By Anonymous - United States

Pants on fire

Today, I texted a cute picture of my boyfriend and me to my mom, who lives very far away. She replied saying that my Photoshop skills are great, but that I don't need to go so far to pretend that anyone would date me, and that there's no shame in being single at 25. FML

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Out of it

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I'm a mess

By pridekills - United States - Mulberry

Today, my co-worker told me I should stop smoking cigarettes because it makes my breath "smell like shit" and makes my teeth look as yellow as corn. I've never smoked a cigarette in my life. FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland

Today, I realised I spend more time and receive more satisfaction talking on the phone with Chinese take away than talking to my wife in person. FML

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By Martin - 8/9/2020 23:01 - Switzerland

Extreme late fees

Today, I had an appointment to pull some wisdom teeth. I wrote the wrong time in my calendar. Showed up an hour late and they didn't pull the one tooth that actually hurts. Now I've got the pay for the time I was late, plus wait until November to pull the rest. I waited 5 months for this appointment due to the coronavirus. FML

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By Loser - Australia - Adelaide

Beep Beep Who's Got the Keys to the Jeep

Today, I lost my keys while at the supermarket. I franticly back-tracked through the store, asking everyone I saw along the way. They eventually showed up, right where I left them... in my unattended car, the engine still running. There was an announcement made over the PA system. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed. Two hours later I get a text from my ex announcing he has just been diagnosed with chlamydia. I now have to explain this to my fiancé. FML

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By Kitty - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend told me he needed to reconsider coming to see me for financial reasons. I'm the one paying for the airfare, giving him a place to stay, and covering his expenses while he's here. FML

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By Aunjy - United States - Marmora

Today, I babysat a 4-year-old child for my neighbor. It seems he had diarrhea. The evidence of this is in his pants, down his leg, on the couch, on the bathroom floor, smeared on my wall, and in the shape of a brown handprint on my shirt. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was sleeping, I got naked and sat on top of him. He woke up and I asked him if he would rather stay awake or go back to sleep, in hopes that he would stay awake and want to do some naughty stuff with me. His response? To grab my butt, and then go back to sleep. FML

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By BoohooBouquet

Today, my girlfriend got super paranoid when I received flowers, along with a card saying what a "lovely time" the sender had last weekend. My girlfriend decided this was proof I'd cheated on her. The card was signed "Vanessa," which is also her mother's name. Who stayed with us last weekend. FML

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By starbird - United States

Today, I went to the Doctors and the nurse asked if I was married, in which I responded "yes". Then she asked if I was sexually active... "no". FML

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By shoelace18 - Canada

Today, my 5 year old swallowed her loose tooth, which she was going put under her pillow for the toothfairy. My wife then told her 'what goes in must come out'. And now everytime she does number 2, she makes me dig for her lost tooth. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/1/2021 14:31 - Australia - Adelaide

Confused

Today, I drunkenly hooked up with a meth dealer I just met online. Of course this occurred at his place, since he's on home detention for drug trafficking - ankle bracelet and all. Worst part? I really liked it. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, getting home from a long day at work, I checked the mail and saw 3 envelopes from the IRS. Apparently I now owe over $4,000. I only have $2 in my bank account. FML

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By chumpslolo - United States - Vandalia

Today, my sister backed out of my wedding because it was becoming too much about me. After I begged her to reconsider, I had no choice but to pick a new bridesmaid. When my new bridesmaid posted on Facebook how excited she was, my sister commented, "See, you made HER feel special." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I made the decision to quit smoking while I was driving in my car. So I took my pack, crushed it and threw it out the window. I felt triumphant about this change I was making in my life, until the cop I didn't know was behind me gave me a ticket for littering. FML

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By AussieG75 - United States - Lakewood

Today, I was making tea when I smelled something burning. My very fluffy cat had put his tail right next to the open flame and burnt his fur. Now I have a semi-hairless cat and a very smelly apartment. FML

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By Rich - United States

Today, I let my dog outside so he could pee. After an hour, I let him back in. He just wanted to come inside to pee on the floor. FML

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By hatemyjob - United States

Today, I arrived at work and was immediately given a disciplinary write-up for being two hours late for my shift. Apparently the manager had changed my schedule that morning and failed to tell me. FML

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By IMSERIOUS - United States - Anaheim

