells us more.
Emmereen 29
It didn't sound like they were, but I suppose I can give them the benefit of the doubt.
Today, it's my birthday and I'd invited quite a lot of my friends to come round and have some fun. When I got home, I saw a few cars outside. It turned out to be for the neighbours. I waited and waited; none of my friends showed up. FML
Today, I accidentally farted in the middle of my grandfather's funeral and my cousin started cracking up. It caused a chain reaction of laughter throughout all of the other cousins and my siblings. Now my aunts won't speak to any of us. FML
Today, I was in a public toilet. I looked down and realised someone in the stall next to me was peeing on my foot underneath the divider. They didn't even attempt to aim for the toilet bowl. FML
Today, my house flooded. Hundreds of dollars worth of art supplies, multiple video game systems, academic awards from middle school, birthday cards from my deceased grandfather; it's all gone. What remained untouched? The cat's litter box, which somehow floated. FML.
KiraK_320 tells us more.
KiraK_320 20
Hi everyone, OP here (well my nickname's gonna show so I'm not sure I needed to say it, but whatever)! Thanks for all the wishes and hugs. <3 First, I saw a few people ask about the cat; she's perfectly fine! And it wasn't actually my cat, it was my mom's boyfriend's... My cat and I live in Baton Rouge in an apartment with my dad, and I had just moved in there in April, so the majority of my things were here but... I had left my memorabilia box (the cards from my grandfather, a lot of childhood books and stuffed animals, the awards, etc.) at my mom and her boyfriend's house in Denham Springs (which, to any of you fellow Louisianians, you know the entire town was flooded), and I had forgotten some of my art supplies and old sketchbooks there alongside my Xbox and Wii unfortunately.Anyway, I actually have some good news: I had submitted this before I was able to go back to the house to salvage things and so when I did manage to go through the flooded stuff (after the water receded, of course), I was able to save a lot of it! Funnily enough, my Wii had been in a plastic tub that also floated, so that was safe. I got to wring out my stuffed animals, and wash them at a laundromat, and I also managed to carefully separate the flooded cards and lay them out in the sun to dry... very happy about that! Again, thanks guys :^) and to any of you that went through the flood as well, I hope you're doing ok and that your families were safe.
Today, while at a baseball game, I was telling my friends about my underaged drinking experience at my sister's bachelorette party. It wasn't until I was done telling the story that I realized the Dean of my college was right behind us, looking right at me. So much for a good first impression. FML
fuckingcool tells us more.
fuckingcool 10
I never claimed that I was "cool" for drinking and I wasn't bragging only telling my friends about a fun experience I had celebrating my sisters engagement. I had gotten into a 21 and up club and I only brought it up because they had been sharing similar experiences that they had. Hop off your high horse and don't shame me for drinking underaged when people in Europe start drinking by age 16 the latest, I was 18. I didn't drive, I didn't get sloppy or make out with any strangers. I just had a fun night of dancing and some drinks with my sisters and her friends. Arrest me!
Today, I was wondering why my cheap and overall great apartment had been available for so long. After some research, it's now pretty clear: my landlord is, apparently, a well-known slumlord. FML
LifeAndLemons95 tells us more.
Hi! I'm the OP (as you can probably tell) and I should probably explain some things. This happened a while back but it's a great lesson in being more critical. First, #8 is very right with the explanation of the term. Also, I said "cheap" because it was actually affordable and quite fair in size contrary to many others where you're promised 13m2 for about 450$ more or less. Second, I didn't sign the lease. I only checked to see if they were actually legit owners of the place since many get scammed that way. I didn't think about checking if they were actually good at what they're doing. That was pretty naive of me and definitely a lesson learned. I'm very sorry for all of you who had to experience this, and I hope you're in a better apartment now where you feel like you're heard and respected. Also, thank you to all of you who showed me sympathy even if you didn't know how it turned out. It's really sweet of you. :) Last, I'd like to say that I'm not ungrateful and I'd never dare to be! I'm easily excited and I am thankful for all fortunes in life. It's not an issue of being grateful or not but rather about being in a situation that is safe and comfortable. I didn't feel either of those when I found out and I had to react to that. I hope you understand! Okay. Ramble over. I hope that cleared up a bit of your questions!
Today, my overprotective dad bolted all of my windows shut so that I don't turn out like my sister and sneak out or sneak boys in. FML
Today, my brother showed my wife a Craigslist ad by someone seeking casual sex. It had very specific details that made it seem like I wrote it. My brother later admitted in private that he made the post as revenge for me not loaning him $500 last month. Meanwhile, my wife still thinks I'm unfaithful. FML
Today, it's again one of many times my mom dropped me off at the mall to hang out with friends. Since I have no friends, I shop by myself and always tell her I had "so much fun". FML
Today, my boyfriend crashed our car into the car ahead. He was trying to pull away from the traffic lights faster than the person next to us, a ten-year-old kid on a bicycle. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dad screaming that the ship was sinking. I started freaking out before I realized that I was sleeping on my couch at home and was not in fact on a ship. FML
Today, my mother told me that I could take a friend on vacation with us. Then she added that because I have no friends, my brother can bring his girlfriend instead. FML
Today, I received a birthday card from my dad, over a week late. It was addressed to me using my maiden name, the enclosed check also made out to me using my maiden name. I've been married for over 10 years. FML
Today, my husband offered to do the weekly grocery shopping. Because he has never done the shopping before, I made him a list of what we needed and other optional foods to give him an idea of what to get. He came back with a week's worth of ramen noodles and 2 litres of soda. FML
Today, a cute guy came up to me and asked for my phone number. I was super excited and began to write it down when he said, "It doesn't have to be your real number, I'm not gonna call anyway." I still gave him my real number. FML
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