Love: Today, a cute guy ditched his date and walked up to me, calling...

By okaythen - 04/10/2013 09:37 - Egypt - Cairo

Today, a cute guy ditched his date and walked up to me, calling me beautiful. Not knowing how to reply, I just blushed. His date got angry and left. "Sorry. I take that back," he then said. "I was just trying to get rid of her. Thanks anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 201

You deserved it 3 678

Love

Mother of the year

Father of the year

Best Baby Names of 2021

By Spec - 18/04/2009 18:09 - United States

Today, my blind friend bragged to a group of people that she knew all of us by smell. We all took turns standing in front of her, and she would tell us who we were. When I got in front of her, she thought I was my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 501

You deserved it 10 157

By Anonymous - 06/07/2009 20:27 - United States

Today, my girlfriend came over to talk. She just got back from a small vacation. She asked me to feed her dogs while she was gone, so I did. I even stayed with them at times so they wouldnt get lonely. My girlfriend had come over to break up with me. She didn't do so earlier because she needed her dogs fed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 898

You deserved it 3 215

By lowlife123 - 01/05/2012 03:01 - United States - Manawa

Today, I found out my boyfriend gave me a surprise birthday present: herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 811

You deserved it 7 413

By beekie9 - 14/01/2009 14:26 - United States

Today, my mom asked all the old ladies in her church to pray that I meet "someone special". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 195

You deserved it 2 215

By [SiMON] - 06/01/2009 09:51 - France

Today, I invited a girl I really like to spend the afternoon at my place. Everything went great... with my sister. They became really good friends, and me, well, I tried to alleviate my boredom in front of my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 034

You deserved it 2 819

By Anonymous - 07/08/2015 17:31 - United States - Newark

Today, the jackoffs at my new job kept making jokes about my prosthetic leg. When I finally lost my shit and told one of them to back off, he said "Woah there, Mr Pistorius!" then said he'll avoid using the restroom now in case I decide to shoot him through the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 959

You deserved it 1 878

By NeverCampingAgain - 15/02/2009 00:38 - United States

Today, I looked on my sister's phone. There was a text from her boyfriend: "Let's go camping again, I bought more condoms so we won't make a big mess this time." Last time they went camping, they borrowed my sleeping bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 546

You deserved it 7 783

By Anonymous - 11/12/2010 07:04 - United States

Today, I was at a house delivering pizza. As I walked away, I heard the mom mutter to her child, "That's why you go to college." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 756

You deserved it 6 188

Don't do favors for strangers

By Anonymous - 08/12/2020 19:58

Today, after getting a friend of a friend a job, overnight she turned into Satan, making a job I once loved a hell on earth. I should really try to get to know people before I do them a favor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 281

By Familyskank - 06/05/2009 16:57 - United States

Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 425

You deserved it 24 875

By nevergonnatrust - 18/11/2010 09:23

Today, I found out that while I see a therapist for my trust issues, my husband sleeps with our nanny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 388

You deserved it 3 601

By fuck.jpg.bmp.gif.rar.zip.shit - 12/10/2013 20:28 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I was cuddling my new boyfriend, when he went in to kiss me for the first time. Sadly, I reflexively kneed him in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 253

You deserved it 14 904

Bad Moon Rising

By SleeplessinNJ - 10/12/2020 05:01 - United States - Raritan

Today, one of my fiancé's groomsmen is an alcoholic, and my fiance is in denial about it. He's a nice guy when sober, but belligerent, disrespectful and out of control when drinking. My fiancé refuses to acknowledge my anxiety at having him in our wedding with an open bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 835

You deserved it 76

By Anonymous - 30/10/2014 22:16 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, my now ex-boyfriend actually tried to justify his cheating by saying it doesn't count as cheating if the girl's bisexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 570

You deserved it 3 087

By Anonymous - 16/05/2017 16:00

Today, I've been yawning every few minutes. Which would be fine, except every couple of yawns my jaw dislocates, and I have to put it back in place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 129

You deserved it 322

By haphazard2007 - 02/01/2012 09:44 - United States

Today, I got a gift from my wife in the form of divorce papers. She waited till after New Year's so it wouldn't show up on her taxes for 2011. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 949

You deserved it 2 837

By ayw329 - 31/01/2009 13:51 - United States

Today, I have been reading FML for 12 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 290

You deserved it 17 009

By Rehab - 11/02/2010 19:58 - United States

Today, I was looking through my computer's history to find a website I had visited. I found an online forum where my son was discussing how to inject Oxycontin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 327

