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By Anonymous - 12/12/2020 09:38 - India

The cringe is real

  Today, I was excited for my very first oral sex session. Didn't imagine that the guy would bite everywhere like a beaver trying to be sexy and leave without even cuddling. Definitely didn't match the long sexts. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1028
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143
4 Comments
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By

Completely wet

Today, I was drinking too much and I have to pee constantly, so I went to bed without my girlfriend. Hours later she woke me up wanting sex, but she realized that I pissed the bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks
698
You deserved it
1901
8 Comments
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Not really a good idea

  Today, I decide to let my boyfriend introduce food into our sex life, then a few days after we used melted chocolate I got a UTI. I’ve never had a UTI before in my life so I’m blaming him for the fact it feels like I’m peeing needles dipped in acid. FML
I agree, your life sucks
905
You deserved it
2242
6 Comments
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I miss him

  Today, after a 6 month dry spell, my husband was yet again “too tired” to have sex. I guess I finally found something I miss about my ex. FML
I agree, your life sucks
2265
You deserved it
409
27 Comments
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Too dry

Today, I spent the evening with my new wife at the doctor’s because she thought she had a UTI. The doctor sent the nurse to talk to us because he was too embarrassed to tell us that we just needed to use more lube. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1719
You deserved it
372
5 Comments
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No chance

Today, my girlfriend of two years called me over late at night. I got excited, assuming she finally wanted sex. No, she just wanted me to make her mac and cheese and talk to her because she was ‘restless’. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1453
You deserved it
847
23 Comments
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By Anonymous

My alarm

  Today, yet again, I woke up at the sound of my parents having sex like apes, and couldn't get back to sleep. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1857
You deserved it
217
10 Comments
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Just once

Today, at last, my husband instigated sex for the first time since the honeymoon a few months ago when he started fondling me in bed. Then I realised he was asleep. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1835
You deserved it
175
4 Comments
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By Anonymous

I don't care

  Today, my girlfriend sent me a revenge video of her having sex with another guy, because I cheated on her. I got angry with her, but later used the video to masturbate. FML
I agree, your life sucks
654
You deserved it
5074
18 Comments
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By Anonymous

My husband's passion

Today, my husband loves his cat more than our new baby daughter. This morning he spent 2 hours playing with the cat, yet when I handed him his flesh and blood daughter, he found an excuse to hand her back after 5 minutes, then 5 minutes after that, he was playing with the cat again. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1708
You deserved it
335
15 Comments
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By Anonymous

Waste moment

Today, I went out drinking with my friends and my boyfriend met me there. We decided then to come home and planned an intimate moment. I got on top of him and went to kiss his neck. Next thing I know, I fell asleep right before we started. FML
I agree, your life sucks
945
You deserved it
1202
8 Comments
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Where it is?

Today, my girlfriend and I were doing the deed when she suddenly said, "Hold on babe, I think my nose ring fell out." After she couldn't find it for a minute, she said "I'm sure it's on the bed somewhere." Immediately after that, she yelled, "OH MY GOD I JUST SWALLOWED IT." FML
I agree, your life sucks
1639
You deserved it
261
6 Comments
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By

Crazy party

  Today, I heard that there's a rumour going around that I was caught masturbating while crying at a party after the girl I liked got with someone else. FML
I agree, your life sucks
2445
You deserved it
291
6 Comments
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By "Kilamo" - United States

Best words

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years got down on one knee and asked those words all girls love to hear "would you do me the honor of performing fellatio on me"? with a Lifesavers gummy ring. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1874
You deserved it
376
11 Comments
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By "cowboy_gold "

Don't ignore neighbor

Today, I came back to my dorm only to find the noise of my neighbor having loud sex. I thought I was talking in my head when I said at least do it against the other wall. But, when I was leaving later, he walked by apologizing and said that he thought that I was not there, then promised to do more quietly next time. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1656
You deserved it
413
6 Comments
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By

Just love!

  Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved his flaming red hair. He told me that he loved the fuzz on my butt. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1963
You deserved it
495
3 Comments
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By fuck - Canada - Airdrie

Late reaction

Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML
I agree, your life sucks
2203
You deserved it
629
11 Comments
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By Anonymous

Nice pic

Today, for the first time in my life, I sent a member pic to a girl I had been talking to for a few days on Snapchat. (she had asked me for it). She saw the pic, and blocked me. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1778
You deserved it
921
11 Comments
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By Anonymous

Almost done

Today, as I was trying to have some “self pleasure” time, my cat, WHO NEVER CUDDLES WITH ME, decides to come up and sit on my thigh. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1806
You deserved it
378
13 Comments
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By Feema - United States

I am his girlfriend

Today, right after sex, my boyfriend told me that I was as good as a man, and all that I was missing was a strap-on penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks
2418
You deserved it
323
11 Comments
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By John Doe

Shaving!

Today, my girlfriend told me that if I shaved, my penis might seem bigger. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1951
You deserved it
439
4 Comments
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By

The best method!

  Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML
I agree, your life sucks
2613
You deserved it
791
18 Comments
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Our anniversary

  Today, my boyfriend actually remembered our anniversary. Not our anniversary of being together, which he forgot last month, but the anniversary of him getting his first blowjob from me. FML
I agree, your life sucks
2353
You deserved it
475
9 Comments
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Christmas shopping

  Today, my family and I went to the mall. We all split up in a department store to shop for our own clothes. While shopping, I caught my dad feeling up a mannequin in the back corner of the store. FML
I agree, your life sucks
2171
You deserved it
198
6 Comments
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Christmas pictures

  Today, I walked in on my mom taking nude pictures of herself in the kitchen, wearing just a Santa hat. FML
I agree, your life sucks
2745
You deserved it
291
15 Comments
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By JackOLantern2099

Observational comedy

  Today, my girlfriend and I saw each other naked for the first time. She said my balls looked like little acorns. FML
I agree, your life sucks
2382
You deserved it
327
7 Comments
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By IzzMeister - United States

Watch a movie

Today, I walked in on my uncle watching porn. I realized that it was porn of my boyfriend, and he told me that the girl in it was "just a friend". FML
I agree, your life sucks
1842
You deserved it
173
6 Comments
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By Anonymous

Just a question

Today while I was about to go into the shower, my mom walked in on me while I was naked. She looked down and asked me if I was cold. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1980
You deserved it
235
6 Comments
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By Anonymous

Crazy best friend

  Today, I was in the middle of having sex with my boyfriend, and my drunk best friend knocked on our door. We screamed 'go away' and she still opened the door. She then saw us, and asked if she can join. FML
I agree, your life sucks
2544
You deserved it
697
27 Comments
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By Oregon

Does it taste good?

  Today, while my boyfriend was fingering me, he accidentally pulled out my NuvaRing, he then licked it off and placed it back inside me. FML
I agree, your life sucks
2700
You deserved it
491
12 Comments
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Today, I slept with my cousin's son near me in a room and his parents were sleeping to the next room. I was chatting with my friends and suddenly realized...
I agree, your life sucks
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  Today, my boyfriend hasn’t asked for sex in a while, like months, and when I asked him about it he admitted that every day I shout at him, snap at him...
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