Miscellaneous: Today, my husband told me to hold out my hand. He opened his,... - FML

By fmlpgh - 16/02/2010 11:51 - United States

Today, my husband told me to hold out my hand. He opened his, and in mine dropped a giant mutant tooth he had pulled a few months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 500

You deserved it 2 692

Broken heart

Alexa, play "Panic" by The Smiths

Great mom you got there

Caught in 404p

By bgierczak2 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, my wallet was stolen from my purse at work. When I asked my boss to pull the security tape so we could identify the thief, he said, "I don't think I want to know who it is." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 709

You deserved it 1 760

By Anonymous - 22/03/2014 04:49 - United States - Houston

Today, I met my future mother-in-law. All went well; she complimented my dress, and I complimented her haircut. Then she and her son had a screaming match over how our children will be fat because of their mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 772

You deserved it 3 936

Whisky dickhead

By noO - 07/02/2016 17:43 - United States - Greenwood

Spicy

Today, for the seventh weekend in a row, I left my weekly visit with my long-distance boyfriend unsatisfied. Seems he enjoys getting shit-faced drunk more than he enjoys getting a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 117

You deserved it 3 851

Naughty girl

By Anonymous - 31/10/2019 14:00 - Canada - Prince George

Today, my mom found out that I got a tattoo two years ago. She got mad and spanked me. I'm 33 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 881

You deserved it 463

By Anonymous - 02/03/2017 17:00 - Canada - Elora

Spicy

Today, I was cleaning my older brothers room in my mom's house after he had just moved out with his girlfriend. I guess I was multitasking a little too much and not paying too much attention to what I was doing and I realized 15 seconds later, I was holding a used condom in my right hand, FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 394

You deserved it 1 546

By My_Cow_kiM - 28/04/2009 23:05 - United States

Today, I told my mom I'm severely allergic to my cat and that the doctor told me it would be best to get rid of the cat. Somewhat jokingly, I told her it was either me or the cat. She chose the cat. She was serious too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 393

You deserved it 5 585

By kay - 03/12/2009 02:06 - United States

Today, I received an e-mail from my stepmom. It was a picture of a boy that she said she thought I might like to know. Next to the picture was the message "he comes from a good military background". My love life is so pathetic that my stepmother feels the need to try and set me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 247

You deserved it 4 907

By Anonymous - 03/07/2016 23:22

Today, after months of planning and saving for our honeymoon in Italy, my wife and I were turned away at the airport because my passport only has a month until it expires, even though it's only a five-day trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 089

You deserved it 3 873

By anonymous - 23/01/2016 01:56 - United States - Indiana

Today, my boyfriend picked his nose and tried to stick his booger up my nose, claiming that it was time to plant his "seed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 413

You deserved it 2 890

Hello everyone!

By Anonymous - 18/04/2020 08:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were sexting, and he asked me if I would be naked and waiting for him when he got home. When he told me he was on his way, I took my clothes off and got into bed. What he didn’t tell me was he was bringing friends to pick up a desk from our place for their office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 460

You deserved it 292

By Anonymous - 05/07/2012 19:10 - United States - Findlay

Today, my waiter turned to me and asked, "Let me guess, Miss I'm-not-fat-I'm-fluffy wants a diet coke?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 691

You deserved it 9 983

By speed-dialing dr kevorkian - 27/02/2016 07:25 - United States - Two Rivers

Today, my mom came home heavily drunk. As I was taking care of her, she told me all about how I was a mistake. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when she told me she wishes I'd died during her pregnancy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 047

You deserved it 1 298

By Bigfatfailure - 28/03/2013 10:02 - United States - Garden Grove

Spicy

Today, I got dumped during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 368

You deserved it 9 825

Constructive criticism

By Anonymous - 26/03/2020 08:02

Today, I had just finished a really intense workout in my garage gym. It was chilly outside, but I crossed the road home in my shorts, as I was still pretty hot and sweaty. A woman walked by and asked, "Aren't you cold, you skinny little whore?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 946

You deserved it 232

By Anonymous - 09/03/2014 19:31 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I was on the subway, when the girl opposite me suddenly started shouting and accusing me of photographing her. I was reading a book on my phone, and I showed her the screen, but I got shoved around anyway by another guy, who threatened to report me for being a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 032

You deserved it 3 261

By Anonymous - 25/10/2011 18:46 - United States

Today, it was my first day on duty as a rookie cop. Everything was going great, and even the veterans on the force were warming up to me. That is until my mother came into the station carrying a brown bag for my lunch. Written on the bag was, "Lunch for my big boy. I love you, pumpkin." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 941

