By Anonymous - United States

Pants on fire

Today, I texted a cute picture of my boyfriend and me to my mom, who lives very far away. She replied saying that my Photoshop skills are great, but that I don't need to go so far to pretend that anyone would date me, and that there's no shame in being single at 25. FML

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Season finale

Sorry…

Unreasonable

By Chelsea - Australia - Perth

Today, my bag got stolen with all of my belongings at the beach. After being forced to ask strangers for money, I then travelled home on the train for an hour, wearing only a bikini. FML

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By Loveless - 29/10/2020 20:08

Sorry, but…

Today, my crush said that I was exceptionally ordinary. To my face. FML

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By letmediealready

Today I saved my wife's puppy from drowning in an icy pond and I ended up in the ER struggling to breath from the water in my lungs. When my wife showed up to see me, I caught her flirting with my doctor. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Saint Louis

Today, someone threw an open soda can at me from a car. It missed, so they circled around and threw an unopened can. That one hit. FML

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By Anonymous

The curse

Today, at a time when dating app usage is at an all time high, in 3 months I've only managed 4 likes and one brief match on Bumble. I'm not terrible looking by any means, yet I'm weeks away from my 8-year anniversary of being single. Am I cursed or something? FML

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By "ravensarepurple"

Today, I got my new cooker delivered and installed. I followed the instructions in the manual, emptied it out and turned the oven up full for 30 minutes. 20 minutes later, the inner glass shattered. FML

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By crazydog - United Kingdom

Today, my dog surprised everyone by somehow managing to climb on the roof. I followed him up and spent the next hour trying to catch him. FML

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By whatashame - United States

Today, my dad was on the couch and I sat down next to him. As I was reading a text message, I saw my dad's fat stomach sticking out so I patted it. After the first two pats, I realized I was patting in the wrong place. I patted the family jewels. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, it's my birthday. I worked late, so I was looking forward to spending a quiet evening with my husband. When he suggested we go grocery shopping, I got excited thinking he had organized a surprise party or something. He actually just took me grocery shopping. FML

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By jackpot - Venezuela

Today, I was in a parking lot looking for a spot, and after driving around for a long while I finally found one. A homeless man was taking a shit on it. FML

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By kindergarten teacher - United States - Hanford

Today, I was feeling sick and fainted while teaching my kindergarten class. I came to when one boy poured a cup of water on my face. Three kids were crying into my walkie talkie telling the office I was dead, and the rest of the class had disappeared. FML

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By Anonymous

Dumb question

Today, “Who decided that?” was apparently not the correct thing to reply to a cop. FML

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By pop - France

Today, my best friend invited me to dinner at his house. When I went to the toilet, I found my wife's wedding ring in a cup, which she'd lost a week ago. FML

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By EternalBlossom - United States

Today, I had decided that I was ready to have sex with my boyfriend. So, I called him and told him how naughty I felt, only to realize that I had called my dad. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had my first concert and was really anxious about screwing up my performance. Good news: I played fine. Bad news: as I walked off the stage, I tripped over my own feet, face-planted the floor, and busted my nose open. FML

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By

Chubby life

Today, I was tying my hair up when my dad rubbed my stomach and asked how his grandchild was doing. He knows I'm not pregnant and that I've been trying really hard to lose weight. FML

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By AnonThoughts

Fighting fit

Today, my body is so messed up that I pulled a muscle in my side while farting. FML

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By Dildno - United States - Worcester

Today, I was using my iPad for a presentation. I locked it and left it connected to the projector while I prepared to present. When I turned around to begin, I realized there had been a push notification from Groupon asking if I was still interested in a dildo. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Marsing

Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend's dog, which he got even though he knew I was allergic, literally got in between us while we were having sex. He didn't stop and got mad when I did. Now I'm itchy. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2020 05:08

Targeted

Today, I woke up and went down to my apartment's underground garage/laundry area to do my laundry and noticed my family's car in the back of the lot, as far away from the garage door as can be, had been broken into. The other, more expensive cars around the garage were untouched. FML

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By Jenny

Stalker or coincidence?

