By RikkiTikkiTavi

The unexpected

Today, I was working at my desk and wearing my new noise cancelling headphones. I couldn’t hear anyone around me, so I let out a nice long fart. Every desk behind me was occupied and the fart was not silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

729

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3405

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Intimate moments

Rock, hard place

Mother of the year

On a leash

By nomoresbfun - United States

Today, I found out that my most amazing spring break ever, will be spent stuck on a ship with my ex. It's been almost two years, and he still isn't over me. Yay. This cruise shall be fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25576

You deserved it

6069

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By Malakai - United States

Today, while in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48736

You deserved it

8462

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By emily

Today, I learned in my child development class that lying in toddlers is a sign of intelligence. I clearly remember that I didn’t even understand the concept of lying until I was 6 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1206

You deserved it

183

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By Anonymous - Sweden

Today, at work, after a visit to the bathroom, the lock broke in my hand and the door was jammed. I called the janitor on my cellphone and told him about the situation. He told me to fill out a complaint and leave it in his post box. He then hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31193

You deserved it

2765

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By GymBattle - United States

Today, while I was working out, I was listening to music with my earbuds in. The Pokémon theme started playing and I begun singing along. It wasn't too long after that I remembered I was in a crowded gym on a military base. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42289

You deserved it

12517

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By Bill - United States

Today, I discovered that my new college roommate not only makes casual conversation about his bowel movements, he also names them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28527

You deserved it

2775

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By mommytobe - United States

Today, mom was so upset when she found out that she is having another granddaughter that she wants us to pay her back for the little boy clothes that she bought before the sex of the baby was known. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32088

You deserved it

2502

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By Anonymous - United States - Burlington

Today, during a date, I discovered that if I cough with my mouth closed, snot will spray from my nose all over the place like some kind of mucus cannon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33394

You deserved it

6887

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By Anonymous

Oh, hai Mark!

Today, my boyfriend's antisocial father actually decided to talk to me. Too bad I couldn't respond, due to the fact that I still had his son's penis in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2025

You deserved it

740

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By Alana - Australia

Today, I went to a New Year's party with my boyfriend. Later into the night, he got drunk, and left me there to go to another party with his friends. I have no car, and no way to get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27621

You deserved it

3578

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By Joseph - United States - El Paso

Today, my nephew gave me a piece of gum. He's not one to share, so I was rather shocked at his kindness. After a while chewing, he admitted he gave it to me because the pack was in his pocket when he peed his pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21153

You deserved it

1863

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By cat-astrophic - United Kingdom

Today, after 3 years of studying to be a veterinarian, I found out I may not be able to continue. It's not because I'm failing my classes, but because my body has developed an allergy to cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35993

You deserved it

2828

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By sucks - Netherlands

Today, my boss walked in and said something I didn't quite hear, but my co-worker chuckled so to be polite, I laughed with him. They gave me some weird looks. My boss was actually talking about his wife's tumor and my co-worker was coughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12735

You deserved it

34465

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By Krystl - Australia

Today, I met the old couple I would be house-sitting for. As I was leaving the lady stuck her fist out towards me. After a seconds awkward pause I thought she wanted to fist-bump so stuck mine out and bumped. Turned out she was handing me the key. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11823

You deserved it

2106

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By Anonymous - United States - Decatur

Today, my daughter, who was born in late 2000, mentioned how amazing it is that she'll be alive during the year 3000. I asked her exactly how old she thinks she'll be by then. She said, "Thirty, duh." I've screwed up as a parent, so very badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63559

You deserved it

15859

Favorite

By pappy - United States - Lees Summit

Today, my friend asked me if I flirted with any girls during our shift. I said, "No, not any I could think of." He then told me there was a note on my windshield that said, "Call me" with a phone number on it. After my shift, I went to my car excited and read the note. It was just a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1832

You deserved it

280

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By Anathema_360 - Canada

Today, I woke up from a nap on my new bed to see my phone lit up with new texts. My friend sent out "Wanna test out my new bed?" as a mass text while I was asleep to every boy in my phone. Mark will be here in an hour, Jon wants to know what I'm wearing, and my ex's new girlfriend is not amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42113

You deserved it

3891

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By retail can shart a cock - United States

Today, a customer's credit card was declined. His totally reasonable reaction was to threaten to put a bullet in the back of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22770

You deserved it

1293

Favorite

By clementine8 - United States

Today, my Mom came to pay me a short visit at college. She handed me some flowers, which were a Valentine's Day gift, because she "figured I wouldn't be getting any from anyone else this year." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34436

You deserved it

2762

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By catt - Germany - Berlin

Today, my boyfriend tried to rid me of my hiccups. As he'd screamed at me and I'd pissed my pants, I just burst into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33452

You deserved it

4039

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By hnnhyoo - United States - Oxnard

Today, I got told that I was going to hell for turning down a man that was at least in his 60s. Even after I told him I was married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24861

You deserved it

1634

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By ByeByeBirdie - United States - Montgomery

Today, I'd had enough of the annoying bird constantly singing in the shrillest bird voice possible outside of my window, so I chased it around the yard, shooing it away, as my cat sat there and watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9675