Today, I told my parents I was thinking about joining the army. They looked at each other and laughed for about 10 minutes straight. I wasn't joking. FML

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By jared77 - United States

Today, my mom decided to give me a bloodcurdlingly graphic sex talk. On a plane. I'm 23. FML

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By AlreadyInDebt - United States

Today, I found out that I've been paying student fees for the wrong account. Apparently I have been paying for some other student's tuition. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, a man stopped me on the street. He said the stretch marks on my thighs looked like cuts, and asked me if I self-harmed. Before I was able to politely respond "No", he said, "I mean, I can see why you would." FML

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By tj85 - United States

Today, I received a letter in the mail. The letter was from a woman who explained to me every single detail of a three month affair she had with my husband. She included pictures. FML

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By bubblensuds1 - United States

Today, someone left a used condom under the windshield wiper of my car. I didn't notice it until I was driving. And it was raining. It was even tied, so the contents couldn't leak out. I'm not planning artificial insemination anytime soon, but thanks for the thought. Man, I love college. FML

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By Lady_Luck - United States

Today, my friend and I were filming football practice and talking about what guys on the team were attractive and who we would want to get it on with. We didn't realize that the camera was recording everything that we said. The tape was played to the entire team the next day. With sound. FML

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By um... what the fuck, miss? - United Kingdom

Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML

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By livgasms - United Kingdom

Today, my family decided it would be hilarious to catch the biggest moths they could and let them loose in my room. I'm terrified of moths and they thought it would be 'funny as hell' to watch me freak out. FML

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By justanothergamergirl

Today, and for the past 2 weeks, I decided to try online gaming, as it's something I've never done before. I already have a creep stalking me because I mentioned I was single and he is a horny virgin. Remind me never to talk about my lack of love life online again. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was told that if I was caught yawning again, I'd be fired. FML

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By dicedicebaby - United States - Columbus

Today, I had my 18th birthday party. At midnight, three police officers showed up at my door and asked if they could look around. Were we doing anything bad? Nope. My friends suck at parking. Before they left, the officers said that this was the most toned down party they'd seen in years. FML

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By Dsark - United States - San Diego

Today, during a lecture, my teacher jokingly talked about the time he was best buds with George Washington. Another student then asked, "Really? You knew him?" I'm in an advanced placement U.S. history class. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, completely nude, I had to collect my clothes around the boy’s apartment I have been sleeping with for awhile. While his girlfriend watched to make sure I “got the fuck out.” FML

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By ambled - United States

Today, I had to share a car with my dad and stepmother. My stepmother managed to get hammered at lunch and spent the hour-long car trip drunkenly mistaking the heating controls for the radio. FML

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By oompaloompa

New, from L'Oréal!

Today, I used a self-tanning towelette to help even out my tan lines and disguise my vitiligo a bit. Now my stomach is orange and my spots are even more noticeable. FML

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By its_all_legit - United States

Today, my parents, who are out of town but driving back tomorrow, called to see how I was doing. They asked if I'd thrown a party in their absence, and I said no. My dad replied, "Well I'm currently looking at pictures on Facebook of our kitchen with beer and a bong on the table." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I told my boyfriend that eventually I want to get my ears pinned back because I think that they stick out too much. I pulled my hair back to show him, and he said, "Yeah, they're different sizes too, and the left one sticks out more than the right one." FML

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By SnowyConcussion - United States

Today, after spending the past 4 days asking both my husband and my father-in-law to salt our sidewalk, I slipped on the ice. I hit my head on our concrete stairs. While holding ice on my head, my father-in-law pats my head and says "I'll go get some salt." FML

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By Shelly - United States

Oh hey how are you?

Today, my boyfriend and I pulled over to have sex in his mother's car. It was going great until I leaned back onto the horn, waking up our whole neighborhood. FML

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By BondingTime - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I was babysitting my nephew and we decided to color together. He drew a picture of someone who looked dead, almost zombie-like, while everyone else looked pretty normal. When I asked who it was, he said in a serious, scary voice, "It's you." FML

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By heart broken - United States

Today, my husband told me yet again that the last two years have been the worst of his life. Our two year anniversary is next week. FML

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Top comments

By IceMan11 | 23

#5694713 - Sunday 29 September 2013 13:28

There is nothing wrong with being 25 and single.

