Today, at a tutoring center, one of the tutors looked at my worksheet and laughed. She then showed all the other tutors my mistakes and they laughed along with her. The best part? They all speak Chinese and they think I can't understand them. I'm Chinese. FML
Today, I was having dinner at my aunt's house who just migrated to Germany from India and doesn't know any German. I asked for the recipe of a dish and she said that she has been buying these cans with cute kitty picture and just adds spices to it. Cat food is delicious I must admit. FML
Today, I woke up suddenly with giant bugs biting my legs. I screamed, ripped the blanket off the bed and bolted to the bathroom to recover. Turns out it was all a dream, and the person who needed to recover most was my shell-shocked boyfriend who had been sleeping soundly beside me. Sorry, babe. FML
Today, I found out my mom sleeps in my room when I'm at college during the week. I discovered this my bumping into her dildo with my foot. FML
Today, I wanted to take a nap after cleaning my apartment, so I put the trash outside the front door and put a note on the door for my roommate, saying, "Please take the trash out when you leave for work." When I woke up, the note was gone but the trash was still there. FML
Today, it was my 21st birthday and I invited a handful of my best friends over. They all stood me up and I drank alone in my apartment. Happy birthday to me. FML
Today, they opened a new firing range behind my housing block. No big deal, except they are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. FML
Today, I took my wife to a country concert for her birthday, even though I can't stand country. While she had the time of her life, I was punched twice, had a beer dropped on me, and had a rather large, drunk woman fall on me. Happy birthday, baby. FML
Senseless_487 tells us more.
Hey guys, OP here. While the music itself wasn't the worst thing in the world, and I did find out that Luke Bryan can be very funny, I found that the people who attend country concerts really aren't my cup of tea (I'm more of a pop punk/alternative kind of guy, i.e. blink 182, Yellowcard, etc.). To answer one question about getting punched, it turns out the guys behind me were very drunk and felt like messing with someone, and they picked me. So they each punched me in the head, and then one of them dropped the beer on me. I didn't have to do anything about it because the people around us kicked their asses and made them leave. And as to the people saying "suck it up," we all do things we don't enjoy for love, but when it crosses the line to physical violence and bodily harm, it becomes something that you can bitch about. She puts up with my geeky shit all the time without complaint, and I wouldn't have had a single complaint about spending my night at a country concert, but I went home cold, wet, smelling of beer, and in a lot of pain. I earned the right to bitch a little bit.
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and panicked because I couldn't find my blankie. I'll be 36 in a month. FML
Today, a cute guy complimented me on my legs. I, being the awkward person that I am, panicked and replied, "Thanks, I grew them myself." FML
Today, my girlfriend and her mother bought a hanger for my $2000 guitar as a birthday present. They wanted to surprise me by hanging it on the wall. They screwed it upside down, so before I came home it fell off and my guitar broke. FML
Today, it's my birthday. The only gift I got was a book on the history of cancers. Not the illness, the zodiac sign. I'm a Virgo. I don't even like astrology. FML
stupidpplsuck tells us more.
op here i wouldn't have cared about not getting a gift at all, especially since money is a little tight right now. But the fact that there was a gift and it was something that doesn't really pertain to me or my interests is was got me a little down. I'm still gonna read it and I appreciate the thought, but I would have preferred just a card or something.