You deserved it

1770

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By thankful

Today, I was tripped downstairs as a "joke" by my little brother. When I was yelling in pain from my broken arm, my mom was lecturing me to be thankful "one goddamn day a year". She also thinks I'm lying just to hide that I'm clumsy and my brother is innocent. He won't admit it. Happy Thanksgiving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3146

You deserved it

173

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By StillnothowIimaginedmydaygoing - United States - Radcliff

Today, my boyfriend found out that male goats will stick their tongues out, snort, and garble at female goats in heat. Now he's doing it to me at all manner of times, sound effects and all. I now know why goats ram their heads into things repeatedly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25084

You deserved it

2294

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the midwest blizzard hit my town, burying the roads in snow. All the local stores are closed. I'm not only currently on my period, but I'm out of pads and toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47385

You deserved it

10443

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By catherineratley - United States - Carmi

Today, I shut my finger in the car door. The door locked. Then I dropped the keys on the ground and couldn't reach them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35345

You deserved it

2970

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By aoliver03

Today, I spilled my guts out to my fiancé about some insecurities I've been having. I then turned to look at him through tears at his expressionless face as he texted someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3106

You deserved it

299

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By Brandy_Dandy78 - United States

Today, I fell asleep as my family drove to church. No one bothered to say anything about the drawings my siblings drew on my face until after church ended. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34318

You deserved it

5790

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By name50 - United States

Today, I was passing a building and saw a fat, ugly person inside. I started to laugh and noticed it was my reflection. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15590

You deserved it

73875

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By ptarr12345 - United States - Lancaster

Today, my little cousin was helping me wash my car. After scrubbing all the dirt, I gave him the hose and said, "Okay, now rinse off this disgusting thing." He turned the hose on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27052

You deserved it

6705

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By anon - United States

Today, I was sitting in a theater waiting for the movie to start when a hot guy sat next to me. Trying to impress him, I made seemingly witty comments to my friend throughout the movie. When it ended he loudly complained to his friends about the annoying girl sitting next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9704

You deserved it

104205

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By fed up/turned off - United States - Fresno

Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

41417

You deserved it

6756

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By hellolaina - United States - San Francisco

Today, I realized that without fail, even if I'm not supposed to get it, I get my period just in time for vacations. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12856

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1367

Favorite

By save the koalas? uhh - Australia - Brisbane

Today, our guest lecturer told us to imagine 25,000 dead koalas in our lecture theatre, and if that didn't make us emotional then we didn't care about them. She then went on a rant, during which she encouraged us to join the "koala army". FML

I agree, your life sucks

35548

You deserved it

3491

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By meow - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26696

You deserved it

4479

Favorite

By fire1 - United States

Today, working as an EMT on an ambulance, we had a patient who refused to accept that he had a massive GI bleed, despite the fact that bloody stool was flowing from his anus all over my ambulance. To make things worse, my EMT ride-along student puked all over the patient. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33069

You deserved it

2309

Favorite

By smokeysarah94 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my boss and I had to come up with a code to call if a person acts inappropriately towards me because I "attract too many weirdos." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33318

You deserved it

3308

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at my work. To urge people to be generous, I paid my friends to put 15 bucks in the tip jar while saying how great I was. He did this about ten times throughout the day. Turns out, us employees don't get to keep the tips. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11943

You deserved it

28528

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By JamesK

Today, I went out with my kids to eat at a nice restaurant. While I was in the bathroom, my 7-year-old daughter ordered 15 plates of "pearls" on the menu. Those "pearls" turned out to be salmon caviar. Guess who got a 425$ bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8859

You deserved it

2577

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By in pain

Today, I got into a bad car accident, where I got severe whiplash, swollen knees, and cuts everywhere. I called my boss to let him know I wouldn't be able to make it in and he fired me for being 'not dependable'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41391

You deserved it

3648

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Top comments

By mssileas | 25

#7858622 - Tuesday 12 November 2019 7:32

..and do you also think you're invisible if you cover your eyes?

By TCRII | 29

#7858610 - Tuesday 12 November 2019 5:52

Never trust a fart.

COMMENTS

By TCRII | 29

#7858610 - Tuesday 12 November 2019 5:52

Never trust a fart.

By mssileas | 25

#7858622 - Tuesday 12 November 2019 7:32

..and do you also think you're invisible if you cover your eyes?

By ahabsfan | 14

#7858666 - Tuesday 12 November 2019 11:45

If you were wearing noise cancelling headphones then how can you be sure it wasn’t silent.

Sady_Ct | 37

#7858675 - Tuesday 12 November 2019 12:14

Probably from the reaction of the rest of the office.

By ojosRojos | 28

#7858689 - Tuesday 12 November 2019 13:28

Yeahhh... wearing noise-canceling headphones doesn’t cancel the noises YOU make

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7858724 - Tuesday 12 November 2019 17:06

Someone didn't pay attention in Science class.

By Iamthebanzai22 | 18

#7858779 - Tuesday 12 November 2019 21:25

Who the fuck doesn't make sure they are alone before they let out a fart, especially in an office where other people work?

By JasonThorn | 18

#7858952 - Wednesday 13 November 2019 11:47

I believe there was another person this happened to, and it was made into an FML cartoon.

By Abbusser | 9

#7859210 - Thursday 14 November 2019 10:15

Obviously you didn't hear anyone around you. What part of "noise cancelling" didn't you understand? A simple quick turn of the head can be quite productive in this matter...