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Just love!

Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved his flaming red hair. He told me that he loved the fuzz on my butt. FML

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Intimate moments

Vulture

Mixed signals

Time to run

By 44haley44 - United States

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to make up a story about my "friends" at school so my mom doesn't keep telling I'm a loser. FML

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By ohokay - United States - Bronx

Today, I found my boyfriend's Facebook page. I also found his wife's. FML

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By fuck me - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my dad is forcing me to go shopping with him tomorrow for Black Friday, because he's convinced that my martial arts classes will come in handy when people "inevitably" try to beat the shit out of us in the rush for cheap stuff. FML

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By QuinnyZebrass - United States - Laveen

Today, my creepy co-worker walked up and said, "You know, I was having sex with this girl last night, and I almost said your name." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my ex said "I love you!" for the first time at a party in front of my boyfriend. Smugly satisfied, I said "Well, you're too late for that." My ex looked at me with irritation and said "I'm talking to him!" and gestured to my boyfriend. They'd been "best friends" since middle school. FML

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By verycherryfucked - United States - Bronx

Today, I had to go to the hospital for an allergic reaction. Turns out, I'm highly allergic to cherry blossoms. My wife and I just bought a house and moved into a new neighborhood. Almost every block in this neighborhood, including my own, has rows and rows of cherry blossom trees. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was crocheting while watching television, and thinking to myself how proud I was that I taught myself to crochet. Then, an episode of Golden Girls came on, and I watched that while I crocheted. I'm 24. FML

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By kitty - United States

Today, while talking about my plans for college, I was interrupted so my family could discuss my brother's zit. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/1/2021 23:01 - Canada

Classic sting

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to prank my friend. When he came to pick me up in his car, I pulled up my mask, put on my toque, got in the back seat and yelled "This is a robbery! Don't talk! Drive now!" I'd hopped in the back of the wrong car. FML

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By WTF - United States

Today, my bank overdrafted my account to pay a bill that isn't due until next month. When I called them, they said they would fix the mistake, but I have to restore the account to zero before they'll give me my money back. So, I have to pay for my own money with the money they won't give me. FML

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By CoolGuy69 - Sweden - M?lnlycke

Today, I studied all night for a big test. I ended up falling asleep on the bus ride there. I woke up in a different province. FML

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By Unculturedsimp - 19/5/2020 17:00

Baby daddy

Today, my girlfriend of a year broke up with me because I got her pregnant and didn't own up to it. I wouldn't have blamed her if it didn't actually happen in her dream. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/1/2021 05:02

Sticky situation

Today, my boss keeps pointing out similarities between his wife and me. I genuinely dislike her, and have feelings for him. FML

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By wellthanks - United States

Today, in class, we were discussing stereotypes. We were asked about common ones about nearby cities. A guy said, "Well, they say Lumberton has the prettiest girls." My teacher asked if any of us were from Lumberton, so I raised my hand. The guy quickly said, "Nevermind." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went out to eat at a restaurant. When the waitress saw me, she continously told me how beautiful and kind I was. Flattered, I just said thank you. Five minutes later, one of the ugliest girls I've ever seen in my life walked in. The waitress told her the same exact things she told me. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I lost my $100 in cash that I had to use to pay my phone bill. As a result, my phone got cut off and I miss an important call for an apartment that I was looking at. When I went to work I heard my boss saying how lucky she was to find $100 in cash. FML

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By ananomoose - United States

Rush job

Today, I was struggling through an exam and the hot girl next to me seemed to be flying through the questions. So I cheated off her. When we finished I asked her to lunch. She said "No, I just rushed through the exam so I can go fuck my boyfriend." I got shutdown and probably failed an exam. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Vienna

Today, I realized I didn't want to come home from a business trip because I like my job more than my husband. I hate my job. FML

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By Bitch

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I was cheating on him. Surprised, I replied "No, Tim, of course not!" This might have been more convincing if I'd called my boyfriend by his own name, instead of the name of the guy I'm cheating on him with. FML

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By Spotted - Canada

Today, at Church, the little boy sitting behind me asked his mother if I had the chicken pox, because there were red dots all over my face. I've had bad acne since I was twelve. FML

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By WhyMe

Today, at work, a customer was staring at me for a long time. Hoping to break the awkwardness, I asked him what brought him to the store today. He complimented me on my friendly demeanor and then followed up with: "Since you're so friendly, how about coming in the bathroom with me and giving me a hand?" FML