You deserved it 6 310

By Kerrilyn - 17/05/2009 14:39 - United States

Today, I was waiting in the car while my mom went into a store to get beer. A few minutes later, some guy was knocking on my window telling me to open the door. I started cursing him out, thinking I was getting attacked. Turns out he worked there and was putting the beer in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 974

You deserved it 54 856

By 420curse - 05/05/2015 18:20 - United States - San Mateo

Spicy

Today, I found out the "sex noises" I heard from next door last night, which I'd angrily yelled at my neighbor for, were actually from him having an uncontrollable seizure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 557

You deserved it 15 094

By lifeguardfuckup - 14/02/2019 15:17 - United States

Today, while lifeguarding, I received six prank phone calls on the official pool phone. When it rang again, I picked it up, told them to go fuck themselves, hung up, and then left the phone off the hook. A second later, my cellphone rang. It was my boss, telling me to get a sense of humor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 648

You deserved it 8 477

By Anonymous - 19/03/2019 08:00 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, I've reached a level of tired I didn't think was possible. I've had less than 3 hours sleep in the last 72 hours and have not slept more than 20 minutes each stretch because my newborn is so unsettled. The baby has been peacefully sleeping for the last 3 hours and I can't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 966

You deserved it 262

By detour165 - 26/12/2013 05:30 - Australia - Ascot Vale

Today, while staying at my brother's place for the Christmas holidays, I had to leave because he threatened to "take me outside". Apparently he doesn't like being corrected on whether a certain car has a long wheel base version, so I guess the family Christmas is over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 747

You deserved it 3 709

By Anonymous - 26/06/2011 21:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went on a third date with this guy, hoping I'd finally get some action. I got a high five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 971

You deserved it 10 580

There you go

By Anonymous - 04/07/2018 01:30

Today, our work computers are down so I've been trying to fix it via my home computer for 3 days. My 12-year-old son took one look at the screen, changed 2 settings on a drop down menu, and the problem was fixed. My 12-year-old is better at my job than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 805

You deserved it 1 491

By BabyDaddy - 30/05/2010 08:05 - Australia

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of five months is pregnant. Apparently, she stopped taking her pill two months ago because "we" wanted a baby. I don't recall ever having that discussion with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 603

You deserved it 9 778

By hunter168647 - 02/07/2011 05:50 - United States

Today, I bought an otter box. While setting up my iPhone, I dropped it and it is now shattered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 129

You deserved it 8 553

By Anonymous - 15/01/2011 15:33 - United States

Today, I went to dinner with friends for my birthday. During the whole thing they insisted that we get whatever we wanted and celebrate, but when the check came, they all looked at me expectantly. I just bought my friends $150 of food for my birthday present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 624

You deserved it 4 725

By u.p.i.c. - 02/08/2019 22:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, the smell of my own fart made me feel hungry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 534

By brsoxgirl - 15/07/2011 05:51 - United States

Today, I learned why my boyfriend of 10 months and I never hang out at his place. He still lives at home with his mother. He's 38. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 722

You deserved it 5 852

By puggles - 03/01/2011 06:52 - United States

Today, I found out that my beautiful engagement ring is a remake of the late Princess Diana's engagement ring. I also found out my fiancé bought it from an infomercial, for $19.95. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 593

You deserved it 7 731

By samaris - 08/07/2016 21:19

Today, 5 months after doing a shoot for a stock photo site, someone finally used one of my photos. In an article about meth abuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 243

You deserved it 1 160

By Flaps - 27/11/2010 12:36 - United States

Today, my boss fired me for being on Facebook at work. He did it via a wall post on Facebook saying, "ur fired." Six of my friends liked this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 028

You deserved it 38 492

You snooze, you lose

By Anonymous - 28/09/2019 22:00

Today, I got turned down by the person who has been wanting to date me for five months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 208

You deserved it 994

By chloeguest97 - 20/09/2011 15:15 - United Kingdom

Today, a guy who I hate commented on my Facebook profile picture that I "look like I've fallen off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down." 60 people liked this, including my boyfriend and best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 232

You deserved it 8 102

By Teiu88 - 20/10/2013 14:34 - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, I realized how bad my OCD is when I accidentally got a paper cut and I was annoyed by the fact that the cut wasn't in a straight line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 633

You deserved it 6 883

You tried

By well okay then - 10/09/2012 04:39 - United States

Today, while shopping, I saw a little girl and her mom. The girl was pouting so I tried to cheer her up by asking her if she was a princess, because she was so pretty. She smiled but her mom looked at me with disgust and told me to, "Get lost, pedo." I'm a 17-year-old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 937

