Love: Today, the person I've been trying so hard to get with wrote...

By Anonymous - 02/10/2013 12:17 - United States - Southfield

Today, the person I've been trying so hard to get with wrote me a beautiful poem that almost everyone at my school saw and liked. It was about how we'd never be together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 052

You deserved it 4 473

Love

Mother of the year

My booze

It's called being a wage slave

Best to check

By Anonymous - 17/08/2021 08:00

Today, I was offered a "rust and accident free“ used car at the dealership. By chance, I managed to track down the previous owner, who was quite surprised I was asking about it, saying, "That one was totaled, I thought it had been scrapped!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 51

By Embarassed - 30/08/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my father why most of the bar was giving him dirty looks at a concert. His air guitar motions made it look like he was jacking off under the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 219

You deserved it 3 008

Desperate times, desperate, dumb measures

By WTFiswrongwithme - 03/03/2020 00:01

Today, I was so desperate for human interaction that I asked a deaf girl in my class if she liked music. I actually signed it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 126

You deserved it 856

Smooth criminal

By nickim756 - 13/09/2010 02:29 - United States

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying he needed me to bail him out of jail. The crime? Masturbating in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 399

You deserved it 6 208

By notafatlump - 02/02/2011 05:07

Today, I was walking home from the gym. I was thinking about how proud of myself I was for losing 34 pounds when someone yelled from a car window, "Look at that fat lump!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 840

You deserved it 3 933

Rollercoaster

By thathoe - 12/11/2021 19:00 - United States - Cloquet

Today, I found I’m pregnant. I hooked up with my ex when my now boyfriend and I had broken up for a week. My ex doesn’t want kids. It’s most likely my ex's kid. My boyfriend has now proposed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 2 161

By freakedout - 08/08/2014 14:43 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in the doctor's waiting room. When I woke up, the room was empty, and there was a $1 bill tucked into my cleavage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 989

You deserved it 6 926

By CalyenaL - 13/05/2012 01:35 - Mexico - Tijuana

Today, I'm found out I'm pregnant. My husband and I spoke at length about how we were going to handle things, which included him "forbidding" me from having an epidural, because he doesn't want our baby to "come out addicted to drugs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 697

You deserved it 3 123

Make it easy on yourself

By Anonymous - 07/10/2019 04:00

Today, I had depressive feelings, so I decided to write about it to find out what was bothering me, and let go of the negative thoughts. While doing so, I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 497

You deserved it 197

By sleepless - 20/06/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, my insomnia started back up again. It was too late to get something to help me sleep so I was lying there wondering what I should do. I decided to listen to some ambient music. It helped a lot, but when I was about to fall asleep my parents decided to start doing 'it'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 980

You deserved it 2 882

Going well, isn't it

By theproblemboblem - 29/04/2021 14:00

Today, after weeks of begging my boyfriend of almost two years to have sex with me, he told me to find someone else to fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 310

You deserved it 242

By StungAlot - 19/06/2012 10:32 - United States

Today, I got stung by jellyfish. As I was writhing in pain on the beach, my dad comes up and asks me to be quiet and that I'm embarrassing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 326

You deserved it 2 719

By dumping time - 25/11/2012 22:38 - United Kingdom - Aylesford

Today, I woke up to my balls covered in Icy Hot, a big old "fuck you" note from my girlfriend, and my door slamming shut. I'm starting to get the distinct impression I shouldn't have made that off-hand remark last night about her PMSing, after she rage-quit a game of Mario Kart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 051

You deserved it 30 732

Carry that weight

By Anonymous - 09/11/2021 18:00 - Australia - Moorebank

Today, I was getting up from sitting on the floor. I lent on the coffee table to help support my weight and heard a pop. I'd bruised the tendons in my wrist and now have to wear a wrist guard for 6 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 712

You deserved it 126

By TearfulDaughter - 19/01/2011 17:45 - United States

Today, I planned on introducing my fiancé to my parents. After the introductions, and telling him how I hoped our relationship would have the same amount of love and commitment that has lasted my mother and father for 25 years, my parents awkwardly announced their imminent divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 895

You deserved it 3 156

Hidden

By fml9124 - 20/09/2019 14:00

Today, I saw a scorpion crawling across the kitchen floor. While trying to swat it towards the middle of the floor to prevent it from escaping as I looked for something to kill it with, my cat came to investigate. Kitty thought I was playing with a new toy and joined in by batting the scorpion under the oven. I know it's plotting its revenge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 320

You deserved it 154

By sleepy125 - 23/01/2009 19:13 - United States

Today, the first guy I've ever loved is going to a fancy rush party with my best friend. He did tell me he needed space to think about us this whole weekend. I guess I know what he's been thinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 184