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By Oopsie

Today, nine hours into a ten-hour shift, I accidentally told a customer, "You're a problem!" instead of, "You're welcome!" or, "No problem!" She gave me a dirty look and hurried off before I could correct myself. FML

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By yoked - United States

Today, while lying in bed with my wife, I asked her if she still loved me. Her reply "Sometimes". This I know is true because she instantly rolled over and farted on my leg. FML

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By TriangularBanana - United States - Cypress

Today, a girl stole my heart. She also stole my wallet, phone, and keys. FML

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By K-Rat - United States

Today, my cat loves to chase birds. In fact, he loves it so much, he ran out of the litter box mid-poop to chase one, forcing me to wipe his ass. FML

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By scaredofbozo

Today, I woke up screaming after a nightmare about clowns, which wouldn't be too bad if I hadn't been surrounded by coworkers. FML

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By sodonewiththis89 - 10/2/2021 13:59

Congrats!

Today, I found out my husband is having a baby. Too bad I'm not pregnant. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got this huge package at my college dorm from my parents with candy, chips, canned soup and all these goodies. When I called my mom to thank her, she replied "We got rid of your cat, Annie". FML

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By ProtoBird - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I got hit so hard in the head by a dodgeball that a contact popped right out. To make matters worse, I continued to get hit as a futilely searched for it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my daughter to the lake. She told me she had to go to the bathroom and I whispered to her "just pee in the lake, it's fine, but go in a little deeper." She went in the lake and turned to me to yell "MOM, IS THIS DEEP ENOUGH FOR ME TO PEE?" FML

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By lft - United States

Today, I called over my math teacher to ask a question. I have a really bad cold. I asked him about a problem and he reached over my desk to point at the diagram and explain it. Then I suddenly had to sneeze and I got tons of snot all over his hand and arm. FML

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By FUCKFACECUNT - United Arab Emirates - Abu Dhabi

Today, I took a dump at work, when I realized there was no toilet paper left. There was another guy in the room, so I asked him for some. He decided he'd rather dump all the rolls of paper into the other toilets, before wishing me luck and walking out while laughing his ass off. FML

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By licensed_ginger - United States - Barberton

Today, my boyfriend told me he didn't feel attractive. I tried to cheer him up by telling him that I find him very attractive, and so do my friends. He said that didn't matter, because my friends and I aren't attractive either. FML

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By TheFriskyBadger

Today, a customer complained that her salad had "too much lettuce." Her bowl was less than half-filled with lettuce and the rest was cheese. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was complaining to my friend how I was doing all the work in my group, and that they were getting all the credit. Her response? "It's OK, you're doing a shitty job anyway." FML

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By scratchpost - United States

Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML

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By crazy cat lady - Canada - Fredericton

Today, I got a cat so I'd have some company, since my roommate is always with her boyfriend. Too bad the cat likes her more. So now I get to sit and listen to her talk to her boyfriend to get to cuddle with my kitty. FML

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By apparentlyawomanbeater - Switzerland - Cadempino

Today, I was on the bus during rush hour. A fly started buzzing around my head, and I swatted at it, at the exact moment the woman beside me decided to get out of her seat and put her face straight in the path of my hand. FML

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By CutieBooty - United States

Today, after some passionate love making with my husband, I accidentally farted on his leg. He shrieked and frantically began shaking his leg while screaming, "Get it off! Get it off!" FML

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Top comments

By Ashamed_Sister | 60

#7876471 - Thursday 23 January 2020 20:20

The original poster on 9/1/2010 08:16 was a female from the United States with the username Snowin2007. The male sign without username or location is the default for all reposts.

By ncparry | 18

#7876454 - Thursday 23 January 2020 18:27

Take the compliment. Your little person shows you’re a dude, he probably does like it. My husband has a little bit of a furry butt. It’s cute.

COMMENTS

By ncparry | 18

#7876454 - Thursday 23 January 2020 18:27

Take the compliment. Your little person shows you’re a dude, he probably does like it. My husband has a little bit of a furry butt. It’s cute.

Reply

Ashamed_Sister | 60

#7876471 - Thursday 23 January 2020 20:20

The original poster on 9/1/2010 08:16 was a female from the United States with the username Snowin2007. The male sign without username or location is the default for all reposts.

By J15237 | 25

#7877946 - Wednesday 29 January 2020 3:29

Hey its funny and cute. Whats the big deal?

By Studious_Gluteus | 11

#7891737 - Monday 23 March 2020 19:01

I'm with him on this one. Butt fuzz can be quite cute.