Today, while visiting my grandparents, I was afraid that one of their many cats would pee on me. I was peed on all right, by my grandma. FML
Today, I found out that apparently the pipes for my toilet were never connected, so anything you flush just falls out onto the basement floor downstairs. I've lived here 4 years. FML
Today, I found out the guys I live with have an ongoing contest to see if they can hit targets on the inside of the toilet lid with urine when they pee. I could forgive this in my seven-year-old son, but not my forty-year-old husband. FML
Today, my social anxiety got so bad that my 12 year-old daughter had to get in the driver's seat to order from the drive-thru. FML
Today, I was laying in my bed and discovered a couple of stray black hairs scattered about. This was odd considering I have light strawberry blonde hair but I forgot about it only to later see my hair brush have more of the same black hairs. I live alone. I'm scared. FML
Today, someone spilled ammonium hydroxide in ethanol solution in the lab, which smells like very concentrated urine. Since the experiment involved Bunsen burners, we couldn't turn on the fans. We had to work in a lab that smelled like Satan's piss for two hours. FML
Today, as I was walking up to a urinal I heard a small hiss. I looked up just in time to get an eye full of chemicals from the automatic air freshener. I rinsed my eye out and went back to the urinal. It happened again. FML
Today, I lifted up a watermelon, not realising it had gone bad. The thing exploded like an alien giving birth. Stinking juice and rotten inside all over the kitchen. Even behind the build-in closets. It smells like rotten fruit cheese and I can't reach behind the closets. FML
Today, I was taking a quiz online called "Do Your Friends Actually Like You?" I quit after two questions because I remembered I don't actually have any friends. FML
bish_wut tells us more.
Hello, everyone! I'm the OP. I am so shocked/ excited this actually got posted! First off, thanks for all the kind comments, I smiled quite a few times haha. As for my friendless life, I am homeschooled due to many health problems I have, such as anxiety, so being home alone all day, it's quite hard to make friends. But I do realize I could do something about it instead of sitting here moaping. My birthday is in 2 days, so my sister is going to help me invite some neighbors and hopefully I can make some friends :) (#3 and #4, thanks friends :D) Thanks for the luck everyone, I think I'll definitely need it.
Today, I managed to spill Superglue on the one place you absolutely shouldn't spill Superglue. FML
Today, it's my birthday and I'd planned to take my family and friends to dinner with my own money. My mom just informed me that she'd messaged everyone that I'd canceled the dinner. She instead wants to use my money to buy my older brother a gun for his birthday, which is in two days. FML
mckenna9797 tells us more.
Hey everyone, OP here. Thank you everyone for your birthday wishes. I called my friends and got it rescheduled for Saturday luckily, although one or two might not be able to. As for my mom, she had a joint account with me due to when I was 17, and I just haven't gotten to it to change it to just me when I turned 18 last year, because she usually never does this. My mom does seem to like my brother more than me which is a little messed up but she usually respects me and treats me very well. She's a nice person and decent parent, but a little weird sometimes. She didn't have any money to spend on his birthday due to just paying rent for the month with her paycheck. She did however have no right to use my money or cancel my plans. That was uncalled for and definitely not right. As for the gun itself as a present to my brother, he's turning 23 and just got back from a year deployment to Germany. She wanted to do something special for him and he really wanted a mosin nagant rifle for a couple years now. I would have bought it for him honestly if. she asked because I get paid tomorrow. I hope that answers all your questions!
Today, I found a thong at my boyfriend's house. When I confronted him about it, he panicked and claimed it was his mom's. Right. FML
Today, I realized just how shy and awkward I really am when I averted my eyes to avoid making eye contact with someone who turned out to be a cardboard cut-out. FML
Today, I entered a raffle at a local fashion designer event; the prize was $400 credit at the store that was hosting it (which was just enough for one of their dresses). Good news: I won! Bad news: they don't carry a single thing above a women's size 5. I'm 6'2" and 180 lbs. FML
Today, my teacher called a friend and me out of class and told us we had been reported for plagiarism because our answers to a problem were nearly identical, and he said that I shouldn't have shared my work. This for an assignment where significant marks were awarded for collaborating with peers. FML
Today, after not hanging out with anyone the whole year, a guy finally asked me to go the movies with him. When I asked what time, he said, "Never mind, I found another girl." FML
Today, I received my uniform for culinary school. I'm 5'4" and 110 lbs, and during sizing even an XS uniform swam on me. On the other hand, I need huge shoes for my size 10 feet. Apparently, the school decided to ignore my sizing sheet and simply give me standard medium uniforms and size 8 shoes. FML
Today, I had a full day of work, a social event, and a doctor's appointment. My son looked at me when I got home and said, "Are your pants on backwards?" Yes, yes they were. All day. FML
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