Today, I went grocery shopping at the store near my house. Upon checking out, I look up to see that my cashier is none other than the woman I went on a date with a few months ago, and whose calls and texts I ignored after she began to obsess over me. FML

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By shinee - Singapore

Today, to be nice, I baked cookies for my step-mom as a birthday present. I burnt my hand while putting them in the oven, but I'd hoped it would be worth it. When she got home, I gave one for her to try. She took a bite, spit it out, and threw it on the floor, asking if it was a joke or if I was really trying to poison her. FML

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By E.B. - United States - Grenada

Major annoyance

Today, I'm a college student working at Dollar Tree. The signs hanging every 10 ft, plastered on every box, every wall, every corner, say "Everything's $1." Someone asked me how much something was, because there was no price tag. This happens multiple times a day. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw an elderly man struggling to make it across a busy street. I jumped up from my table at Starbucks to help him, leaving my things behind. When I got back to my table feeling good, I found that my coffee had disappeared. So had my wallet. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I found out all the "work meetings" my husband has been going to wasn't him having an affair after all, but him attending a neo-Nazi group. FML

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By camerashyguy - United States - Longview

Today, while giving directions to a blind guy, I accidentally made him walk into a wall. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I spent my first day with my parents for the first time in a year as I've been away at university. My dad went to work, and my mum spent the whole day playing mahjong with her friends as they all told me "how fat I've gotten" and how "boys won't like it". FML

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By Twinner - Canada

Today, I learned that being a twin really isn't that cool. After laughing at my twin brother for getting a speeding ticket he turns to me and says "It's not mine." Confused, I look at the ticket and see my name. He used my license. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after months of saving, I went to buy the wedding ring I promised to buy my fiancée. Just seconds after I walked in, the owner asked me to leave, saying he doesn't serve "trash" like me, while pointing at the memorial tattoo on the back of my hand. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lebanon

Today, my mother moved in to my 2-bedroom apartment with me. She brought her boyfriend, 4 chihuahuas, and 2 birds with her. FML

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By zoearcu - United States

Today, my dad decided to wake me up by opening the shades and having the sun shine on my face. When he pulled them up, the metal holder on top broke off and fell on me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML

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By byegeorge - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Today, my dog was run over. The man who ran over my dog was taking his own dog to the emergency vet. As the man awkwardly tried to apologise to me, he said, "Think of the irony". FML

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By Burning Love - United States - Phoenix

Today, I went on a date. As I hugged him, I felt tingles. As a big believer in clichés, I thought it was the tingles of falling in love. Turns out, it was my allergic reaction to his cologne. I now look like I burned my face. FML

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By Cherub - United Kingdom

Today, it's my wedding day. It was meant to be perfect. The bouquet, along with a high pollen count, set my hay fever off. I walked down the aisle in front of 200 people with streaming eyes and a runny nose; I then had a sneezing fit during my vows and blew a large snot bubble. Real attractive. FML

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By sad sister - 27/7/2020 14:00

Bye bye love

Today, after my younger sister always made a habit of using everything of mine, from clothes to shoes to jewelry, the list now includes my boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - India

Today, I accidentally told my mom to ejaculate the flash drive from the PC. FML

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By picklebug - United States - Minneapolis

Funny, thanks

Today, I was taken to the hospital after I fell down the stairs. The physician who saw me bit his lip and said he would have to amputate my foot, and I fainted in terror. One of the nurses later told me to "learn to take a damn joke." FML

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By anonymous - United States - Inverness

Today, after months of helping my mother with bills because she claimed she had no money, I found out she makes way more than what I do. She just wanted my money for alcohol and drugs. FML

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Top comments

By IceMan11 | 23

#5694713 - Sunday 29 September 2013 13:28

There is nothing wrong with being 25 and single.

By dudeimmadoc | 9

#5694709 - Sunday 29 September 2013 13:26

Aww, its okay OP, I'm sure she was just joking!