You deserved it 3 717

Poor Mr Nibbles

By Karlo Kračun - 09/07/2020 08:08

Today, my mom wanted to surprise me by buying me a hamster. When I got into her car, I was actually surprised and even said, "Hi" to the hamster. When we got home, the hamster was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 569

You deserved it 96

By blacklove - 12/02/2010 20:19 - United States

Today, I got a rose from my boyfriend. The card read, "It's over." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 506

You deserved it 2 695

By TheSublime - 21/10/2009 13:54 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping a friend redecorate. She had put up some shelving, that we presumed was stable. It broke, and all the expensive vases and collectables fell to the floor. On instinct, I leapt forward to catch the closest thing. It was not the expensive vase. It was a cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 770

You deserved it 4 623

By Anonymous - 15/11/2015 04:44 - United States - Lewisville

Today, my boyfriend got pissed off and is now sulking, all because I didn't make a huge deal out of our 1-month "anniversary". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 981

You deserved it 3 673

By badluck - 21/07/2014 19:31 - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, I was out with my boyfriend, when he started browsing wedding rings. He found a ring, proposed to me right there in front of a crowd, and then was promptly denied a payment plan. We left without a ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 292

You deserved it 5 734

By graciegold95 - 06/12/2014 16:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my daughter decided it'd be funny to change the time on my clock. My boss didn't think it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 831

You deserved it 2 926

By Anonymous - 20/03/2018 15:00

Today, while bagging at a grocery store, a customer had me use some canvas bags he'd brought with him. This wouldn't have been a problem had they not reeked strongly of cat piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 722

You deserved it 205

By slicero - 07/12/2016 04:40

Today, I finally got a package for some pieces that my model kit was missing after I had contacted customer services about the problem. The package was still missing a piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 983

You deserved it 628

By ughh - 22/11/2011 13:22 - United States

Today, my mom read my diary. Then she frantically booked me an appointment with a psychiatrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 009

You deserved it 5 858

By zuut - 18/01/2009 05:22 - Australia

Today, I logged on to Facebook for the first time in nine days. No new notifications. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 201

You deserved it 9 296

By For - 28/12/2009 14:00 - United States

Today, I asked my husband if he thought I was pretty. He replied "compared to what?" He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 597

You deserved it 6 978

By noooooo - 22/01/2010 07:32 - Canada

Today, I ran 5 miles to catch the bus I take to university after missing my connection. When I got to the bus stop, I realized I had left my U-Pass on my desk at home. On top of the assignment that was due. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 984

You deserved it 8 448

By Anonymous - 08/09/2015 22:33 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I told my boyfriend about how I'm self-conscious about my B-cup breasts. About 20 minutes later, he pointed to another girl with a small chest and said, "See, you're not the only one with small tits!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 750

You deserved it 2 855

By Googlebug - 01/11/2010 10:15 - United States

Today, my dad, who lives hours away, called and told me he was getting married. Today. As in this evening. Guess I'm not invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 130

You deserved it 2 531

By animalover - 13/08/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, I swerved to avoid hitting a dog that ran in front of my car. The dog was fine but I hit a road sign, ripped off my rearview mirror, and cracked my passenger side window. When I got out to examine the damage to my car, the dog growled at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 752

You deserved it 6 591

By Anonymous - 14/08/2012 05:16 - United States - Norfolk

Today, my boyfriend used various infomercial phrases like, "Wait, there's more!" during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 335

You deserved it 4 904

By anonymous - 27/11/2011 00:12 - United States

Today, after spending hours putting up our tree and decorating it, it fell over and shattered the glass ornaments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 506

You deserved it 4 624

By CanStandup - 13/04/2017 22:00

Today, a very large lady was sitting down and panting as she watched me stock the bottom shelves at my store. Apparently, being able to squat down and stand back up repeatedly means I'm mocking her, and she threatened to report me to corporate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 074

You deserved it 263

By Anonymous - 14/04/2013 13:29 - United States

Today, is the day of the biggest concert in the state of Florida, and it's also my birthday. I was so excited to hear my mom got tickets. It was for her boyfriend and her. I'm stuck at home babysitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 821

You deserved it 4 408

By phreshrice - 07/04/2009 21:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because apparently I need to "grow up". He is the one who plays excesive Call of Duty and still has Pokémon and Bionicles in his room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 885

You deserved it 22 504

By caligirl921 - 11/12/2010 06:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. When I orgasmed, my leg flew out and I accidentally kicked him in the balls. For the next ten minutes, he lay in the fetal position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 965