You deserved it 2 022

By Sooz - 03/10/2013 01:18 - Canada - Abbotsford

Today, after 6 months of sex, my boyfriend showered himself with praise for managing, for the first time ever, to stretch the act out to a full minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 272

You deserved it 5 808

By cerealfail - 14/11/2010 20:33

Today, I went to get a box of cereal and I knocked over a bottle of olive oil. It took me about half an hour to clean up. When I finally finished, I found out the box of cereal was empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 720

You deserved it 4 366

By toazt - 10/10/2010 08:45 - United States

Today, after my marching band's performance, the girls had to change out of our uniforms in a very dark school bathroom. Someone turned on the lights and I realized that more than a dozen roaches had crawled into my skinny jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 429

You deserved it 3 483

By Anonymous - 25/08/2019 19:00 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, going to my psychiatrist's appointment for my PTSD and depression, my mother yelled about how useless I am and how I torture her existence with my "abnormalities." She told the doctor how much I've improved and become such a delight at home for her and our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 040

You deserved it 105

By Anonymous - 30/08/2018 23:30

Today, I got home from work, took a shower, got ready for bed, and laid down right in cat piss. Now I'm shampooing the mattress and taking another shower just to sleep on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 728

You deserved it 378

By emergencyroom - 15/03/2014 12:21 - United States - Parkton

Today, I locked myself out and had to enter my house via the back door. Thinking I was an intruder, my 7-year-old daughter slammed a metal rake into the back of my head. Nice to know she can take care of herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 396

You deserved it 9 359

By DL06 - 08/04/2009 07:19 - United States

Today, I met a guy online. We talked all night long and hit it off amazingly. He told me he'd never felt that way about anyone else, and I agreed. He sent me a picture and he was gorgeous. I sent him one after he assured me he didn't care what I looked like. I haven't heard from him since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 398

You deserved it 12 525

By noooooooo - 18/03/2013 00:10 - United States - Laurinburg

Today, I was dancing with an incredibly sexy man at a club. He was grinding on me when he leaned over and said, "If I was straight, I would make you my queen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 492

You deserved it 6 202

By Anonymous - 18/06/2018 01:30

Today, my boyfriend of four years decided that the best way to break up with me was to move out of our apartment while I was at work, and then text me a video of himself having sex with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 128

You deserved it 321

By yayme. - 11/07/2013 22:26 - United States - Bismarck

Today, I found out that the weird guy that lives next door is my biological father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 188

You deserved it 4 005

By chillyinside - 10/02/2013 05:03 - Canada

Today, my furnace broke down, almost a month after its twenty year warranty expired. It would have been replaced for free. Now I'm going to have to take out a loan to afford the $4,000 replacement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 474

You deserved it 2 700

By umm...no - 31/10/2016 14:33 - United States - Keller

Today, I answered a call from a customer. She expected me to exchange her item without her actually having to go to one of our 800+ stores. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 837

You deserved it 737

By Anonymous - 07/07/2017 11:53 - United States - Quitman

Today, my phone ran out of space, so I downloaded an app to store all my photos online. After everything transferred, I deleted the 1,000+ photos from my phone, along with the "recently deleted" file since it was also taking up space. The app is now empty of all "downloaded photos". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 851

You deserved it 2 793

That took a dark turn…

By lukey101 - 17/12/2020 01:58 - Australia - Caboolture

Today, I asked a colleague what part of town he was from. After explaining, he went on to say how much his wife loved the house and its location. That was of course until she died and soiled herself in their bed one night, which he didn't realise until the next morning. Sorry for asking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 122

By Username - 09/02/2011 03:27

Today, I got mugged. But luckily I had on my keyring the pepper spray that my husband had insisted I keep with me. Unlucky for me, my husband's co-worker, who borrowed my keys, emptied my pepper by spraying it on a brick wall one day when he was bored. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 322

You deserved it 3 093

By Katsura - 19/07/2016 00:43 - United States - Perrysburg

Today, my boyfriend wanted to get into an open relationship. He has no romantic feelings for me anymore, but he didn't want to separate from my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 083

You deserved it 1 362

By FranchezDeVista - 30/08/2015 18:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was talking to my mom about my issues with my girlfriend. While she was sympathizing, she slowly picked up my wallet, took $100 and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 029

You deserved it 2 251

By Jealousbitch - 12/04/2012 09:27 - United States - Mulberry

Today, I had to admit that my jealousy issues were becoming a problem when I almost told my boyfriend not to apply at the local McDonald's, because of the high school girls that would see him there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 728

You deserved it 33 644

By Mybrotherissatan - 10/03/2016 15:59 - United States - Arrington

Today, I found out why people in my new neighborhood keep giving me weird looks. For a laugh, my brother had gone around telling them I'm a parolee, and implying that I couldn't be trusted around their children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 540