COMMENTS

By dudeimmadoc | 9

#5694709 - Sunday 29 September 2013 13:26

Aww, its okay OP, I'm sure she was just joking!

Reply

Riku714 | 25

#5694742 - Sunday 29 September 2013 13:55

Or maybe she's just mean :/ oh well, prove her wrong! :)

Reply

_parth | 20

#5695051 - Sunday 29 September 2013 19:26

If not, then someone lack sense of humor.

By IceMan11 | 23

#5694713 - Sunday 29 September 2013 13:28

There is nothing wrong with being 25 and single.

Reply

golden_warrior | 23

#5694749 - Sunday 29 September 2013 14:05

But is not something to be proud about.

Reply

MissBubblesXoxo | 17

#5694765 - Sunday 29 September 2013 14:30

Meg? Is that you!?
:O

Reply

MidnaLink | 32

#5694781 - Sunday 29 September 2013 14:48

Kinda hard to be Meg if his Username is IceMAN.

Reply

MissBubblesXoxo | 17

#5694864 - Sunday 29 September 2013 16:28

@22 Sorry i was reffering to OP!
I mistakenly replied to his comment!

Reply

BrandiLush | 31

#5694870 - Sunday 29 September 2013 16:31

#24, I am single, 32, have 3 cats, no kids, my own house, a new car and an awesome job! Sometimes the crazy cat lady thing works out well!

Reply

starile | 19

#5694922 - Sunday 29 September 2013 17:23

Well with those bomb-ass friends of your dressed up as scantily-clad Mario characters, who would be lonely?

Reply

MidnaLink | 32

#5694934 - Sunday 29 September 2013 17:37

Brandi, Yeah and sometimes the Crazy part doesn't even exist.

Reply

queerdragon | 20

#5694985 - Sunday 29 September 2013 18:44

There is no problem being single at any age as long as the person is happy with who they are.

Reply

Mauskau | 35

#5695216 - Sunday 29 September 2013 22:41

So, if your relationship just ended that is a bad thing if you are in your 20s? Not finding the right person yet is classed as a bad thing?

Reply

tukies | 28

#5695246 - Sunday 29 September 2013 23:23

I am 25 and single. I love it! My last relationship was just horrible. I don't mind if I stay single for a good long time.

Reply

skyttlz | 32

#5695698 - Monday 30 September 2013 5:55

I'm only 19 but I'm in the same boat as # 46. My last relationship wasn't very good, and the one before that was emotionally abusive. I want to stay single for a long time.

By mangobbler | 11

#5694717 - Sunday 29 September 2013 13:30

Hopefully she was kidding. If not, the look on your mom's face when you come to visit with your boyfriend (if you do it), will be pretty priceless.

Reply

DKjazz | 20

#5694771 - Sunday 29 September 2013 14:38

I can imagine the mother interrogating the boyfriend. "How much is she paying you? Drop the act and I can pay you double."

Reply

starile | 19

#5694924 - Sunday 29 September 2013 17:26

Hell, I'D denounce my girlfriend if the price was right! Then I'd just take her to a nice dinner using her mom's money and have apology sex. Win across the board!

By Krystal3408 | 32

#5694718 - Sunday 29 September 2013 13:30

Nice mom you got there, OP

By boredinjp | 14

#5694726 - Sunday 29 September 2013 13:42

It makes me think the OP's mother is speaking from experience and she herself had a pretty hard time to get a BF.

By blinked_281 | 29

#5694734 - Sunday 29 September 2013 13:50

I'm sure she didn't really mean it. if she did, you know he real, so don't worry too much about it

By Altie | 13

#5694735 - Sunday 29 September 2013 13:51

Hey OP, how is your mom not single?

By HortonThelephant | 15

#5694741 - Sunday 29 September 2013 13:54

Shut up, Meg

By Wizardo | 33

#5694743 - Sunday 29 September 2013 13:55

As long as you know the truth, isn't that enough? *sigh*

By imonkeyface | 9

#5694762 - Sunday 29 September 2013 14:25

Awwh, that's not nice. Sorry OP, and I'm sure you'll have a grand relationship.