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By IDon't / Sunday 13 October 2013 10:49 / Australia - Berkeley Vale
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By  SuddenDeath5  |  15

He doesn't deserve to marry you, you can obviously do better!

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Fiancé is male, fiancée is female. There is a difference!

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  Dr0n3  |  21

Comment moderated or buried due to negative votes. Show the comment

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  KushCrushin89  |  10

I thumbed 55 down simply because you mentioned it. Well done, if you'd have kept your mouth shut they'd have one less down vote.

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  imagineapc  |  11

2...you have no idea how much I wish I did not go through with my first marriage. I was standing there next to him and something was telling me that it wouldn't work, but we said our "I do's" anyway. 6 months later I moved 1200 miles away as he was going to ultrasounds with his baby mama. Bleh.

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  monnanon  |  13

maybe she thought she could go througj with it but the bad feelings kept increasing. it sucks but its better than having to get a divorce. OP have a big party to cheer yourself up. why let all the planning and money go to waste. eveeyone is coming anyway right?

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  Caitie_kid  |  8

I agree total bs when people do this so close to a wedding. These kind of thoughts should be addressed before they ever even say yes to a proposal. Selfish.

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Maybe they realized that they'd been ignoring certain signs before that they didn't actually want to be with the person for their whole lives. As inconvenient as it is to call off a wedding, it's way less messy than a divorce. Yes, ideally the person would figure out long before the day before the wedding, and yes, it sucks big time for everyone involved, but how many messy divorces would be averted if the couple realized before, rather than after, the wedding day that they didn't actually want to be together for the rest of their lives?

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#25 So assuming there was a good reason and she didn't address it, does that mean she now has to go through with the wedding, no matter what? Don't get me wrong. I have the utmost sympathy for OP. I voted FYL. And I also think that she should have said something before. But if it took her until the day before the wedding to be honest with herself, then she shouldn't go through with the wedding if she feels she just can't.

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  queerdragon  |  20

I think the person who backs out (without a good reason) should be the one to foot the bill. The girl should have to handle all the expenses associated with the wedding. But if she could not marry Op, while she had bad timing, better to do it before the vows than after she owns half your stuff.

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  Missyeru  |  14

#86 Traditionally the Bride/parents pay for the wedding. The Groom/parents pay for the reception. Also I agree FYL OP, and I'm really sorry that happened to you, but it's best to try an focus on the positive, you avoided a messy expensive divorce down the line, and you have your closest friends and family in town to cheer you up.

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  KushCrushin89  |  10

It shouldn't have even gotten that far. If you start having doubts, you should never ignore them and think you can just deal with it. When you realize you're having doubts, you should talk about it immediately. This whole situation could have been avoided.

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  ineedalogin  |  19

I think it's a horrible thing to do, especially so close to the weeding but it's so much better than actually getting married and getting divorced shortly after. If just the weeding is canceled, you waste your money. But if you get married, and it fails, you waste your time, money energy and so much more.

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  monnanon  |  13

isnt it worse if she goes through with it to sqve face? it hurts now and the timing sucks but at least they knew before getting locked into marriage.

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  addioty  |  19

117, she shouldn't have waited until the day before where a lot of guests traveled halfway around the world to see their nuptials. THAT was the selfish part.

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I hope so as well, but it still doesn't change the fact that OP's fiancée was pretty selfish and cruel when thinking about all the time and effort they put into their wedding AND the effort others put in just to come.

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  imagineapc  |  11

So she should marry someone she feels she CAN'T marry, just because of the effort it took to plan the wedding? And the effort the guests exerted to attend? Are you stupid?

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  jensen21  |  19

I think what #80 means is that OP's ex-fiancé shouldn't possibly ruin her life just so some people wouldn't be inconvenienced. And maybe some people made a vacation or family reunion out of the cancelled wedding instead of just flying back home and/or being pissed.

By  imwagdc  |  15

I've never understood why people say "yes" when they aren't 100% sure. And I've also never understood how people make it all the way to the day before or the day of and change their mind. So sorry OP it's sounds like she doesn't deserve you

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  imwagdc  |  15

There's an engagement because you have to have time to plan the wedding. Get your papers and let your family know. There has to be a ceremony or else it isn't legal. The engagement means you're 100% ready to get married. You don't get engaged and then decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with that person. You decide that while you're dating. Ugh duhhh.

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  imagineapc  |  11

And clearly none of you have ever been engaged or married. If you decide while you're dating whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, why is the divorce rate so high? I have sympathy for the guy, but its better that they didn't marry only to have an annulment or divorce.

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  imagineapc  |  11

Oddly enough #72, that's not the only reason people get divorced or call off an engagement. If either one of them felt it wasn't right, they shouldn't be getting married. Kudos to her, for having the balls to call it off. It may be cruel to him, but she is brave.

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  imagineapc  |  11

She is brave in that she stood up for herself and what she wants/needs at a time when there are several reasons for her to be ashamed/embarrassed. If that's not bravery to you, please enlighten me on what is.

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  igive  |  28

Owning up saving everybody the trouble of planning for a wedding she wasn't sure about. It's not like she suddenly didn't want to get married, she has doubts earlier on.

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  Caitie_kid  |  8

It's not brave to be completely selfish. You don't wake up the day before your wedding and just realize you can't marry your fiancé. If she's selfish enough to wait until the day before the wedding to finally voice her doubts, she should have to take responsibility for all the bills and calling all the guests to cancel. And also, yes the dating period IS for you to come to the realization on whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life with that person. The problem is that it seems like people treat getting engaged like being asked to go to the prom nowadays.

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  kelmonster  |  1

Actually many ppl wake up the day before they get married and realize they are making a mistake. I know several. They were sure up until that point then boom something inside said stop. However they went through it and are all divorced...including me.

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