You deserved it 21 047

By anonymous - 07/07/2016 15:24 - United States

Today, my friends woke me up on my birthday by spraying me with silly string. I have a job interview and it won't come out of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 734

You deserved it 1 020

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Top comments

Blink_me26 21

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Friday 4 October 2013 16:20

Well isn't he a dick.

naznafeathers 22

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Friday 4 October 2013 16:21

Or, the guy could have been honest to his date and not have to have used you like that. :l

Blink_me26 21

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Friday 4 October 2013 16:20

Well isn't he a dick.

sniken 14

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Friday 4 October 2013 16:40

dick he is, but also quite creative in his own disgusting way.

soccerstar1996 18

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Friday 4 October 2013 18:15

Barney Stinson would have been proud enough to cry

MileyC 2

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Friday 4 October 2013 18:25

not necessarily a dick depending on how cute or hot he is. she should chase after him. he's probably playing hard to get.

soccerstar1996 18

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Friday 4 October 2013 18:26

That comment brought to you by the maker of "Wrecking Ball" #39

_parth 20

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Friday 4 October 2013 21:50

Barney would have hired him as a wingman.

\ 28

Saturday 5 October 2013 23:03

He just lost 2 potential dates.

naznafeathers 22

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Friday 4 October 2013 16:21

Or, the guy could have been honest to his date and not have to have used you like that. :l

Redoxx_fml 22

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Friday 4 October 2013 16:30

You're beautiful

Damian95 16

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Friday 4 October 2013 17:36

Yeah that was a double douchebag move.

jw90 18

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Friday 4 October 2013 17:54

What's honesty anymore?

ThatGuyWhoTalks 10

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Friday 4 October 2013 23:12

#35 honesty is telling the truth, now you know

cathyfang1533 12

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Saturday 5 October 2013 2:21

What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more. I'm sorry, I had to do that.

strike2867 13

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Saturday 5 October 2013 3:43

Well instead of telling his date she was boring, he made himself the ass and spared her feelings. Now as for the other girl, he was just honest.

monnanon 13

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Saturday 5 October 2013 10:52

spared her feelings? he implied that the date was boring and not worth dealing with because he ditched her.

Kukua 5

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Saturday 5 October 2013 19:14

How did he spare her feelings? He hit on another girl while he was on a date with her. She stormed off angry - no feelings spared there! And he was only honest to the op afterward; telling her that he didn't, in fact, find her beautiful. Thankfully, with his charm, it's only a matter of time before some girl kicks him in the balls. Hopefully it's hard enough that he never breeds.

GrantEvans 14

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Friday 4 October 2013 16:21

aww :(.. OP just take it as a compliment. he wouldnt have picked you unless it wouldve made his date jealous :)

naznafeathers 22

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Friday 4 October 2013 16:27

True enough, but the "I take that back" part takes away the compliment factor imo

GrantEvans 14

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Friday 4 October 2013 19:37

sure it does.. but im sure that there were other women there so OP had to be pretty. im not saying what that guy did was right on any terms but if it were me i would take it as a compliment

Kukua 5

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Saturday 5 October 2013 19:15

You have low standards then. Try to have a bit more respect for yourself so you don't end up with a douche like him.

jdeezy01 13

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Friday 4 October 2013 16:21

I'm still having difficulty believing that there are people out there that are that big of a douche.

BntyHntrSeattle 30

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Friday 4 October 2013 16:29

Don't stop believin'.

MirandaShaee 6

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Friday 4 October 2013 16:21

Well now you know to a avoid him

Redoxx_fml 22

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Friday 4 October 2013 16:29

Yeah...don't eat at restaurants ever. Smh

graceinsheepwear 33

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Friday 4 October 2013 16:38

12, I don't know why you are syh--no one said anything about a restaurant.

Redoxx_fml 22

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Friday 4 October 2013 16:22

He's a dick, kick him in the dick

anjila77 6

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Friday 4 October 2013 16:23

Jerk alert

Wolstenholme 11

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Friday 4 October 2013 16:27

Wow he couldn't have just told his date he wasn't interested instead of getting you involved an making an ass of himself?

naznafeathers 22

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Friday 4 October 2013 16:32

I wish I could thumb this up more than once.

bruins46 6

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Friday 4 October 2013 17:22

Nah, that would be too logical.

Redoxx_fml 22

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Friday 4 October 2013 16:31

sammyjanette 17

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Friday 4 October 2013 16:31

He sounds like a supreme douche bag anyways. It's probably better that he wasn't really interested in you. Now, you don't have to suffer through his terrible personality.