Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML
Today, my fiancée told me she can't marry me. Our wedding day is tomorrow and around 20 of our 180 guests attending have travelled half way around the world just for the occasion. FML
Today, I was cuddling my new boyfriend, when he went in to kiss me for the first time. Sadly, I reflexively kneed him in the balls. FML
Today, I am 20 weeks pregnant. My fiancé has decided my new nickname will be "Oink Oink". FML
Today, for the first time in months, a woman started flirting with me. She was wearing a sparkly shirt with "Team Edward" written on it. FML
CreamGravy tells us more.
CreamGravy 36
My whole love life seems to just be one big FML doesn't it?
Today, my boyfriend blew me off yet again because he claims he has a responsibility as a "crew leader" to train and recruit members at all times, to accommodate all time zones. GTA V is ruining our relationship. FML
carla6991 tells us more.
I actually do play with him and am commissioner of the crew and am a bit of a gamer myself. However, I require a bit more than 2 hours of sleep and don't feel like playing during every bit of spare time I have. We had a talk about it last night though and he agreed to cut down when I'm home from work so we'll see!
Today, I realized I can't afford to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years, as we split the rent. I'll need a second job just to get out of my bad relationship. FML
emopoe tells us more.
emopoe 12
OP here. I can't live with a roommate, did that for 4 years and learned a lot about what happens when your roomie doesn't come up with their half of the rent, and lost way too many friends that way. It would be worse than what I'm dealing with now. Our apartment is already the cheapest in town, I don't have parents or friends to move in with. The bright side is, my boyfriend is NOT abusive. And to the nasty comments that say YDI for using him for money, I clearly stated we split the rent.
Today, I yet again had to pretend to be a dumb bimbo so that my boyfriend wouldn't get upset over the fact that, in some cases, I might be smarter than him. FML
Today, my boyfriend won a diamond engagement ring through a citywide competition. Instead of proposing to me, he's selling it. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to the doctor's for an ultrasound, as I'm 7 months pregnant. Then he went home and took his wife out to dinner for her birthday. FML
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my mom. The first thing my mom did was look at her breasts and mention that no matter what happens, hers were the first that I suckled on. FML
Today, I was reminded that while I have a nice waist, bum and boobs, I'm unspeakably ugly. I was walking down the street when a guy wolf-whistled from behind me, and when I turned around, he visibly recoiled in disgust. FML
Today, a cute guy ditched his date and walked up to me, calling me beautiful. Not knowing how to reply, I just blushed. His date got angry and left. "Sorry. I take that back," he then said. "I was just trying to get rid of her. Thanks anyway." FML
Today, I was training at work on proper techniques of physical restraint. As my coworker was practicing on me, I realized this was the first time I've had physical contact with a man in years. I'm ashamed to admit how good it felt to feel his weight pressed into my back as I pretended to resist. FML
Today, after watching an episode of New Girl, my boyfriend became obsessed with the "Cotton-eyed Joe" song. He won't stop playing it. FML
Today, I was on a dinner date with a guy I really like. I guess I was on my phone too much because halfway through the date he sent me a text saying how much my half of the bill would be. FML
Today, the person I've been trying so hard to get with wrote me a beautiful poem that almost everyone at my school saw and liked. It was about how we'd never be together. FML
Today, I got married. The officiant of the ceremony referred to me as Amanda through my ceremony. My name is Anna. FML
Today, at the age of 23, I brought my boyfriend over to meet my parents. My father swabbed his mouth for DNA and fingerprinted him. FML
kelbel89 tells us more.
kelbel89 6
Hey guys. This is the full scoop. My father is about 5'9'' and my boyfriend is 6'4''. My dad was going to intimidate him in anyway he could. He started the night off by answering the door and telling my BF that I was out on my real date for the night. Obviously, my dad has a very dry sense of humor. I don't think he was actually going to send what he collected to a lab, but he didn't crack a smile the whole time it was going on. I tried to stop him, multiple times, at which point my dad said that my boyfriend was lucky he couldn't find any latex gloves that day because it meant he was going to have to skip the prostate exam. My mother was there and thought it was hilarious. My boyfriend is wonderful and rolled with the punches. He took it very well and we are still together. :) Many of you asked if my dad works in law enforcement. Nope, he's just a Texan (which I feel I should point out my boyfriend is not). My father is incredibly proud of himself, I think even more so now that so many of the comments were in his favor. I was, and still am, absolutely mortified.
Today, I went with my boyfriend to his church youth group for the first time. I found out a girl there likes him, when she decided to pull me off him while we were hugging, and take my place. FML
Today, my boyfriend's dad said he'd given my boyfriend £100 to take me out for a meal last night and he hoped I'd enjoyed it. Last night my boyfriend and I went to Pizza Hut, shared a pizza and split the bill. Turns out my boyfriend had simply pocketed the money without telling anyone. FML
Today, I sent my girlfriend a text this morning saying I love you. I rarely do this and instead of receiving the same message back, I got a message from my girlfriend accusing me of meaning to send it to someone else and dumped me. FML
Today, I got proposed to. I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years and we have 2 kids. It was perfect, except it was my ex-boyfriend who proposed to me. FML
Today, I finally handed my girlfriend a portrait of her. I'm not the best drawer, but I spent weeks on it and I thought it turned out pretty good. When she looked at it, she asked what kind of dog was it. FML
Today, I texted a cute picture of my boyfriend and me to my mom, who lives very far away. She replied saying that my Photoshop skills are great, but that I don't need to go so far to pretend that anyone would date me, and that there's no shame in being single at 25. FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, but the ring turned out to be quite tight on her finger. She then chewed me out, saying that I can't do anything right, then changed her answer to no. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. We are on a cruise together. She has already found another room to sleep in. FML
Today, my husband and I switched phones by accident. I've already received several naked pictures from one of his co-workers. FML
Today, I broke up with my abusive girlfriend. She responded by breaking into my place and stabbing my hamster with a fork. FML
Today, I woke up from a night of heavy drinking to find my girlfriend dumped me. Apparently I drunk-called her last night and told her that someone as beautiful as her could be with someone way better than me. She agreed. FML
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