You deserved it 1 321

By iheartexes - 06/11/2010 04:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend bailed on our one year anniversary celebration because his ex girlfriend asked him to go to a wedding with her and pose as her fake boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 197

You deserved it 4 078

By Jonny - 09/01/2012 04:07 - United States

Today, as a recovering alcoholic, I called my brother to share the news that I've been sober for a month. He invited me to a bar to celebrate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 361

You deserved it 3 353

By ugh - 20/06/2015 10:45 - United States - Tampa

Today, my boyfriend came to my work, at a drive thru, in my car, and then got mad at me because I wouldn't give him free food. In his anger, he put my car in reverse and backed out of line very quickly, only to smash into a paying customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 616

You deserved it 2 807

By Ves - 03/02/2009 23:19 - United States

Today, a woman walked out of the Humane Society with a cat carrier. I said, "Oh did you adopt him?" She walked past and started crying. She had just brought her cat in to be euthanized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 378

You deserved it 8 467

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Top comments

Micayla 12

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Wednesday 2 October 2013 18:52

Was her name Taylor Swift?

skip_m 6

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Wednesday 2 October 2013 18:54

Of me you stalk. Now please go take a walk.

Micayla 12

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Wednesday 2 October 2013 18:52

Was her name Taylor Swift?

MikaykayUnicorn 36

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Wednesday 2 October 2013 22:54

WEEEE WILL NEVER EVER EVER BE TOGETHER

_parth 20

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Thursday 3 October 2013 1:19

Woah!! I can only imagine her writing a song about you now. Since you commented about her...

\ 28

Thursday 3 October 2013 3:06

"I... I'm too fat for you, you're too fat for me...

Sinistra_Blue 12

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Thursday 3 October 2013 6:37

Roses are red and violets are violet...damnit, how does it go again?

jojj351 12

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Wednesday 2 October 2013 18:53

sounds very familiar

skip_m 6

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Wednesday 2 October 2013 18:54

Of me you stalk. Now please go take a walk.

ClashParody 21

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Wednesday 2 October 2013 18:59

... I bet you really sweep the ladies off their feet.

1PersonIsMyWorld 22

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Wednesday 2 October 2013 19:53

3 was just making a funny that corresponded with the fml.. geez people. like I would have liked you if you didnt remind me so much of goo. lol or walk away and never come back..for you will never get in the sack.

queerdragon 20

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Wednesday 2 October 2013 20:10

The sun has rises from her grave, and told the lad, "You must behave." For the moon has seen across the land, what you did with your hand, my Facebook page is not porn, no matter how much you toot your horn. I have seen a child with a larger tool, and everyone knows it in this school so please stopping hanging in my trees sending me bad poetry trying to get in my Math class, saying I have a "yoga ass." Please stop trying far too hard because you are a sack of lard I have taken more attractive shits so please, stop, this is it. Leave me the fuck alone stop calling me at 3 am on the phone stop being such a fucking fool At dawn we duel. --Girl You Will Never Date

clemsi 20

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Wednesday 2 October 2013 20:13

Most epic poem ever...you madam have won the internet.

1PersonIsMyWorld 22

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Wednesday 2 October 2013 20:33

ha! I know...I'll b forever alone.

Ebolaconflict 11

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Thursday 3 October 2013 1:53

lol don't get y everyone is hating on 21, she just made a joke

SJParker 13

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Friday 4 October 2013 3:17

25- i was waiting for someone to make the poem. I wasn't disappointed.

RodzillaX 30

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Wednesday 2 October 2013 18:54

At least they wrote you a poem. Where as people in most relationships don't write each other poetry.

dawnimus 21

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Wednesday 2 October 2013 19:12

I don't want my boyfriend to write me poetry. I'd find it creepy.

AnthonyWheeler15 24

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Wednesday 2 October 2013 18:55

I'm sorry OP. They're not worth it if they're gonna do that. Keep on swimming!

NoMore_CoolNames 14

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Thursday 3 October 2013 1:42

Maybe OP is creepy.

Headcrab 29

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Wednesday 2 October 2013 18:55

Sorry op. Other fish in the sea?

fuckedPriceless 17

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Wednesday 2 October 2013 18:55

We will never, ever, ever, get back together.

jw90 18

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Wednesday 2 October 2013 18:58

In this case it'd just be "We will never ever ever, be together.

fakedsincerity 32

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Wednesday 2 October 2013 18:59

at least it was beautiful. roses are red violets are blue I will never go out with you.

kumarina 35

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Wednesday 2 October 2013 19:01

Sorry OP! Time to move on

SweetasCandy0609 28

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Wednesday 2 October 2013 19:01

I actually moderated this one and was hoping it got approved so I could say, I'm sorry OP but just know that karma always kicks also don't let the kids get to you because they are not Worth it.