You deserved it 3 440

By sleepwalker - 14/09/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in my math class. Turns out I sleep walk. I woke up at the front of the room with chalk in my hand, scribbles on the board behind me, and the whole class laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 552

You deserved it 8 359

By i tried so hard - 08/01/2016 15:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I tried really hard for once on an assignment. I was told it was my worst work yet and that I may as well have turned nothing in at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 762

You deserved it 2 211

Mommy issues

By Anonymous - 30/11/2021 20:01

Today, my mother is such a nosy, intruding busybody, she has driven away my last three boyfriends who could no longer stand her. My latest fella had even proposed, but he asked for the ring back and you can bet he blamed my mother for repeatedly involving herself in our private business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 377

Wokescolds arise!

By Anonymous - 14/04/2021 19:59

Today, my ex-boyfriend who is now transitioning to female, called me transphobic for dumping them, and now most of my 'friends' hate me and I've garnered an awful reputation because of it. I guess they 'forgot' I broke up with them because they cheated on me, and also forgot the fact that I myself am trans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 210

You deserved it 206

By springbreak09 - 01/04/2009 06:03 - Mexico

Today, I left for vacation in Mexico. Upon landing, I received a text message from the guy I've been seeing. It read, "Sorry, I'm not boyfriend material. Have a good trip." I paid 75 cents to get dumped, internationally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 827

You deserved it 5 634

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 20:08

Next time you can offer him the giant, mutant tampon you pulled out of your ladyparts.

FernandoTorres_fml 0

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 20:06

A tooth for a tooth, exchange him your most prized molar.

Comments

brandibombastic 0

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 20:03

hahah

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 20:21

True love and kinky ROLF

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 23:16

people just don't understand the point of "FML" I swear it is literarly what the name says, it's not " My Stupid Day" it is F*** My Life

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 3:28

haha I was thinking the same thing-at least he didn't give you herpes

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 5:15

#60 It is sometimes literally the moment that ruined your day as Pendatic can do a better job of explaining. Sometimes the OP's life is truly FUBAR. Other times, it's just a crappy moment. I'm not saying this post is FML-worthy but they are not all crises.

iSwag 0

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 5:19

who cares this isn't an fml...wash your hands, and when you're done cancel your your account

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 5:48

u have big lip dog

tweetbaby14 18

Wednesday 17 February 2010 8:11

does he expect you to do the whole tooth fairy bit with him

iSwag 0

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 17:57

Caleb865 why the fuck are you looking at my lips? Even if you carelessly noticed something like my lips, you being another guy, felt the need to comment why? take that skirt off and control those homosexual urges boy

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Sunday 6 June 2010 8:23

#90 big lips and a hole in your RIGHT ear

iheartsunshine14 0

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Sunday 4 July 2010 10:50

I thought you were a girl... :/

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 20:05

YDI for marrying an 11 year old.

moneypenny_fml 0

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 21:18

his tooth? or is he a dentis? cause it's creepy if he keept someone elses tooth

FernandoTorres_fml 0

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 20:06

A tooth for a tooth, exchange him your most prized molar.

repyourcliche 0

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 20:06

why is that disgusting exactly?

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 20:51

Then how do you brush your teeth if you are disgusted by them..

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 3:56

how the hell can u be afraid of teeth? ur breath must be stank cuz ur too disgusted to brush them, lol

drawmesunshine 17

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 5:05

I totally get what you mean, yo. It's like hair: it's ok when it's still attatched and clean, but once it's been seperated from the body, it's just gross.

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 5:18

OP did say it was a mutant tooth so that sounds fairly disgusting. The bigger question is where had it been all those months? If he just found it under the couch or something, that definitely qualifies as gross.

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 20:08

Kinkey

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 20:08

Next time you can offer him the giant, mutant tampon you pulled out of your ladyparts.

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 20:12

lol

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 20:16

HAHAA! nice.

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 20:42

@7 Dude, you rock!!! FTW!!

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 23:23

:D

milkshakesrule 0

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 0:56

Lol, 7 wins.

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 20:10

make a necklace out of it ^•^

CupCakeGirl101 0

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 20:10

that narsty!

MermaidSongXOXO 6

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 20:11

Whoa. He needs to slow his roll :] Girls can only handle so much romance.

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 1:14

Especially not a mouthful of it.

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 20:12

OP you're the kind of woman that shouldn't be allowed out of the kitchen.

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 16

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 573

You deserved it 166

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 2 732