By dudeimmadoc | 9

#5694709 - Sunday 29 September 2013 13:26

Aww, its okay OP, I'm sure she was just joking!

COMMENTS

By dudeimmadoc | 9

#5694709 - Sunday 29 September 2013 13:26

Aww, its okay OP, I'm sure she was just joking!

Reply

Riku714 | 25

#5694742 - Sunday 29 September 2013 13:55

Or maybe she's just mean :/ oh well, prove her wrong! :)

Reply

_parth | 20

#5695051 - Sunday 29 September 2013 19:26

If not, then someone lack sense of humor.

By IceMan11 | 23

#5694713 - Sunday 29 September 2013 13:28

There is nothing wrong with being 25 and single.

Reply

golden_warrior | 23

#5694749 - Sunday 29 September 2013 14:05

But is not something to be proud about.

Reply

MissBubblesXoxo | 17

#5694765 - Sunday 29 September 2013 14:30

Meg? Is that you!?
:O

Reply

MidnaLink | 32

#5694781 - Sunday 29 September 2013 14:48

Kinda hard to be Meg if his Username is IceMAN.

Reply

MissBubblesXoxo | 17

#5694864 - Sunday 29 September 2013 16:28

@22 Sorry i was reffering to OP!
I mistakenly replied to his comment!

Reply

BrandiLush | 31

#5694870 - Sunday 29 September 2013 16:31

#24, I am single, 32, have 3 cats, no kids, my own house, a new car and an awesome job! Sometimes the crazy cat lady thing works out well!

Reply

starile | 19

#5694922 - Sunday 29 September 2013 17:23

Well with those bomb-ass friends of your dressed up as scantily-clad Mario characters, who would be lonely?

Reply

MidnaLink | 32

#5694934 - Sunday 29 September 2013 17:37

Brandi, Yeah and sometimes the Crazy part doesn't even exist.

Reply

queerdragon | 20

#5694985 - Sunday 29 September 2013 18:44

There is no problem being single at any age as long as the person is happy with who they are.

Reply

Mauskau | 35

#5695216 - Sunday 29 September 2013 22:41

So, if your relationship just ended that is a bad thing if you are in your 20s? Not finding the right person yet is classed as a bad thing?

Reply

tukies | 28

#5695246 - Sunday 29 September 2013 23:23

I am 25 and single. I love it! My last relationship was just horrible. I don't mind if I stay single for a good long time.

Reply

skyttlz | 32

#5695698 - Monday 30 September 2013 5:55

I'm only 19 but I'm in the same boat as # 46. My last relationship wasn't very good, and the one before that was emotionally abusive. I want to stay single for a long time.

By mangobbler | 11

#5694717 - Sunday 29 September 2013 13:30

Hopefully she was kidding. If not, the look on your mom's face when you come to visit with your boyfriend (if you do it), will be pretty priceless.

Reply

DKjazz | 20

#5694771 - Sunday 29 September 2013 14:38

I can imagine the mother interrogating the boyfriend. "How much is she paying you? Drop the act and I can pay you double."

Reply

starile | 19

#5694924 - Sunday 29 September 2013 17:26

Hell, I'D denounce my girlfriend if the price was right! Then I'd just take her to a nice dinner using her mom's money and have apology sex. Win across the board!

By Krystal3408 | 32

#5694718 - Sunday 29 September 2013 13:30

Nice mom you got there, OP

By boredinjp | 14

#5694726 - Sunday 29 September 2013 13:42

It makes me think the OP's mother is speaking from experience and she herself had a pretty hard time to get a BF.

By blinked_281 | 29

#5694734 - Sunday 29 September 2013 13:50

I'm sure she didn't really mean it. if she did, you know he real, so don't worry too much about it

By Altie | 13

#5694735 - Sunday 29 September 2013 13:51

Hey OP, how is your mom not single?

By HortonThelephant | 15

#5694741 - Sunday 29 September 2013 13:54

Shut up, Meg

By Wizardo | 33

#5694743 - Sunday 29 September 2013 13:55

As long as you know the truth, isn't that enough? *sigh*

By imonkeyface | 9

#5694762 - Sunday 29 September 2013 14:25

Awwh, that's not nice. Sorry OP, and I'm sure you'll have a grand relationship.